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blue101

Member
Jul 3, 2020
11
hi. ive been this way since i as i guess 8-9 i have a diagnosed bordeline personaality disorder, conductive disorder and ADHD dealing with these growing up was fucking difficult like one of my main traits fro adhd is impulsivity so have bpd when i ge mad or upset i do alot of things without thinking them through. ive been doing dbt for two years and anger mangment for four neither has really helped. i steal things alot i pickpokit and i fight ever since i was little i would do crazy things like sneekout and for teenages that could be normal but i would do it o meet older men, get drunk, do drugs etc i wasnt a good kid i mean hell fist secondary school i went to i threw my teachers computor at her i get mad alot and i think thats because over the years i push ervything down all of my emotions and pain and sadness so when i cantt ake it anymore it comes out i anger i hate how i am i dont wanna be here but i feel like i cant leave yet i dont know what it is im waiting for i used to be so ready to just let go of life but now theres him maybe im waiting for him.
 
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Alwaysbadtime

Alwaysbadtime

Enlightened
Jun 28, 2021
1,157
Who is him/he?

Maybe you're life fucking sucks and you are not all your diagnosis.

I hear you. It just pisses me off hearing about so many disorders when one's life is fucking dismal. It's punishing to you. You're shit sounds intense.

Doing shit to your teacher wasn't right...people can recover. I don't know...your parents must be going through some shit if they are taking care of you.
 
S

summers

Visionary
Nov 4, 2020
2,493
@blue101 I'm not sure who you're referring to when you say you're waiting for him. But whatever is keeping you here, if it's working for you, give it a shot. There is always tomorrow to ctb (for most of us).

Also, it kind of sounds like you want to get better at controlling your impulses. The only two things that will help are practice and/or drugs. I used to have a much worse temper. For me, I just choose to walk away when possible. Give it a minute, and usually that's enough to calm down. Next time something upsets you, just try creating some space.
 

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