Not being able to call my trauma what it is

[Water-Lily]

I was on r/CPTSD yesterday and as usual, triggered myself as I do intentionally. I don't want to talk about the topic discussed, but it was trauma and abuse related. It's a reminder that I can't escape the fate of the abuse I endured. It's like a stain I gotta walk through and see. I feel the way I am living my life now, is a detriment to myself. Choosing to commute to school from home even though campus would be healthier. Choosing to get on "good terms" with my family when I should realistically allow myself to feel rage and cut them off for valid reasons

I am doing everything wrong. I am not trauma survivor

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I had narcissistic and sexually abusive parents. The trauma still affects me today . They ruined my childhood and messed up my brain.
I honestly wonder if surviving trauma is possible. It always lingers in the background.

 

[Water-Lily]

I had narcissistic and sexually abusive parents. The trauma still affects me today . They ruined my childhood and messed up my brain.
I honestly wonder if surviving trauma is possible. It always lingers in the background.

I'm so sorry for that horrific pain you endured. I'm not going to sit her and give you the generic "you can survive" because I feel its disrespectful to the pain you are carrying. You deserved better in life and in many ways I can relate to having shitty parents

Is there anything that gives you a healthy sense of control? Have you been to any form of therapy/counseling?

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm so sorry for that horrific pain you endured. I'm not going to sit her and give you the generic "you can survive" because I feel its disrespectful to the pain you are carrying. You deserved better in life and in many ways I can relate to having shitty parents

Is there anything that gives you a healthy sense of control? Have you been to any form of therapy/counseling?

Thank you.
Yes, I've had various therapy sessions, yet it didn't help much.
I don't really have anything that gives me a healthy sense of control, yet I don't drink alcohol anymore like I used to.
I became an alcoholic in my early twenties as a way to cope , yet in reality it made things worse.