pain

[silentsinger]

Are there many of you who feel as though you are just a pain to everyone in your life?

I feel as though that's all I am now, just a pain. I almost always feel as though I need to ask people whether i'm welcome to speak to them before a conversation. This has not been the case in face to face situations for a couple of months now though because I don't really see anybody anymore and I haven't been to work since January.

 

[Donewith_]

I am a burden to people around me. I feel that way.

 

[Eeyore]

I mean I do think that if you are feeling depressed it rubs off on other people and that is why they avoid us. Could be that or they just think I am weird.

 

[Marawa]

I'm a complete burden emotionally & physically to everyone due to depression (cry at the slightest meaness) & I need to lug a walker everywhere & I'm slow. I can bo longer drive & I'm agoraphobic so I freak out with panic attacks. God yes I feel that way

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Oh hell yea. No doubt.

But it will eventually all be over soon; they don't gotta deal anymore and can breathe a sigh of relief and go back to living.

 

[Plankter]

Nope. Nobody cares about me (except my parent probably). I'm a ghost to them

 

[AhG]

I feel as if I am.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

All the time. Its frustrating the crap out of me.

 

[silentsinger]

So many of us. I wish i could do something to help you all. Nobody should be made to feel this way just because they are suffering. Unfortunately it does seem easier for people who don't understand just to turn a blind eye to it and ignore it. It's very sad that people do that. Sometimes a bit of a chat can make a difference to someone's day, even if it doesn't alleviate personal problems.

 

[Quinlor]

Everyday I wake up thinking how and where I will hanging my self... I feel guilty.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I feel like outside of my immediate circle of my family and boyfriend, I'm worthless and 100% replaceable. I'm not a pain (although I am pretty socially inept and that can make me annoying), I'm just not fun to hang out with

 

[Marawa]

I'm pretty hysterical now but this question enrages me. We all seem to be (or many) suffering at the hands of uncaring ppl. yet so many of us are hurting & have the empathy to support one another. Like a cruel joke.
I'm really not that sick (terminal or anything) I'm just not useful to anyone anymore.
it's something I'd probably never known if I didn't become disabled. & the pain is more than I can bare

 

[silentsinger]

I'm pretty hysterical now but this question enrages me. We all seem to be (or many) suffering at the hands of uncaring ppl. yet so many of us are hurting & have the empathy to support one another. Like a cruel joke.
I'm really not that sick (terminal or anything) I'm just not useful to anyone anymore.
it's something I'd probably never known if I didn't become disabled. & the pain is more than I can bare

Sending you lots of love.

 

[21Neberg]

I even feel like a burden to my therapist lol

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Most of all I feel like a burden to myself.

 

[silentsinger]

Everyday I wake up thinking how and where I will hanging my self... I feel guilty.

You can't help how you feel, don't feel guilty for that (I know it's easier said than done).

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Are there many of you who feel as though you are just a pain to everyone in your life?

I feel as though that's all I am now, just a pain. I almost always feel as though I need to ask people whether i'm welcome to speak to them before a conversation.

Absol-frickin'-lutely. It's especially demoralizing when you realize you're too ... depressing ... to be around even other suicidal people. Bullocks.

 

[Roberto]

I even feel like a burden to my therapist lol

Me also. I ask her to give me dates less often so she can atend more patients.

 

[silentsinger]

Absol-frickin'-lutely. It's especially demoralizing when you realize you're too ... depressing ... to be around even other suicidal people. Bullocks.

You're not too depressing for me my friend.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I mean I do think that if you are feeling depressed it rubs off on other people and that is why they avoid us.

I've read that researchers find depression can be "contagious." And I think you're right that people avoid us b/c we're depressing. But this is another reason we should be entitled to end our own lives. If others are free not to hire us, to help us, to be around us... and for whatever reasons we can't become what they need us to be, we should be free to check out.

I'm a complete burden emotionally & physically to everyone due to depression (cry at the slightest meaness) & I need to lug a walker everywhere & I'm slow. I can bo longer drive & I'm agoraphobic so I freak out with panic attacks. God yes I feel that way

{HUG}

Unfortunately it does seem easier for people who don't understand just to turn a blind eye to it and ignore it. It's very sad that people do that. Sometimes a bit of a chat can make a difference to someone's day, even if it doesn't alleviate personal problems.

I agree with you. My experience, though, is that even other suicidal/depressed... people who DO UNDERSTAND can alienate/lecture/dismiss... each other. Often. I think it's just human nature. I've even read on here reports of people's own parents doing being exhausted by their kids' depression and then abandoning their kids. Sorta like some animals that abandon their sick infants to die.

I even feel like a burden to my therapist lol

Glad to know I'm not alone! (When I used to see therapists.)

 

[silentsinger]

I know how pathetic this will sound, I've always been very sentimental. I just want to thank the friends I have here and to say that I appreciate your kindness. It is much appreciated at the moment. Thanks again, speak to you soon. x

 

[Roberto]

Absol-frickin'-lutely. It's especially demoralizing when you realize you're too ... depressing ... to be around even other suicidal people. Bullocks.

I love to read you.
A big hug!!!

 

[LivingToLong]

I think I'm more of an awkward, or perhaps difficult, person than a pain as such. Actually, I think me saying that probably proves the point! I know people can see me as pedantic. So, let me be honest, yes, I'm a pain... damn, why didn't I just say that in the first place!

I feel I speak a different language sometimes. It's not that I feel that way about myself but that other people make me feel that way. In my own head I know what I'm saying, it makes sense to me and I'm happy with it. I then seem to fail to communicate it well enough and so I can upset people. They then see me as a pain, someone who should 'get a life'... and all I feel I've done is try to explain myself. I don't know, perhaps I lack empathy or something.

I've even read on here reports of people's own parents doing being exhausted by their kids' depression and then abandoning their kids. Sorta like some animals that abandon their sick infants to die.

You know, I can understand that. I find me a pain sometimes so why shouldn't other people?

I know my partner finds me exhausting. I know there are times when they are fed up with me, of having to tread gently around me. That's not a nice feeling for me btw, knowing that I am someone who is like that. I know I'm not what people might call 'easy going' sometimes. I don't know why that is, I just know that it is. I don't set out to piss people off but I end up doing it. So I can understand that they will find me too much like hard work to be around. I get that.

I think there's a limit to most people's tolerance, there certainly is to mine. I'm not critical of that, I accept it as the way we are. I think people who 'stay with' someone, despite all of their problems, are incredible. Maybe it's fear of the unknown alternatives (much like someone with an abusive partners will stay with them) I don't know. Tolerance is extended for people you love but I think there are limits. I can understand people not wanting their lives dragged down by someone else.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

You're not too depressing for me my friend.

Much thanks. Likewise.

I love to read you.
A big hug!!!

<blush> (Thanks!)

 

[Iceangel]

I agree with you. My experience, though, is that even other suicidal/depressed... people who DO UNDERSTAND can alienate/lecture/dismiss... each other. Often. I think it's just human nature. I've even read on here reports of people's own parents doing being exhausted by their kids' depression and then abandoning their kids. Sorta like some animals that abandon their sick infants to die.

This happens. Im on the last leg of help from my parents and after april theyre done helping. I dont blame them but the state im in and will be once their aid is gone is guarenteed death. Im too depressed to hold a job or even get out of bed, my moneys running out quickly due to poor decisions (when you feel like your going to die anyway why not make that 10$ purchase?). Cant afford healthcare for a therapist and im drug resistant so they stop working almost as soon as i start taking them...i tried for years but life is just so tiring now. Even showering has become difficult.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

This happens. Im on the last leg of help from my parents and after april theyre done helping. I dont blame them but the state im in and will be once their aid is gone is guarenteed death. Im too depressed to hold a job or even get out of bed, my moneys running out quickly due to poor decisions (when you feel like your going to die anyway why not make that 10$ purchase?). Cant afford healthcare for a therapist and im drug resistant so they stop working almost as soon as i start taking them...i tried for years but life is just so tiring now. Even showering has become difficult.

First off, I'm really, really, really sorry. What you're saying resonates with my whole life experience. You're absolutely-absolutely right: "when you feel like your going to die anyway why not..." When you're constantly suicidal, it's very hard to do painful things NOW with the reasoning that your future self will benefit. What future self?

Second (I don't mean to sound offensive), your parent made the decision to create you. They decided to impose on you a potential 100-year sentence. We owe parents "respect" of the same kind we do other living beings. But THEY owe us MUCH MUCH more. Your parents are cutting your survival cord despite what you're dealing with. Another win for reproductive freedom. They can make us but they don't have to have in place plans to assure our security.

I'm also "treatment resistant." I wish I had an answer. Have you thought about leaving your country (if you're in the West) and trying something in a developing nation? That didn't really work for me because I'm my major problem. But if you feel your major problem is financial or political or social, maybe getting out of your environment would help? If you ever want to throw ideas around, just PM me. Sorry you're hurting so much.

 

[silentsinger]

This happens. Im on the last leg of help from my parents and after april theyre done helping. I dont blame them but the state im in and will be once their aid is gone is guarenteed death. Im too depressed to hold a job or even get out of bed, my moneys running out quickly due to poor decisions (when you feel like your going to die anyway why not make that 10$ purchase?). Cant afford healthcare for a therapist and im drug resistant so they stop working almost as soon as i start taking them...i tried for years but life is just so tiring now. Even showering has become difficult.

I am so sorry that you are suffering this way. I feel particularly low at the moment and am struggling. Although our circumstances may be different, I totally sympathise with the way you must be feeling. No one deserves to feel like that.

 

[Iceangel]

First off, I'm really, really, really sorry. What you're saying resonates with my whole life experience. You're absolutely-absolutely right: "when you feel like your going to die anyway why not..." When you're constantly suicidal, it's very hard to do painful things NOW with the reasoning that your future self will benefit. What future self?

Second (I don't mean to sound offensive), your parent made the decision to create you. They decided to impose on you a potential 100-year sentence. We owe parents "respect" of the same kind we do other living beings. But THEY owe us MUCH MUCH more. Your parents are cutting your survival cord despite what you're dealing with. Another win for reproductive freedom. They can make us but they don't have to have in place plans to assure our security.

I'm also "treatment resistant." I wish I had an answer. Have you thought about leaving your country (if you're in the West) and trying something in a developing nation? That didn't really work for me because I'm my major problem. But if you feel your major problem is financial or political or social, maybe getting out of your environment would help? If you ever want to throw ideas around, just PM me. Sorry you're hurting so much.

Id agree with you but im adopted. My sister has a bunch of stuff with her mentally (agoraphobia (sp?), depression, anxiety) and has drained my parents assets for yearssss. Shes their blood daughter though so if theres a choice in where those assetts are allotted its her. I dont blame them, for years i was self sufficient so why shouldnt i be able to do it again? Living with them isnt an option either, mentally abusive to the point all I do is cry, drink, and think of ways to off myself. Ive thought of moving out of country but honestly i just dont care anymore. Ive seen what life has to offer (the good and the bad) and while i know there may be happy memories to be made overall they wont compare to the amount of emotional suffering id have to endure to get there and after.

As for ideas ive tried them all, ive tried therapy, drugs (legal and not so much), moving across the country, moving back with my parents, then back across again, drinking, relationships (casual and long term), etc. Life just brings me no joy anymore.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Id agree with you but im adopted. My sister has a bunch of stuff with her mentally (agoraphobia (sp?), depression, anxiety) and has drained my parents assets for yearssss. Shes their blood daughter though so if theres a choice in where those assetts are allotted its her. I dont blame them, for years i was self sufficient so why shouldnt i be able to do it again? Living with them isnt an option either, mentally abusive to the point all I do is cry, drink, and think of ways to off myself. Ive thought of moving out of country but honestly i just dont care anymore. Ive seen what life has to offer (the good and the bad) and while i know there may be happy memories to be made overall they wont compare to the amount of emotional suffering id have to endure to get there and after.

As for ideas ive tried them all, ive tried therapy, drugs (legal and not so much), moving across the country, moving back with my parents, then back across again, drinking, relationships (casual and long term), etc. Life just brings me no joy anymore.

I'm really sorry. I wish I had an answer, but here I am, too. If it ever helps to talk/vent, please PM me.

 

[Iceangel]

I'm really sorry. I wish I had an answer, but here I am, too. If it ever helps to talk/vent, please PM me.

Ill probably take you up on that for right now though im kind of a recluse and dont have much energy to carry a conversation so please dont take it personally if i dont take you up on your offer right away