Discussion People ostensibly "friends" with you who ignore you or lie to you

[X-sanguinate86]

How many of you have made "friends" with people who are often inaccessible for reasons that don't seem credible or valid?

Like if they say they have to do something so they'll be around later to chat but then they just aren't. Or the thing they said they needed to do was obviously finished hours ago yet you still haven't heard from them? or they just drop a conversation with no explanation and are gone for hours or days? or just don't respond to things you ask them?

I guess that means they aren't real friends and are either just using you as an unimportant back up friend or see you as a charity case who they really don't care much about and with whom they will never truly become friends.

This happens to me even with people I have met on this forum. The people I've crossed on this forum have never proven to be better than what I cross in real life.

 

[darksouls]

yes and it happens more with people I met in real life

 

[Forever Sleep]

It has happened but, it used to hurt more in the past. It's happened both on the forum and in real life.

I've mostly weaned myself off the need for friendship over the course of a few years so- when it does happen now, it (thankfully) affects me less.

I guess I'm at the age where some of my friends have families and children so- it became obvious- as soon as partners were on the scene- that their priority lay with them.

I do try really hard now to simply appreciate the time people will share but, not to expect/ rely on more. I don't really trust friendship now though.

I tend to believe it is based on mutual need for one another and- seeing as life and we ourselves are changing- those needs change, get fulfilled elsewhere, sometimes don't match what the other person has to give now.

I think you've got to be pretty lucky too- to find people who value a friendship and will put in equal time/ effort that you will. Again- we're all different and we all have various amounts of need being fulfilled by other people.

I think it's less complicated when we are younger too. Because we are all enforced to be around one another- at school, college, work places. There's a sort of need to find allies there too.

 

[Pluto]

 

[X-sanguinate86]

It has happened but, it used to hurt more in the past. It's happened both on the forum and in real life.

I've mostly weaned myself off the need for friendship over the course of a few years so- when it does happen now, it (thankfully) affects me less.

I guess I'm at the age where some of my friends have families and children so- it became obvious- as soon as partners were on the scene- that their priority lay with them.

I do try really hard now to simply appreciate the time people will share but, not to expect/ rely on more. I don't really trust friendship now though.

I tend to believe it is based on mutual need for one another and- seeing as life and we ourselves are changing- those needs change, get fulfilled elsewhere, sometimes don't match what the other person has to give now.

I think you've got to be pretty lucky too- to find people who value a friendship and will put in equal time/ effort that you will. Again- we're all different and we all have various amounts of need being fulfilled by other people.

I think it's less complicated when we are younger too. Because we are all enforced to be around one another- at school, college, work places. There's a sort of need to find allies there too.

Yes, it really seems that for some people, those on the unhappy end of the curve, it would be getting lucky if they found people who cared equally about them as they do about their supposed friends. I have found time and again that people don't care about me. They talk to me as a charity case or a back up friend and it shows. Sometimes their lack of respect for me leads them to behave as though I am a mental retard who can't figure out that they have disrespect me or lied to me. I guess they knew beforehand that I have no options anyway so when I'm really down I'll have to come back and try to talk to them again just to have basic human contact. Sometimes they do passive aggressive things that i don't forget and honestly if i come and find them and murder them one day they will only have themselves to blame.

yes and it happens more with people I met in real life

I would have thought the same would hold true for me but I have had the same sorts of appalling behavious from people I've met on this site as from people I've met in real life.

 

[Forveleth]

I said no as I will immediately drop someone who does this to me. Once, I get it, things happen. They do it again, however, they are gone. Especially if they never apologized. I do not have time for these type of people in my life.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

most of my friends say sure or perhaps when i ask them to hang out but not ever try to do actual plans and be very slow to respond to my texts about anything, but then i see them going and hanging out with others all the time. i try to not doubt them or judge them but it does hurt me that they have time for their other friends to hang out but not time to hang out with or even just text me.

 

[X-sanguinate86]

I said no as I will immediately drop someone who does this to me. Once, I get it, things happen. They do it again, however, they are gone. Especially if they never apologized. I do not have time for these type of people in my life.

Good for you, that's probably the best approach. Do you still have friends? If yes then you are here for very different reasons than me.

People actually value and respect you to the point that they won't ignore you or try to manipulate you. I have always had to deal with "friends" doing that to me. And most recently some do ridiculous passive aggressive behaviours that aren't even veiled. I wonder why they do it and think to myself "maybe this person is actually just a POS and that's why they never had many friends and ended up on a suicide forum". I ask myself if I have ever done that but I honestly don't think I ever have. I wonder if some people might do that without even realizing it due to being so mentally deranged. Even if the person i am thinking of when I mention the passive aggressive behaviour fits into that category, it still makes them a shit pseudo-friend and maybe even a shit person.

most of my friends say sure or perhaps when i ask them to hang out but not ever try to do actual plans and be very slow to respond to my texts about anything, but then i see them going and hanging out with others all the time. i try to not doubt them or judge them but it does hurt me that they have time for their other friends to hang out but not time to hang out with or even just text me.

Yeah this sounds horrible. The scariest part is that for some of us, loneliness will drive us to nevertheless try to maintain contact with horrible people. Just for a sense of belonging and human connection even though we never fully get it and are abused and disrespected along the way.

 

[Forveleth]

Good for you, that's probably the best approach. Do you still have friends? If yes then you are here for very different reasons than me.

I disconnected from all of my friends because my depression makes it exhausting to interact with people on a meaningful level. It has honestly been freeing in a way but I have always been a loner.

I am here due to my parents and my partner. They screwed me up so badly I would rather just not live anymore.

 

[X-sanguinate86]

I disconnected from all of my friends because my depression makes it exhausting to interact with people on a meaningful level. It has honestly been freeing in a way but I have always been a loner.

I am here due to my parents and my partner. They screwed me up so badly I would rather just not live anymore.

I guess some people can deal with solitude better than others so in a way you are kind of lucky.

Sucks about your parents and partner, sorry. What did they do to you if you don't mind sharing? Np if you don't want to answer. In my case I would say my parents are the primary cause since they turned me into the kind of person who no one really values.

 

[Forveleth]

I guess some people can deal with solitude better than others so in a way you are kind of lucky.

Grew up with no siblings and parents who were very strict about visiting friends. I basically grew up alone so I am used to solitude.

Sucks about your parents and partner, sorry. What did they do to you if you don't mind sharing? Np if you don't want to answer. In my case I would say my parents are the primary cause since they turned me into the kind of person who no one really values.

Eh, my parents raised me in a way that left me with no self-confidence and someone who can not say no when they need to. I give everything for everyone else to the point hweew I have burned out myself on life. My partner is an emotionally abusive, borderline narssicist and, of course, the way I was raised made me a perfect mark for him.

 

[X-sanguinate86]

Grew up with no siblings and parents who were very strict about visiting friends. I basically grew up alone so I am used to solitude.


Eh, my parents raised me in a way that left me with no self-confidence and someone who can not say no when they need to. I give everything for everyone else to the point hweew I have burned out myself on life. My partner is an emotionally abusive, borderline narssicist and, of course, the way I was raised made me a perfect mark for him.

I guess it's too bad you can't get out of that relationship but I know how hard it can be. Plus, as you said, after getting too burned out it's hard to get back up and keep going. For some of us the fundamental problem becomes life itself.