Venting No good reason to ctb

[somewhat_sorry]

I feel like I don't have a really good reason to ctb. My life has minor problems, but overall it's probably one of the most ideal situations I could be in, by all metrics. I have friends, I'm doing well in school (or was, up until I stopped trying recently), nothing's seriously fucked with my family, etc. But I still feel like shit all the time, and I can only see my situation getting worse because there's very few ways it could get better. It sounds weird to complain about my life going well, but the thing is I still feel miserable and it scares me because if I manage to feel this miserable for no good reason- what about when I have a reason? What then? How horrible can I feel? Is there a limit? So I've wanted to kill myself since I was a child as a preventative measure, with the instinctive understanding that I am an incredibly fortunate person that is still unfortunately, wallowing in depression and anxiety all the time. I guess I was wondering- would this be a stupid reason to die? I'm in so much pain but it's legitamately all in my head. All of the problems I currently have are due to my own current lack of motivation to upkeep any aspect of my life, and all of them are solvable. I just don't have the motivation anymore to do anything. I can barely get out of bed in the morning. But it feels like a waste of privilage and money to throw my life away, like a big fuck you to everyone who didn't get all the amazing things I did when I was growing up. But the idea of staying alive is so horrible it sometimes seems insane that I'm just expected to do it, to keep moving fowards when it might be wiser to quit while I'm ahead. Idk- opinions?

 

[Dingo67]

It up to you personally to decide if you have a "good" reason/s or not. It's ypur life, only your opinon really matters. Also, just because you may have had a relatively good life materially speaking or some people have had a worse life, that doesn't invaildate any of your feelings or experiences at all. Regardless of what you may or not have had/have. As for my opinion, I don't think that's a dumb reason to want to die at all. It's perfectly rational if you think things are probably only going to get worse.

 

[avalokitesvara]

have you ever got any help or treatment for these feelings and thoughts? maybe you have and it didn't work. but if you haven't it could be worth a try. people can be cured from mental illness and find life worth living, have a complete change of perspective and feel completely different. it's wild how the brain can really change sometimes.

of course you can always decide to die for any reason, your life is your own and if you don't want to live it you don't have to.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

You said you haven't got a good reason, but you also speak of depression. You're downplaying it, depression is a valid reason to kill yourself over. Or perhaps you don't think it's bad? Not being able to get out of bed is classic depression

 

[curiouscvnt]

Wow i really relate to being suicidal with a lack of serious trauma & bad shit currently affecting me. Dingo67 really has a point here imo
... with a caveat that in my case at least, i am not convinced that my life (as i see it) is probably only going to get worse if i continue more or less how i am or even make foreseeable changes. And yet i still want to and would choose to end my life in the next 1-5 years.

It up to you personally to decide if you have a "good" reason/s or not. It's ypur life, only your opinon really matters. Also, just because you may have had a relatively good life materially speaking or some people have had a worse life, that doesn't invaildate any of your feelings or experiences at all. Regardless of what you may or not have had/have. As for my opinion, I don't think that's a dumb reason to want to die at all. It's perfectly rational if you think things are probably only going to get worse.

What is feeling miserable like for you? (me personally, it ranges from struggling to focus on anything other than how i'm gonna ctb to feeling like i cannot stand myself and i don't want to be in my own body/skin/mind)

 

[Dingo67]

Wow i really relate to being suicidal with a lack of serious trauma & bad shit currently affecting me. Dingo67 really has a point here imo
... with a caveat that in my case at least, i am not convinced that my life (as i see it) is probably only going to get worse if i continue more or less how i am or even make foreseeable changes. And yet i still want to and would choose to end my life in the next 1-5 years.

What is feeling miserable like for you? (me personally, it ranges from struggling to focus on anything other than how i'm gonna ctb to feeling like i cannot stand myself and i don't want to be in my own body/skin/mind)

Being miserable for me is basically just not having really any hope for things, at least what I really care about. But mainly, like for a lot of people today, loneliness. Boredom always adds a lot to being miserable as well. In my expereince, fixating on how im going to ctb only made things worse. I relate to not wanting to be my myself I lot, if that's what you meant.

 

[enditplz]

Depression isn't always caused by external factors, so you can have everything and still feel hopeless due to chemical imbalances in your brain. Giving anti-depressants a try might be helpful in your case.

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm from Indonesia (42/M). I feel the same too. My life by all means is quite privileged, & even spoiled to the rotten tbh (I'm a NEET for a long time, & still live with my parents, so yeah). I know that my life's problems are also probably just miniscule, insignificant, petty, & nothing, because there's a lot of other people who have it much worse. But, I feel what I feel. And thanks to one comment above that said: our feelings are valid. My problems of NEET-ing, & also social problems like loneliness, rejected by women for the past three years, while watching other people at my age already happily married, have a family, etc2. And then, last but not least, my existential problem, ie: I've had existential depression (existential crisis & OCD) for a long time, and unfortunately it's only getting worse, it seems, as I get older now. I feel & think way too differently, and I often feel like I'm an alien among humans. Finally, I feel like I'm a waste of space & oxygen that should not exist, but yet still exist anyway. My life is an irony, tragedy, & even absurd stupid ridiculous pathetic loser/failure. If only I could just disappear into thin air & stop existing... (I really wish Thanos is real & snap his fingers, but sadly, our reality is cruel, there is not even a Thanos)...

 

[curiouscvnt]

Being miserable for me is basically just not having really any hope for things, at least what I really care about. But mainly, like for a lot of people today, loneliness. Boredom always adds a lot to being miserable as well. In my expereince, fixating on how im going to ctb only made things worse. I relate to not wanting to be my myself I lot, if that's what you meant.

loneliness is a real bitch. #1 reason i drink&drug to relax/sleep, because for me it's better than insomnia or crying myself to sleep

It up to you personally to decide if you have a "good" reason/s or not. It's ypur life, only your opinon really matters. Also, just because you may have had a relatively good life materially speaking or some people have had a worse life, that doesn't invaildate any of your feelings or experiences at all. Regardless of what you may or not have had/have. As for my opinion, I don't think that's a dumb reason to want to die at all. It's perfectly rational if you think things are probably only going to get worse.

yesss! This point about there being acceptable reasons to end one's life is so overlooked/missed by people who may not even be pro-lifers through and through. For me, it's a big problem in the context of medically-assisted suicide or aid in dying, as existing programs overwhelming suggest that only terminal illness presents a rational or socially acceptable or morally right reason for an adult individual to decide to end their life. Suicide is a fucking option and if someone tells me something along the lines of that cliché 'suicide is NOT an option', i know they really don't give a shit about my right to self-determination and actual quality of life and are just there to make sure that they can't think that they're somehow implicated in my suicidal actions.

 

[Dingo67]

Totally agree. If people don't have a right to die, then life is no longer a right, but an obligation.

 

[fkyou]

I have so many good reasons,yet family still make me think I owe them staying with them..fk them

 

[cali22♡]

Freeeeedoooom