Help Posting here too to cover all bases

[cookiencream]

I posted this on the recovery forum too. I want to maybe get all the knowledge I can before making a decision. I have all the materials necessary for my method...but I'm too scared to do it. I tried to do it 'impulsively' but once it set in that I could actually do it. Like all I need to do is tie a rope and step off my anxiety has been through the roof. Just like last time. To make matters worse my dad found a piece of rope I had planned to use before I found better ones so that means he's on high alert. I told him it was from my previous attempt but ik he doesn't believe me. The fact he suspects me puts the risk of me getting saved even higher and I'm terrified because no method is 100% already . The last time this happened I attempted recovery before circling back to suicide because the only reason I tried is not because I wanna live it's because I'm afraid of dying. So I'm stuck in this hellish cycle and idk what to do to break it. It seems I truly, truly don't wanna live but if that's true then why am I so scared? Honestly idk how people see suicide as a cowards way out. It requires more willpower than living

 

[TBONTB]

Just hugs. And yes, it's easy to think about not existing...a solution to all problems. It's hard to actually take action...very hard.

It's okay to decide to stay for a while and listen to the part of you that is scared.

 

[cookiencream]

Just hugs. And yes, it's easy to think about not existing...a solution to all problems. It's hard to actually take action...very hard.

It's okay to decide to stay for a while and listen to the part of you that is scared.

I listened and ended up chickening out. Now I wanna die even more!

 

[eupdplishlp]

I listened and ended up chickening out. Now I wanna die even more!

how come this makes you wanna die more? be honest