So, I recently thought of something new. I've been looking for ways to get hurt in ways that wouldn't be considered self-harm, because I feel so horrible. I feel overwhelmed by guilt for all the bullshit I've done and the hurt I've caused. I wish I could stop hurting people, but I don't know how. So instead, I began putting myself in danger. For example, the other day I stood outside the home of a man I reported to the police for assaulting me, because he fucking hates me and I knew he had access to a gun. I thought he would be tempted to shoot me, or at least throw something at me. He didn't, sadly. But yeah, I got my dad mad enough to hit me, so at least there's that. Maybe I'm just crazy (I mean, we kinda all are), but does anyone else do this? If so, what types of things do you do to endanger yourself?
