Discussion No one can ever truly turn to you and say, "I understand your pain"

[Moroze]

The only person who can begin to understand it is you. For someone else to truly grasp what you're going through, they would have to step inside your mind and your body, feel every memory, every scar, every echo of what you've lived through. And even then, understanding your pain is not a moment. It's a lifelong journey, a horrible lifelong journey.

 

[FoxSauce]

True that's why I always say : hey I may not understand your exact pain but if felt it.

Or : I know how you feel not all of it but some if it

(Idk if this is a good response) if not let me know idk if im being idk ignorant

 

[Forever Sleep]

True. It's not just experiencing the same life events too. To know them, we would have to become them too. We all react differently to problems.

I think we generally say this because we think what we have gone through is too awful to describe or relate to. We probably would hope that by actually experiencing our life, a person would become more empathetic/ sympathetic.

It's an interesting idea though. How can we be sure that the pain we're in/ have gone through is so much worse than the pain someone else has experienced? If this were a reality and, they could live in our shoes for a period, what if they gave them back and told us we had it easier than them? It could actually work in reverse- where people showed less sympathy.

It's true though. I suppose we'll never really know how it is to live as someone else. I agree with @FoxSauce though. Part of trying to relate to someone is trying to remember a time we felt the same. I think that's why it seems like those who have suffered themselves seem (to me) to have the most empathy for others. We know vaguely what it's like to feel those negative emotions. We may not know exactly but, we know enough to realise it's awful.

Are you frustrated/ annoyed when people claim to know your pain OP?

 

[Pluto]

 

[Britney Spears]

Never, ever. Not even my family. That's why they believe in the psychiatrists who've seen me. And since everything is mental, I'm not going to get better, and I'm not going to get better because I don't want to. Because it's invisible. If I had terminal cancer, I'd say: I wouldn't have it removed because I don't want to, despite the treatments and how incurable it is. They believe that what is invisible is curable and treatable, but sometimes it isn't

 

[FoxSauce]

Never, ever. Not even my family. That's why they believe in the psychiatrists who've seen me. And since everything is mental, I'm not going to get better, and I'm not going to get better because I don't want to. Because it's invisible. If I had terminal cancer, I'd say: I wouldn't have it removed because I don't want to, despite the treatments and how incurable it is. They believe that what is invisible is curable and treatable, but sometimes it isn't

What the heck? So if they cant see it its idk can magically be fixed?

So let me ask, so they think your mental struggles can be fixed how?

 

[Britney Spears]

What the heck? So if they cant see it its idk can magically be fixed?

So let me ask, so they think your mental struggles can be fixed how?

There's no magic wand; it all depends on us, according to the hellish psychiatrists and psychologists. And in the end, if you don't want to get better, it's because you don't; that's the bottom line. That's how psychiatry works, and my family supports it. Mental illness is still very unknown. So, they come and say, "Oh, he committed suicide because he didn't want to get better (since it was all mental)." It helps some, but not others, and when you've tried everything, they think it's curable, and you don't get better because you don't want to. When you've done everything possible, with pills and psychologists, and you see you can't take it anymore. Anyway. They try to guess; no one knows you better than yourself and knows what you have. Diagnoses, whatever, and that's it. The family understands them before we do because they're "doctors." If you want to die, it's because you're not right in the head; go to a psychiatric hospital. I've already learned to keep quiet with my family, psychiatrists, and psychologists. I pretend, I pretend I'm getting better.

 

[derpyderpins]

True, but that doesn't mean any level of understanding is impossible.

We can't understand specific pain, but what we can understand is (1) pain, generally; and (2) that we can't understand the severity and exact form of another's pain.

So, some more potentially true statements:

"I understand that you're in pain, and that it is difficult." "I understand that I can't know how difficult your pain is, or how much you're carrying." "I understand that your pain is unique." "I hate that you have to feel this pain." "I want to help relieve the pain, because I know pain generally, even if I can't directly understand your pain and unique situation." "I understand that I can't expect your pain to behave or react the same as pain I have known."

 

[isthisit?]

No one can feel your pain. Understanding it is still possible and has been done.

 

[maplefig]

Totally agree with that.

"I can't understand your pain but I wish things were better for you.". I wish I heard more of this in my life rather than dismissal and empty platitudes.