• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

Eyler

Eyler

Cingulomania spark
Aug 11, 2023
47
Maybe I'm really going crazy— My thoughts are rapid, my breathing and everything I do is wrong, everyone and everything is wrong. I stress myself over anything, both online and in real life over seriously everything.

I can't get help. I can't seek help. I'm too scared. And they will ruin me. Everyone will.

I don't know who I am anymore I just change all the sudden and don't reconize myself and feel weird— until I come into sense again. I can't talk to my friends without feeling terrible if they said bad news beforehand because it totally ruins my head in the first place and fucks me up on what I'm doing and I don't know why it does that. The moment someone is doing not so great, my brain is screaming at me to support, advice and help them and to harm myself as worse as possible as I can.

It screams to hurt me, screams to hurt someone or anything, to tear to cry.

I wish I could get angry and let my emotions out maybe that's the issue. I haven't been able to get angry for my whole life and it kills me.

I wish 8 year old me wouldn't hurt his poor head over and over each time they felt the slightest tint of anger because they thought it was wrong to feel emotion— thought it was wrong because they only wanted their mother to give them attention.

I'm exhausted mentally and physically, so why the hell haven't I collapsed yet? Why the hell am I still here?

I'm scared. I'm so scared that I'm going to eventually going to lose it and kill someone. Or I don't know. I don't know.

My head and my body will eventually burst and turn into a rotten flower, I know it.

Being kind is so complicated when you're trying to help yourself to at least have the bit part of you even if you have nothing left anymore of what is so called, Me.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: LoiteringClouds, Lostandlooking, Forever Sleep and 2 others
sugarb

sugarb

thief of silent dreams
Jun 14, 2024
795
Maybe I'm really going crazy— My thoughts are rapid, my breathing and everything I do is wrong, everyone and everything is wrong. I stress myself over anything, both online and in real life over seriously everything.

I can't get help. I can't seek help. I'm too scared. And they will ruin me. Everyone will.

I don't know who I am anymore I just change all the sudden and don't reconize myself and feel weird— until I come into sense again. I can't talk to my friends without feeling terrible if they said bad news beforehand because it totally ruins my head in the first place and fucks me up on what I'm doing and I don't know why it does that. The moment someone is doing not so great, my brain is screaming at me to support, advice and help them and to harm myself as worse as possible as I can.

It screams to hurt me, screams to hurt someone or anything, to tear to cry.

I wish I could get angry and let my emotions out maybe that's the issue. I haven't been able to get angry for my whole life and it kills me.

I wish 8 year old me wouldn't hurt his poor head over and over each time they felt the slightest tint of anger because they thought it was wrong to feel emotion— thought it was wrong because they only wanted their mother to give them attention.

I'm exhausted mentally and physically, so why the hell haven't I collapsed yet? Why the hell am I still here?

I'm scared. I'm so scared that I'm going to eventually going to lose it and kill someone. Or I don't know. I don't know.

My head and my body will eventually burst and turn into a rotten flower, I know it.

Being kind is so complicated when you're trying to help yourself to at least have the bit part of you even if you have nothing left anymore of what is so called, Me.
I feel very similar at times. I hope we both get better eventually; being confused and tired and scared all the time sucks.

Also, I love your pfp 😋
 
  • Like
Reactions: Eyler
Eyler

Eyler

Cingulomania spark
Aug 11, 2023
47
I feel very similar at times. I hope we both get better eventually; being confused and tired and scared all the time sucks.

Also, I love your pfp 😋
Ahhh thank you!
May everything go at peace for the both at least once.
 
  • Love
Reactions: sugarb

Similar threads

beelzebul
Replies
5
Views
337
Suicide Discussion
StrawberryRed
StrawberryRed
lameemo
Replies
3
Views
241
Suicide Discussion
bl33ding_heart
bl33ding_heart
OhMyStars
Replies
7
Views
300
Suicide Discussion
catchingaliteralbus
C
T
Replies
15
Views
584
Suicide Discussion
schizozoomr
schizozoomr
F
Replies
7
Views
420
Recovery
SchizoGymnast
SchizoGymnast