suffering
Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
- Aug 17, 2018
- 398
I recently had a conversation with one of those pro-life right wing shitheads. He was very careful at first, charming, showed signs of being knowledgeable and thus he managed to convince me to have a quick honest chat with him, a mistake I bitterly regret.
I already identified some red flags, but I was starved for human connection so I went ahead. He seemed like one of those idiots too scared to see the horrors of life, having created for himself imaginary gods and national visions that can give him some meaning. He was also probably scared deep down of 'nihilists' like myself (I know I was when I was younger and searching for meaning).
Anyway he started the conversation with some weird mystical shit and became aggressive towards me 'Can you ever change your mind??" as if projecting some sort of narrow mindedness on me, although I had barely uttered a word. I was trying my best not to offend him, because he was way lower status than me (won't expand on that) which I suppose triggered some sort of inner hate in him, making him eager to dragged me into the crap bucket. I tried to stir some compassion in him, as I still hoped that maybe humanity can change when it comes to assisted suicide. I told him how miserable I am that I cannot end it, although I wish I was dead. He seemed very happy to hear this "So you're a coward!!!" as if he wanted to say "I knew it!!! Why are you even pretending to be on some sort of intellectual high horse???".
I should have left right then and there but I did not want to give him the satisfaction of thinking I was hurt, so I did some small talk and then left. I told him about people suffering of illness and of how they need assisted suicide. He ended the conversation aggressively stating that man has a duty to live his life till the end.
The whole thing left me feeling so disgusted. It's not that he offended me (what was offendable in me was already offended by default) but it made me think how evil people can be.
It also made me realize how important it is to read people very well before you talk sensible stuff with them.
I was always out spoken about matters of life, but people like him make want to wear a mask and to keep my distance.
I hate myself for being so nice, for failing to read him better from the start and for opening my heart to such a human trash. I wonder if the whole belief that 'suicide is easy' or that 'suicide is for cowards' (wtf???!!!) is actually an illusion that we acquired as a species, for evolutionary means, in order to hide the actual truth from ourselves. Like we have that false belief by default in us, just like we have a tendency for optimism or religion.
People like him are probably the reason why most of the pessimistic philosophers were kind of sugar coating and avoiding deep conversations of the matter of suicide. They probably had first hand experience with people's stupidity and cruelty.
True cowardice is failing to see this world for what it is. Maybe my SI is too high, but I least I have the mental courage to look at reality as it is.
Stay safe everyone, be careful whom you open up to, and take care of your peace of mind.
I already identified some red flags, but I was starved for human connection so I went ahead. He seemed like one of those idiots too scared to see the horrors of life, having created for himself imaginary gods and national visions that can give him some meaning. He was also probably scared deep down of 'nihilists' like myself (I know I was when I was younger and searching for meaning).
Anyway he started the conversation with some weird mystical shit and became aggressive towards me 'Can you ever change your mind??" as if projecting some sort of narrow mindedness on me, although I had barely uttered a word. I was trying my best not to offend him, because he was way lower status than me (won't expand on that) which I suppose triggered some sort of inner hate in him, making him eager to dragged me into the crap bucket. I tried to stir some compassion in him, as I still hoped that maybe humanity can change when it comes to assisted suicide. I told him how miserable I am that I cannot end it, although I wish I was dead. He seemed very happy to hear this "So you're a coward!!!" as if he wanted to say "I knew it!!! Why are you even pretending to be on some sort of intellectual high horse???".
I should have left right then and there but I did not want to give him the satisfaction of thinking I was hurt, so I did some small talk and then left. I told him about people suffering of illness and of how they need assisted suicide. He ended the conversation aggressively stating that man has a duty to live his life till the end.
The whole thing left me feeling so disgusted. It's not that he offended me (what was offendable in me was already offended by default) but it made me think how evil people can be.
It also made me realize how important it is to read people very well before you talk sensible stuff with them.
I was always out spoken about matters of life, but people like him make want to wear a mask and to keep my distance.
I hate myself for being so nice, for failing to read him better from the start and for opening my heart to such a human trash. I wonder if the whole belief that 'suicide is easy' or that 'suicide is for cowards' (wtf???!!!) is actually an illusion that we acquired as a species, for evolutionary means, in order to hide the actual truth from ourselves. Like we have that false belief by default in us, just like we have a tendency for optimism or religion.
People like him are probably the reason why most of the pessimistic philosophers were kind of sugar coating and avoiding deep conversations of the matter of suicide. They probably had first hand experience with people's stupidity and cruelty.
True cowardice is failing to see this world for what it is. Maybe my SI is too high, but I least I have the mental courage to look at reality as it is.
Stay safe everyone, be careful whom you open up to, and take care of your peace of mind.
