Opening up to people and they could not care less

[parnassius_mnemosyn]

People always say to talk to somebody and to open up to people in your life. I tried seeking support, but nobody cares!

I told my therapist about it once, back when I still went. And I mean, that is who you are supposed to tell, right?? They get paid for it, no? She basically cut me out because of it. I mentioned to her that I feel comforted at the thought of death, so she interpreted it as "I don't want any help". Maybe she cut me out to do it alone so she doesn't need to feel guilty or associated with me in any way or something along those lines? I'm not sure. If I didn't want any help at all I wouldn't have told her. This experience made me stop seeking out professional help altogether.

When I started doing very badly mentally and opening up about suicidal thoughts, my partner of 3 years left me, and since all my friends moved away, I had nobody left.

I recently posted a close friends story on Instagram about how badly I have been doing, how isolated I have been and how I am not sure if I can keep living on like this. This was kind of my last attempt at seeking out any kind of conversation or comfort or... something? I dont know... I really do not say things like this often at all. My list of "close friends" consisted mainly of people I interacted with online sometimes, even some people I had spent time with in real life and 'friends' that live far away now. Some of them had posted similar things, or just talked about their struggles in general, and I would reply and try to listen and comfort them. Nobody replied to me, everyone basically ignored it.

I don't want to blame anyone but myself, and there is probably something I did to bring this onto myself. It's just hurtful to know that nobody cares if I live or die. I know it's childish, especially the instagram story. But all of it really did hurt deeply. Human relationships are not what I had hoped they could be. I am so naïve, it's embarrassing.

If you do get into contact with people, you can not show weakness. They will stick around as long as they can get something out of you. Once you become a burden, you will be dropped. Do not expect comfort or compassion from people. You can spend time with them as a distraction from your thoughts, but be careful what you share with them. do not expect anything, as it will only make it more painful when those expectations aren't met.

I probably sound very bitter and edgy.... I just don't know what other conclusion to come to. I guess I am not close to anyone anymore, so it might be different for those with people that love them in their lives. I guess I just need to get it off my chest, it will most likely just get lost in the sea of the rants of other sad people on here. Feeling this abandoned has been very painful, I'm not sure why I haven't just ctb'd yet.

 

[sanctionedusage]

None of it was childish. A MH professional, your long term partner, and all of your friends shut you out.

If you do get into contact with people, you can not show weakness. They will stick around as long as they can get something out of you. Once you become a burden, you will be dropped. Do not expect comfort or compassion from people. You can spend time with them as a distraction from your thoughts, but be careful what you share with them. do not expect anything, as it will only make it more painful when those expectations aren't met.

This is just the truth. There's a reason why obituaries of really amazing people, or similar, will highlight how supportive they were, how they stuck with the person through thick and thin, how empathetic and outspoken they were. Philanthropical. These are extremely rare behaviors, not the norm. The majority of people are sheepish, self absorbed, and transactional. I'm sorry that you weren't lucky enough to be given just one ounce of compassion. People are so disgusting.

 

[wine is fine but]

sadly, precious few seem to care about anyone

almost nothing at all is unconditional - once you are no longer useful, you no longer matter. and the saddest thing of all, is that so called health professionals are also in this bracket. people play with other's mental health without a care in the world

 

[insectontrial]

I don't see a professional in any capacity but I know how you feel. I've gone to visit my parents for the holidays and they couldn't care less about what's going on in my personal life. The few friends I have all have supportive parents who they could always return to if things got really bad, and I don't have that at all. I never have. I hold out hope that they'll change, and they just don't.