Venting Postponing my suicide to save my cat

[banger12]

I know the title sounds ridiculous but it really isn't.

So I really love my cat and she is honestly one of the few good things I have left. Past month my dad's been bringing her to the vet because of seeming urinary issues. Roughly a week ago (the days all blend together and it's hard to tell anymore) at one of her visits they discovered that she had two bladder stones and that she would need surgery to help her. It is quite expensive.

Family has already paid quite a bit of money over the past vet visits and now this procedure is thousands of dollars. Particularly my step-mother was quite upset. They didn't want to pay for the surgery, and it became clear that it was even possible that our (relatively young and healthy) cat gets put down. I offered to pay for it. Problem is that I don't work much hours and I'm minimum wage, it'll take a while for me to have the money to pay it in full. So my dad came up with the solution that they cover it up front and I pay them back. But this means that my life has unfortunately been extended at least a handful of months into the future. It is worth saving my cats life but it's still awful.

Honestly the situation had made me upset at my parents, particularly my step mom, who has already been mad about previous vet bills and who I feel has been cold and heartless over this.

There is also a dark and perverse irony that the same people who would force me to live indefinitely despite my death wish and how miserable I am and how much my quality of life had declined over the past year would also kill my cat, who wants to live, to cut costs.

Sometimes you gotta make hard decisions when you can't afford a sick pet. I understand that. And it's only natural to be concerned about such large bills. However you don't need to be so nasty over it. And given everything, I think it's the wrong choice here.

I'm just frustrated by all of this. Our cat is truly great and I love her so it's sad to think that she might die without my intervention.

Why not kill me to cover her vet bills instead?

 

[rhiino]

There is also a dark and perverse irony that the same people who would force me to live indefinitely despite my death wish and how miserable I am and how much my quality of life had declined over the past year would also kill my cat, who wants to live, to cut costs.

This is written very nicely. I agree very much.

Please don't be offended by my thoughts about your dilemma and those are genuine questions:
What holds you off letting them pay to save your cat and then continue with your plans or decide after your cat is saved what to do? At least you write you are already upset at them. Would they even care about the debt when you follow through with your plans?

 

[banger12]

This is written very nicely. I agree very much.

Please don't be offended by my thoughts about your dilemma and those are genuine questions:
What holds you off letting them pay to save your cat and then continue with your plans or decide after your cat is saved what to do? At least you write you are already upset at them. Would they even care about the debt when you follow through with your plans?

The issue is that the only reason she can get her surgery is because im paying for it. It's also just shitty to stick people with a $2k bill that you offered to pay, and especially since step mom is bitter about this i wouldn't want that to influence future treatment of the cat, especially when I'm gone. Or ruin family finances.

I'm only delaying my suicide until I can pay off the surgery. Once I've paid them back in full I will kill myself.

 

[rhiino]

I see, I see. I have not thought of the fact that the cat will stay with them.

Regarding the money: Don't you think they would be more disturbed about your death than the money? After all a funeral will cost a bit as well.

 

[Pluto]

 

[banger12]

I see, I see. I have not thought of the fact that the cat will stay with them.

Regarding the money: Don't you think they would be more disturbed about your death than the money? After all a funeral will cost a bit as well.

Luckily they'll be saving on the surgery then ig. Idk. My only thought is that I want my cat to get the care she needs and that's dependent on me being willing to pay for it. It's a somewhat large sum of money so I'd feel shitty about not covering it after promising to cover it as well. And I love that cat. That's really what's going through my head right now.

 

[GalacticWarrior777]

Its both cute and depressing at the same time, how a person can have issues over a cat, while the rest wants to save the cat. Hope you succeed in saving your cat, wish you peace and well deserved rest.

 

[banger12]

Its both cute and depressing at the same time, how a person can have issues over a cat, while the rest wants to save the cat. Hope you succeed in saving your cat, wish you peace and well deserved rest.

In time I'll get my peace. But for now I need to pay off the bill.

The cat has actually had the surgery now and she's recovering. But since she's been home I've been so worried about her. She isn't herself. The surgery probably did a number on her and apparently the effects of the painkillers and anesthetics are going to last a couple days but still worried. I'm worried about her hurting herself too. Plus she hates the cone. But at least the surgery is completed.

 

[GalacticWarrior777]

In time I'll get my peace. But for now I need to pay off the bill.

The cat has actually had the surgery now and she's recovering. But since she's been home I've been so worried about her. She isn't herself. The surgery probably did a number on her and apparently the effects of the painkillers and anesthetics are going to last a couple days but still worried. I'm worried about her hurting herself too. Plus she hates the cone. But at least the surgery is completed.

It's normal for the animal to act different after a surgery, as vets use numbing meds. It should last around 2-4 days. Hope she recovers well!

 

[banger12]

It's normal for the animal to act different after a surgery, as vets use numbing meds. It should last around 2-4 days. Hope she recovers well!

Thank you.

There was something particular too that happened when we first brought her back that has me worried. But idk how valid those fears are. She's still kinda wobbly and bumping into stuff occasionally and idk if that is normal.

Maybe I'm too nervous though. She's just my baby and I love her so much. Spectacular cat.

 

[SolitudeMan]

You've got a good heart. You clearly care about your cat, She means a lot to you.
Compassion to animals is a good show of character.

 

[banger12]

You've got a good heart. You clearly care about your cat, She means a lot to you.
Compassion to animals is a good show of character.

I'm not sure i have a good heart. I just love my cat.

I'm actually a pretty bad person for the most part.

 

[Username1359751]

Have you changed her food to urinary special food? My cat had two bladder surgeries. Been through it all. Given him tinctures and daily meds.

 

[banger12]

Have you changed her food to urinary special food? My cat had two bladder surgeries. Been through it all. Given him tinctures and daily meds.

Yes. Vet advised us to do so and it has been done. She hates the new stuff but she's eating it.

 

[shinigami_1992]

I'm not sure i have a good heart. I just love my cat.

I'm actually a pretty bad person for the most part.

Bad is just social concept of strange origins. Very misleading and deceiving.

Actually fact that you acknowledge part of you is or may be bad, means and proves you are not bad but very conscious and self aware human being. And fact of you loving your cat so much makes you good X decent X better that 99% of ppl on this planet.

 

[CatLvr]

In time I'll get my peace. But for now I need to pay off the bill.

The cat has actually had the surgery now and she's recovering. But since she's been home I've been so worried about her. She isn't herself. The surgery probably did a number on her and apparently the effects of the painkillers and anesthetics are going to last a couple days but still worried. I'm worried about her hurting herself too. Plus she hates the cone. But at least the surgery is completed.

Cats do not do well with anesthesia. Their bodies process the chemicals and medications used to make them comfortable differently. As long as her breathing is okay, just make her as comfortable as you can and she will metabolize that stuff out of her system in a few days. If the cone is really bothering her that much, you might get a pool noodle and cut a length to put around her neck. Sometimes they take to that a little better.

Thank you for taking such good care of her. This sounds callous (though I certainly do not mean for it to) but we can ctb anytime. For you to postpone your plans and put her needs before yours shows what a kind, considerate person you are. Thank you for doing that.

 

[kat6]

Poor kitty. She's lucky to have you and be so loved.

I always found it so sickening how vets are willing to let an animal suffer or die because of money. Take payment plans, collateral, anything, but to do nothing or euthanize an animal that doesn't need it, ugh just evil to me.

You may want to look into pet insurance. There might be a month or two waiting period before you can use it, so it wouldn't cover this emergency, but for the future…. They're not very expensive and I personally like the peace of mind that I never have to worry about funds if my baby needs it.

 

[banger12]

Cats do not do well with anesthesia. Their bodies process the chemicals and medications used to make them comfortable differently. As long as her breathing is okay, just make her as comfortable as you can and she will metabolize that stuff out of her system in a few days. If the cone is really bothering her that much, you might get a pool noodle and cut a length to put around her neck. Sometimes they take to that a little better.

Thank you for taking such good care of her. This sounds callous (though I certainly do not mean for it to) but we can ctb anytime. For you to postpone your plans and put her needs before yours shows what a kind, considerate person you are. Thank you for doing that.

Thank you so much for the advice and kind words. She's recovering pretty well so far. It also seems like the anesthetics and pain meds are starting to wear off and she's beginning to behave more like her normal self. Although now that she's more aware she definitely does hate the cone, so I'll keep your advice in mind if she starts behaving to extreme over it. Thank you.

 

[shinigami_1992]

Thank you so much for the advice and kind words. She's recovering pretty well so far. It also seems like the anesthetics and pain meds are starting to wear off and she's beginning to behave more like her normal self. Although now that she's more aware she definitely does hate the cone, so I'll keep your advice in mind if she starts behaving to extreme over it. Thank you.

My cat had come after her spay

Bcuz of cone, she was like fish out of water. Jumpy, all over place and doing strangest things to get herself out, off of herself.

Upon chat with my vet, but obviously I am not trained specialist or vet, they said she was good without cone as long as she does not lick or pick up on stitches. She was such good girl she did nothing. Happiest days of my life and bestest daughter.

I don't really know why you want to die, what is exact reason, but you sound to me like super sensitive, conscious and caring person. I don't know why there is belief in you that you are bad. You sound not bad at all and what you do for your cat, when I hear X read about animal cruelty often, you are not bad at all.

You ever hear of wrongful beliefs ppl have about themselves or impostor syndrome? Like it's psychological complex concepts and tricky area. You have eh. In life over confident ppl without merit or education or anything that proves their claims of being 'great' or able to deliver certain results-majority of business X financial fraudsters.

And then on second end, are entirely shy, zero or low confidence DECENT, entirely normal X right in head ppl not believing themselves. I'd say don't give up and work on your life, feeling X confidence.

Your step mother sounds like cruella De Mon from this movie about 101 Dalmatians. Don't let her win X get satisfaction. Like you live life for yourself. Don't let your family's toxic narratives or dynamics kill you.

If sone single incident or somebody attacking or saying something to you made you believe you are bad, think harder. Were they right or TOXIC naysayers, predatory ppl trying to take advantage X play on your emotions? Ppl are cruel. Don't give up yet. Love for your kitty. They the best gift in world

 

[banger12]

My cat had come after her spay

Bcuz of cone, she was like fish out of water. Jumpy, all over place and doing strangest things to get herself out, off of herself.

Upon chat with my vet, but obviously I am not trained specialist or vet, they said she was good without cone as long as she does not lick or pick up on stitches. She was such good girl she did nothing. Happiest days of my life and bestest daughter.

I don't really know why you want to die, what is exact reason, but you sound to me like super sensitive, conscious and caring person. I don't know why there is belief in you that you are bad. You sound not bad at all and what you do for your cat, when I hear X read about animal cruelty often, you are not bad at all.

You ever hear of wrongful beliefs ppl have about themselves or impostor syndrome? Like it's psychological complex concepts and tricky area. You have eh. In life over confident ppl without merit or education or anything that proves their claims of being 'great' or able to deliver certain results-majority of business X financial fraudsters.

And then on second end, are entirely shy, zero or low confidence DECENT, entirely normal X right in head ppl not believing themselves. I'd say don't give up and work on your life, feeling X confidence.

Your step mother sounds like cruella De Mon from this movie about 101 Dalmatians. Don't let her win X get satisfaction. Like you live life for yourself. Don't let your family's toxic narratives or dynamics kill you.

If sone single incident or somebody attacking or saying something to you made you believe you are bad, think harder. Were they right or TOXIC naysayers, predatory ppl trying to take advantage X play on your emotions? Ppl are cruel. Don't give up yet. Love for your kitty. They the best gift in world

She's a very good kitty cat

Idk if I posted an update here or if anybody cares, but for anyone interested my cat got the surgery and had recovered very well and is back to her old self. This issue must have been going on for months before it was noticed and it's amazing to see her back to her old self. It's like she's a decade younger and full of energy, joy and love again. In fact i didnt realize how big of a difference her sickness made in her behavior until the weeks after the surgery. My sweet baby girl. I love my cat.

Now I'm in the process of paying off the surgery bill. Once I've done that I'll focus on procuring a firearm to end my life.

 

[SA1994EC]

Animals are great. Unlike humans, they give you unconditional love. I especially love cats. I grew up with cats, and had 2 cats when I was young. I miss them so much that they sometimes show up in my dreams.
Your kitten is very lucky to have you. You love her so much that you put her life before yours. I am glad she is recovering very well. I know you are suffering, and plan to leave here soon. And your financial situation is not great. But do you get worried about leaving her with your father and step-mother? They don't seem to care about her so much. Before you go, you might be able to find a better home for her. It might sound too much considering what you plan to do with your life. But at least your kitten will be safe and happy and it gives you another purpose while you are here. And you can leave without any worries about her. I don't think it would cost you much or anything though I don't know particular organizations to help you for it.
In any case, I wish you and your kitten the best.

 

[Leiot]

I'm not sure i have a good heart. I just love my cat.

I'm actually a pretty bad person for the most part.

I'm not sure I agree with you. A cat loves you. They don't do that for everyone. They can see things other beings can't.

 

[shinigami_1992]

I'm not sure I agree with you. A cat loves you. They don't do that for everyone. They can see things other beings can't.

Exactly that!!!! Cats sense death. Cats sense disease. Cat would not ever in life love bad human.

Cats have that extra sense. Gut feeling.

 

[peony]

Animals are great. Unlike humans, they give you unconditional love.

I wouldn't say pets give you unconditional love. They have no choice in the matter, you control their food, water, shelter, health, hygiene, enrichment, socials etc. Most domestic animals avoid human contact and never get tame if you care for them in a way it's not obvious you provide everything they need.

Like, I love pets a lot too, caring for pets gives you a lot of purpose and satisfaction, but I'm not delusional abt the fact they only "like" me bc they are basically in a hostage situation lol

 

[CatLvr]

I'm not sure I agree with you. A cat loves you. They don't do that for everyone. They can see things other beings can't.

Exactly that!!!! Cats sense death. Cats sense disease. Cat would not ever in life love bad human.

Cats have that extra sense. Gut feeling.

Y'all are right -- cats are different than dogs in a lot of ways but especially so when it comes to "being domesticated." If a cat loves you, you are someone special.

@banger12 I'm glad your cat is feeling better and is happy. Give her some pets for me!

 

[attheend13]

I know the title sounds ridiculous but it really isn't.

So I really love my cat and she is honestly one of the few good things I have left. Past month my dad's been bringing her to the vet because of seeming urinary issues. Roughly a week ago (the days all blend together and it's hard to tell anymore) at one of her visits they discovered that she had two bladder stones and that she would need surgery to help her. It is quite expensive.

Family has already paid quite a bit of money over the past vet visits and now this procedure is thousands of dollars. Particularly my step-mother was quite upset. They didn't want to pay for the surgery, and it became clear that it was even possible that our (relatively young and healthy) cat gets put down. I offered to pay for it. Problem is that I don't work much hours and I'm minimum wage, it'll take a while for me to have the money to pay it in full. So my dad came up with the solution that they cover it up front and I pay them back. But this means that my life has unfortunately been extended at least a handful of months into the future. It is worth saving my cats life but it's still awful.

Honestly the situation had made me upset at my parents, particularly my step mom, who has already been mad about previous vet bills and who I feel has been cold and heartless over this.

There is also a dark and perverse irony that the same people who would force me to live indefinitely despite my death wish and how miserable I am and how much my quality of life had declined over the past year would also kill my cat, who wants to live, to cut costs.

Sometimes you gotta make hard decisions when you can't afford a sick pet. I understand that. And it's only natural to be concerned about such large bills. However you don't need to be so nasty over it. And given everything, I think it's the wrong choice here.

I'm just frustrated by all of this. Our cat is truly great and I love her so it's sad to think that she might die without my intervention.

Why not kill me to cover her vet bills instead?

I so get what you're saying because the cats keep me here. without me they will bounce from home to home and there's no one who loves them like I do. I don't want to fail them too. Your last line resonated with me. If the universe was fair, we could all opt to save a life by taking their place. Suicide would be an act of giving instead of the world thinking you were defect and selfish.

 

[Leiot]

I intend to stay here & suffer until my cats are gone. They know when my mood is down and my pain level is up.

 

[shinigami_1992]

I intend to stay here & suffer until my cats are gone. They know when my mood is down and my pain level is up.

Suffering for right reasons mate.

My baby is gone to good ppl. I have 2 new 'cats' aka plushies. One is big fluffy pink boy called Lucifer and I am currently looking to re-home both of them. I can't leave my kids behind- doesn't matter real X fake ones.

 

[banger12]

I doubt anyone cares but just in case somebody gives a shit or could find some interest in was able to pay off the rest i owed on my cats surgery recently.

She is also fully recovered and has been doing great past few months. I love my kitty :3

Now I can save up money and hopefully purchase the firearm i need to kill myself in April or May and leave this wreck of a "life" behind. I hope there isn't a hell, if there is that'd presumably be my destination.