Pros & Cons of ctb

[N33dT0D13]

Con: The people I talk to now would be sad I'm not there
Pro: ...For a short while before getting over me entirely & no longer having to put up my bullshit, being happier overall as they won't find out what happened to me

Con: My godmom & godbro would absolutely twist my death/disappearance into another story of how hard they have it
Solution?: Just run away, maybe I won't even ctb & I'll indulge my fantasy of trying to lead a wolf pack instead, either I make cooler friends or (more likely) get mauled to death, lol
Pro: They're gonna run their big mouths regardless & I'll be too dead/gone to care

Con: No potential for improvement
Pro: No potential for things to get worse

Con: My dogs will need new homes
Pro: They'll probably have better homes with better owners

Con: I can no longer take my vengeance out on this bitch of an earth
Pro: This bitch of an earth is spared my vengeance... Still kind of a con tbh lol

CONCLUSION: Might just keep living purely out of spite, better than living purely out of a sense of duty towards people who are gonna forget about me. Still might run into the woods to lead/get mauled to death by a wolf pack.

 

[EternalShore]

Very sorry about your situation! :( May it get better~
lol. Leading a wolf pack would be really cool! :D

 

[Ambivalent1]

Pro: immediate and eternal indifference to everything (hopes, dreams, regrets, pain, etc)

Con: You miss out on potentially a lot. Your one and only shot at sentience thrown in the trash forever. People say this life isn't good enough. I agree, but it's the only one with art, sunsets, the beach, etc. "It's about the little things"

 

[N33dT0D13]

Pro: immediate and eternal indifference to everything (hopes, dreams, regrets, pain, etc)

Con: You miss out on potentially a lot. Your one and only shot at sentience thrown in the trash forever. People say this life isn't good enough. I agree, but it's the only one with art, sunsets, the beach, etc. "It's about the little things"

True. I already feel indifferent to a lot of things I used to feel negatively or positively about so I guess that's close enough to death for the time being. I do miss going to the beach... Might walk down to the marina to just chill by the water, haven't done that in a while.

 

[Ambivalent1]

True. I already feel indifferent to a lot of things I used to feel negatively or positively about so I guess that's close enough to death for the time being. I do miss going to the beach... Might walk down to the marina to just chill by the water, haven't done that in a while.

When you have anhedonia like I do, it's also like being dead already.

 

[N33dT0D13]

Very sorry about your situation! :( May it get better~
lol. Leading a wolf pack would be really cool! :D

Realistically, I feel like even if I got in good with a pack I'd probably change their dynamic enough to inadvertently screw them over, but the idea of hunting & living amongst beings I can consider companions despite the lack of common language or interests (I guess survival counts as an interest, lol) is intoxicating. There is a romance to the idea of finally finding one's place where one least expects it & wolves are cute, lol

I'll live out my feral child dreams one way or another, I swear it
...Or die trying I suppose, lmao

 

[EternalShore]

Realistically, I feel like even if I got in good with a pack I'd probably change their dynamic enough to inadvertently screw them over, but the idea of hunting & living amongst beings I can consider companions despite the lack of common language or interests (I guess survival counts as an interest, lol) is intoxicating. There is a romance to the idea of finally finding one's place where one least expects it & wolves are cute, lol

I'll live out my feral child dreams one way or another, I swear it
...Or die trying I suppose, lmao

I wish you the best with that ambition! :D It certainly sounds like a great one, and it has been done by others before, so it can certainly be done by you too! ^_^

 

[cami]

wherever you go, we'll always be here for you my love.