Venting on suicide watch but need to ctb

[rabbithole]

I don't want to ctb but my circumstances are forcing me to. I have an awful disease and a spinal cord injury that's left me with no sexual function and incontinence. I miss my old self so damn much. I have no idea how people live with awful diseases. The physical pain is awful but then losing yourself, your friends, your freedom...just a nightmare.

I ordered meto from ADC and although they asked for a prescription and I didn't have one it somehow shipped. I'm so panicked about what my parents will say when they see the package. They will undoubtedly ask what's in it.

I still need to order the SN but I don't know how to get it without my parents confiscating it and potentially putting me in the psych ward.

What a nightmare life is for some people. And I know many have it far worse than me. I just miss working, going to school and cuddling with my boyfriend. Now I've lost all that. What the fuck am I supposed to do. I don't want to wait around and lose more.
Also I realize I've made essentially this same post before. I'm sorry. Just venting I guess.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Personally I just can't with the idea of trying while being closely watched to this extent, so hard to actually guarantee anything will work.

 

[Hyperbunny]

I don't want to ctb but my circumstances are forcing me to. I have an awful disease and a spinal cord injury that's left me with no sexual function and incontinence. I miss my old self so damn much. I have no idea how people live with awful diseases. The physical pain is awful but then losing yourself, your friends, your freedom...just a nightmare.

I ordered meto from ADC and although they asked for a prescription and I didn't have one it somehow shipped. I'm so panicked about what my parents will say when they see the package. They will undoubtedly ask what's in it.

I still need to order the SN but I don't know how to get it without my parents confiscating it and potentially putting me in the psych ward.

What a nightmare life is for some people. And I know many have it far worse than me. I just miss working, going to school and cuddling with my boyfriend. Now I've lost all that. What the fuck am I supposed to do. I don't want to wait around and lose more.
Also I realize I've made essentially this same post before. I'm sorry. Just venting I guess.

sorry to hear about ur suffering
maybe wait whilst ur off suicide watch and when u have the stuff
i have facial pain and i know many doctors are wathcing me as ive told them about suicide even.
but no one put me on suicide watch. weird. i think they feel sorry for me lol. like they dc if i die becuase pai nwill be less