Pessimistic outlook

[sasshimi]

I've been wondering as of late is if my pessimistic outlook on life reflects the quality of life I've built down the line. I always assumed the worst in every situation, feared every conflict that might come my way, and haven't fully grasped the sense of assertiveness that most people do. I doubt my skills a lot and ultimately I am my worst enemy. I think it may be my anxiety on top of my pessimism contributing to this dreadful life I have. I'm a hermit/recluse for the longest time and I struggle with identifying emotions. Empathy is also another thing I clash with, often times I lie about the things I say in fear of receiving a negative response. I don't know where I was going with this, I'm a little buzzed and zooted. I'm digging myself a hole the past few months and I'm afraid my sanity is slowly depleting. My intrusive thoughts are out of control and I just want to break everything in my proximity to feel alive for once. Ramble over, I'll sleep off another night and wake up miserable all over again. Fantastic!