I'm just venting guys. I had recently found out i have RA. Which i was happy to know finally where my pain was coming from. However, angry as well because life again throws me the rotten apples.
My job is very physical and i love it. I don't think about death amd how messed up my life is when im doing it. Also Im better than most of the men at it lol. Anyway my pains have come and go but since working here it has been more frequent and lasting longer. No doubt the job is making it worse.
Sunday at work my worst started hurting. When i went home i putt my brace on and slept. Woke up in more Pain. Then i went to work Monday morning midnight and it got worse. I left work early around 8am and been I bed since. My grip is off and the pain is felt by the slightest touch and can't even hold my phone right now. My oldest son is only 13 but had been helping around the house. I'm proud of him.
I'm up in bed thinking how messed up things are. I can't catch a break. It seems this disease may progress quickly. My doctor told me i need to see a rheumatologist but i cant as i now have a high deductible insurance policy and cant afford to go. I'm taking a steroid that is supposed to help the inflammation and it did but now is back with a vengeance. What's the point? I can't help but wonder if i go on living how crappy life will be if i will constantly be in pain and if i will o only be a burden to my kids.
Im just hurting right now. I wish i had a companion to lay in bed with me and just understand what I'm feeling but tell me everything will be ok.
I also recently started new antidepressants and anti anxiety medicine. Im trying. Ive given myself a deal. One last shot before i ctb.
My job is very physical and i love it. I don't think about death amd how messed up my life is when im doing it. Also Im better than most of the men at it lol. Anyway my pains have come and go but since working here it has been more frequent and lasting longer. No doubt the job is making it worse.
Sunday at work my worst started hurting. When i went home i putt my brace on and slept. Woke up in more Pain. Then i went to work Monday morning midnight and it got worse. I left work early around 8am and been I bed since. My grip is off and the pain is felt by the slightest touch and can't even hold my phone right now. My oldest son is only 13 but had been helping around the house. I'm proud of him.
I'm up in bed thinking how messed up things are. I can't catch a break. It seems this disease may progress quickly. My doctor told me i need to see a rheumatologist but i cant as i now have a high deductible insurance policy and cant afford to go. I'm taking a steroid that is supposed to help the inflammation and it did but now is back with a vengeance. What's the point? I can't help but wonder if i go on living how crappy life will be if i will constantly be in pain and if i will o only be a burden to my kids.
Im just hurting right now. I wish i had a companion to lay in bed with me and just understand what I'm feeling but tell me everything will be ok.
I also recently started new antidepressants and anti anxiety medicine. Im trying. Ive given myself a deal. One last shot before i ctb.
