soulchaser_
he/him
- Jul 20, 2025
- 13
hi.
well today I am feeling really fucking down. I feel so bad about myself and my life. it feels like everything around me absolutely hates me no matter how much I try?
I'll just say what's been mainly on my mind.
I used to have an ex, let's say F who was heavy into drugs, and I am too, but I was sober. When he relapsed I also did, but then he handled his addiction way better than me, while I spiraled even further. at one point he had enough of me and left me for some other guy, because of the drugs and my mental health.
it ruined me. it feels like it's my fault. he left for his own sanity and supposedly that's fine but I sometimes cannot forgive myself.
and well I got karma. he's since been in a long, happy relationship with the new dude. it actually breaks me. not out of jealousy but it feels like I am in the wrong and I dont deserve anything. he's still dating him and I already have 2 more failed relationships.
and in my last relationship I was getting cheated on for 6 months, dated for a year. at this point I just blame it on my drug addiction. I literally tried so hard to keep the relationship going that this is absolutely killing me. and the girl he was cheating on me with didnt know and she left him, but she got the "I'll always love you" type of apology, while I got yelled at.
and he misses her and hates me and couldn't care less about me. after a year long relationship. and told me he should've broken up with me long ago.
and it makes me feel absolutely fucking worthless. because I loved him so much and gave him all the love he didn't even fucking need. I feel used as fuck. because I shed tears and was stressed out trying to fix things and it never mattered, to him it was never that serious.
I feel cringe as fuck typing all of this honestly. because I don't think that anyone... truly cares. after all those years I just cannot look at people and trust their feelings towards me. I feel like everyone is using me for something. like nobody's emotions are real, just a way for them to get something, maybe from me. I feel like I got used for... comfort?? like if I were there just to make them feel better about themselves? I don't know.
plus I feel like everyone sees me as a relationship opportunity, like an accessory. that's what I realised after trying to meet new people I guess. I don't feel like people see me as an actual person with feelings.
well today I am feeling really fucking down. I feel so bad about myself and my life. it feels like everything around me absolutely hates me no matter how much I try?
I'll just say what's been mainly on my mind.
I used to have an ex, let's say F who was heavy into drugs, and I am too, but I was sober. When he relapsed I also did, but then he handled his addiction way better than me, while I spiraled even further. at one point he had enough of me and left me for some other guy, because of the drugs and my mental health.
it ruined me. it feels like it's my fault. he left for his own sanity and supposedly that's fine but I sometimes cannot forgive myself.
and well I got karma. he's since been in a long, happy relationship with the new dude. it actually breaks me. not out of jealousy but it feels like I am in the wrong and I dont deserve anything. he's still dating him and I already have 2 more failed relationships.
and in my last relationship I was getting cheated on for 6 months, dated for a year. at this point I just blame it on my drug addiction. I literally tried so hard to keep the relationship going that this is absolutely killing me. and the girl he was cheating on me with didnt know and she left him, but she got the "I'll always love you" type of apology, while I got yelled at.
and he misses her and hates me and couldn't care less about me. after a year long relationship. and told me he should've broken up with me long ago.
and it makes me feel absolutely fucking worthless. because I loved him so much and gave him all the love he didn't even fucking need. I feel used as fuck. because I shed tears and was stressed out trying to fix things and it never mattered, to him it was never that serious.
I feel cringe as fuck typing all of this honestly. because I don't think that anyone... truly cares. after all those years I just cannot look at people and trust their feelings towards me. I feel like everyone is using me for something. like nobody's emotions are real, just a way for them to get something, maybe from me. I feel like I got used for... comfort?? like if I were there just to make them feel better about themselves? I don't know.
plus I feel like everyone sees me as a relationship opportunity, like an accessory. that's what I realised after trying to meet new people I guess. I don't feel like people see me as an actual person with feelings.
