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autumn68

autumn68

Member
Apr 4, 2025
20
no matter how normal or even good i manage to feel during the day i always end up miserable the second i'm alone with my thoughts. i feel like i can't make it a single night without drugs, alcohol, or cutting because i genuinely am just incapable of being alone with my thoughts. it feels like no matter how much progress i make in my life or how much i work on myself it never gets better. i think i'm just doomed to feel like this until i die
 
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certainty

certainty

Member
Sep 5, 2025
31
unfortunately i don't have any solutions but i heavily relate. hope knowing you're not alone in that eases the burden in some small way, sending you well wishes 🫂
 
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Hibiki

Hibiki

♪♫: I Wanna Be Your Dog 2 - AJJ
Oct 13, 2025
20
hello. i understand you, but maybe not as extremely. i feel for you and wish it were easier. i don't know if you've already tried it, but on nights that are less bearable i let music or youtube videos play while trying to fall asleep. for music it is typically classical, while for youtube it can range from "educational" content (veritasium, numberphile, etc.) to old vtuber streams. it can serve as background noise/a distraction, but if it affects your ability to sleep, i understand.
 
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ManOfTheYear

ManOfTheYear

Fade, fade, fade, fade. Fade into the grave.
Sep 22, 2025
27
Waiting to pass out is one of the most uncomfortable dreads. Nothing to do, no one to talk to, just sitting in silence, doom scrolling, crying, thinking about death over and over. Every night for the rest of my life. Dumb right?
 
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EmptyBottle

EmptyBottle

🔑 Friends with Aera23
Apr 10, 2025
1,356
Some things that may help, include music and drawing (on paper or electronically). For me I like NCS music and some top songs from 2025 and 2023, saved for offline listening. As for drawing, been months or longer since I last drew stuff.
 
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U

unregisteredseaurch

Member
Oct 12, 2025
8
i deal with this on a nightly basis. even if the day was great and i spent it with people i enjoy. i can't help but succumb to my thoughts. it also doeen't help that i get triggered very easily, and then once its late i realize i've spent a couple hours straight on SHP or lurking here, or some other related forum. sigh
 
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RayRayTried

Member
Oct 16, 2025
5
Im sorry you're going through this and hope you can find something that works for you <3

I find myself reading messages here to not be alone in my thoughts late at night.

It's so funny how the most painful part of the day is nights. It causes me to stay up until 4 or 5 am not able to fall asleep. In return I sleep all day leading to me falling deeper into the cycle LOL.
 
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autumn68

autumn68

Member
Apr 4, 2025
20
Im sorry you're going through this and hope you can find something that works for you <3

I find myself reading messages here to not be alone in my thoughts late at night.

It's so funny how the most painful part of the day is nights. It causes me to stay up until 4 or 5 am not able to fall asleep. In return I sleep all day leading to me falling deeper into the cycle LOL.
genuinely, it's so miserable. lurking here helps in a way but it doesn't make me feel good. i was using pills to sleep for a while but i'm almost out so i'm back to just lying awake with my thoughts for now :/
 
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Z

Zerengin96

Student
Jun 14, 2022
199
Thats strange, i love sleeping since its the closest we come to simulating death
 
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RayRayTried

Member
Oct 16, 2025
5
Sorry I'm still new here so if my quote doesn't work don't laugh at me. Lol

Yeah its very much a double sided blade and feels like a short term solution. That's probably what some is need to keep pushing through though.
 
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Kitsune_BCN

Kitsune_BCN

Student
Sep 8, 2025
101
Its super hard. I cant sleep for more than 90 mins without waking up all of a sudden.

My sleep is 1 eye closed and 1 open.

Nights are eternal
 
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Pyxel

Pyxel

Gear Head
Sep 10, 2023
75
Feel similar. Regardless of how much I improve & carry myself during the day my mind when its alone & not seeking goals tends to get depressed
 
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I

itsgone2

Experienced
Sep 21, 2025
240
generally im worse in the morning because i likely didn't sleep. Sometimes in the evening my body gets a break from the anxiety. But just a few hours. Today I'm a real mess. Maybe lack of sleep contributing to that but also just a lot of shit to deal with and I'm not dealing with it well
 
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unluckysadness

unluckysadness

Warlock
Jul 9, 2025
713
I know what sleep disorder is. It can be awful. Last year I lay on the floor or changed sides in bed, and I felt I was going crazy...

Could you ask your med for another pack of sleeping pills ? It can be addictive but thanks to the person who invented zolpidem and diazepam. These pills help me a lot, but the problem with benzos is that you must increase the dosage. For the moment, I force myself to keep on 5mg daily (which is low).

One tip if you don't have enough sleep pills : mix them with melatonin pills. These nights, I take 1 melatonin pill + 1/2 or 1/4 zolpidem. My psychiatrist said It should not be mixed, but I don't care because I want to have enough pills in stock. In France, pharmacies just gives you one pack of 14 pills for 1 month. But here is what I do to get more packs : I ask pills to BOTH meds (regular doctor and psychiatrist).

Another tip : I have my last drink 2 hours before going to bed, so I must wake up less to go to the toilet. Avoid sleeping teas which doesn't make sense because of this reason. And last thing : everybody says it's not good to watch screens before going to bed. To my experience, it's actually wrong. The trap is to go to bed too early. I can say I sleep better while watching TV until midnight rather than going to bed too early without screens, because mental rumination is FAR WORSE than blue lights from screens. And it's important to wake up and go to bed at the same hour. Sorry for my bad english, I don't always use translators.
 
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autumn68

autumn68

Member
Apr 4, 2025
20
i
I know what sleep disorder is. It can be awful. Last year I lay on the floor or changed sides in bed, and I felt I was going crazy...

Could you ask your med for another pack of sleeping pills ? It can be addictive but thanks to the person who invented zolpidem and diazepam. These pills help me a lot, but the problem with benzos is that you must increase the dosage. For the moment, I force myself to keep on 5mg daily (which is low).

One tip if you don't have enough sleep pills : mix them with melatonin pills. These nights, I take 1 melatonin pill + 1/2 or 1/4 zolpidem. My psychiatrist said It should not be mixed, but I don't care because I want to have enough pills in stock. In France, pharmacies just gives you one pack of 14 pills for 1 month. But here is what I do to get more packs : I ask pills to BOTH meds (regular doctor and psychiatrist).
i guess I haven't thought about mixing them with melatonin, that might be worth a shot. tbh they're just pills i got for some back pain last year that knock me out and there's not a real way i could get more of something that would help unless i actually get a sleep disorder diagnosis which is out of my budget and comfort levels. i might get around to seeing a psych once mid terms are over and i could ask then but I'll have to see if i have the money
 
NeoN0va

NeoN0va

fading away
Sep 24, 2024
200
no matter how normal or even good i manage to feel during the day i always end up miserable the second i'm alone with my thoughts. i feel like i can't make it a single night without drugs, alcohol, or cutting because i genuinely am just incapable of being alone with my thoughts. it feels like no matter how much progress i make in my life or how much i work on myself it never gets better. i think i'm just doomed to feel like this until i die
I feel you, being alone is the worst, especially during autumn-winter as it gets dark SO QUICKLYYY ughhh i relate to you so muchhh. Shit is just like that and we probably cant change it duh the only thing that works for me is sleep but falling asleep with all the thoughts is hard so yeah we are DOOMED we are all so doomed i just cant wish anything but rest and some peace of mind for u man
🙏BLESS🙏
 
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unluckysadness

unluckysadness

Warlock
Jul 9, 2025
713
i

i guess I haven't thought about mixing them with melatonin, that might be worth a shot. tbh they're just pills i got for some back pain last year that knock me out and there's not a real way i could get more of something that would help unless i actually get a sleep disorder diagnosis which is out of my budget and comfort levels. i might get around to seeing a psych once mid terms are over and i could ask then but I'll have to see if i have the money
It seems so complicated in the US. I'm in EU and it's going to be very complicated too (politics, chat control, ...) Another thing I'm just thinking about : my ex colleague took cough syrup to help for sleep and it actually works. I didn't try myself but she seemed very happy with the syrup. You can try to mix it with melatonin. I hope you'll find a solution.
I feel you, being alone is the worst, especially during autumn-winter as it gets dark SO QUICKLYYY ughhh i relate to you so muchhh. Shit is just like that and we probably cant change it duh the only thing that works for me is sleep but falling asleep with all the thoughts is hard so yeah we are DOOMED we are all so doomed i just cant wish anything but rest and some peace of mind for u man
🙏BLESS🙏
I'm alone too and autumn/winter is so shitty. I don't like when it's dark so early (maybe because some of my traumas happened at nights, wathever). I can confirm : it is mostly overthinking that provokes sleeping disorders. PIlls are not a long term solution but is a painful life a long term solution ? 😬 I wish you peace. Take care
 
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