C
catchingaliteralbus
New Member
- Jul 4, 2025
- 1
Hello all!
I am brand new to the forum, so please don't be mean!
Just wanted to share my current plan as I was stopped today by my boyfriend. Not looking for advice or anything, just want to be able to speak my mind for once without judgement. (My boyfriend always tries to make me promise I will not CTB when I share my thoughts with him)
I want to be one with the beach. I love the beach. This, in a way, all started when my rapist/stalker was able to follow me to the beach (IN A WHOLE OTHER COUNTRY!) and I was okay because I was still on the beach and I couldn't even feel his presence even though he was still following. I felt free and I want to feel that way forever and ever. I hardly ever feel like that ever since the day he came to find me and raped me in my apartment.
This weekend I went to the coast to CTB on the beach. I found out about a bus last week that takes you to a coastal town. I live about two hours drive and last year I tried to drive by borrowing my dad's car but I got impatient/impulsive/idk and crashed it on my way. It was sort of an accident but regardless I learned I can't really drive on the day I am going. So I am going to catch a literal bus :D hence my user! This time I caught the literal bus (haha) but made the mistake of bringing my phone so my boyfriend was able to call me and convince me not to go to the beach and he is coming to get me from the coastal town I went to tomorrow. I got a motel room...
Which is fine because I was planning to do something for his birthday anyways and now that I think of it, I'd rather not miss that. I want to make him happy on his birthday, which is the first of next month. I am going to focus on trying to organize something. And then probably I will sleep over for a night or two and on the 3rd or 4th I will catch the literal bus to the coast. Hopefully the 3rd. He will probably be sick of me by then and want to kick me out of his apartment anyway. He needs more space than me and I am doing my best to accommodate that in the relationship.
Anyways my potential plan for now:
My first step was making an account on here so I could tell someone about this (because I like to talk to people a lot so if I didn't, I would probably tell someone IRL). check!
Next I am going to look into guns after I get back to town tomorrow. I found out you can order one online and pick up in store in my location, which is good because a big part of what has stopped me so far is having to talk to the store staff about what gun I might want. I know SN is popular on SS, but I think this is just my journey. I already kind of have my heart set on this method. I am going to browse and order a handgun online and go in-store to pick it up. At some point during the month of July.
And I am going to look into concealed handgun license. I need to be able to transport the gun to the beach and I would prefer to do it legally just in case something goes wrong on my way. I have researched the course and the cost. I have a link to the course and I have the money saved for both a gun and the certificate that enables legal concealed carry.
I have taken a gun class before but I might want to take another just to get comfortable with using it. Again, really set on this method.
I really want to be enjoying July as much as I possibly can throughout all of this. So I'm going to try to enjoy myself. Not do things that I don't find soothing. Just skip stressful activities. The statue of limitations is almost up for filing a civil suit against my rapist. I don't want to see that not go through after the devastation of not being able to pursue a criminal case (the police are dumb), so I'm just going to not. I'm not going to call lawyers or whatever unless it makes me feel good and I really want to, not out of responsibility but actual enjoyment. I'm going to try to apply this to everything in life. If I don't feel like I'm going to enjoy a workday, I will just skip. Or a social event. Etc. This is really important to me.
I will also be planning gud birthday for BF. I am thinking about trying for a surprise party. I need to apologize to his friend Austin for being mean and invite him and his girlfriend and also some other of his friends that he does political stuff with. I am planning on my head sorta but I will be talking to people the rest of the month.
I am just gonna go ahead and keep doing everything on my calendar that I've already committed to like going to the dentist and stuff so people don't think something is up. And like keep going to the library and checking out books like normal, even up to the few days before. Just act like life will go on type beat. That is my plan regarding that.
On the day of (hopefully the 3rd of August), I will be taking the 11:35 bus from the station. I will go to my parents' house in the morning (either sleep there the night before or arrive at like 9 or 10). I will pack up the following items into my mini black backpack (these items will be prepped in the week(s) leading up so I don't have to scramble morning of):
- money/notes of a specified number and denomination I have noted separately from this post
- a printed version of the bus schedule
- some form of personal identification for whoever finds me
- a list of emergency phone numbers
- house keys in case of emergency/something goes wrong
- snacks which can be easily concealed (it's against bus rules to eat but I need to, so)
- an mp3 player (I have a red retro one I need to find and charge it)
- headphones or earbuds
- gun (obviously) + concealed carry license if I get one
- note, which I wrote for today (sad)
AND NO PHONE! My big mistake this time was bringing my phone so I was able to be contacted which is what stopped me.
I will take the 11:05am bus to the station. I will leave at 10:50am so I can make sure I catch it since the stop is around a 10 minute walk South of my parents' house. I will get off downtown, walk to the other bus station where the intercity bus system stops. Then I'll get on that one at 11:35am. Then I'll get off downtown in the coastal town I'm in right now. I will take a taxi to the beach. That is why I have those specific denominations so I can be sure I can pay the taxi driver properly. I think I will try to arrange the taxi a few days ahead of time if I can/they allow that. To relieve pressure from myself on the day. I have learned from past 'attempts' that on the day it is easy to be stopped if you have to make any kind of decisions. I am trying to eliminate decisions as much as I can this time so I can just make the only decision that matters.
After I get to the beach, I will sit on the beach and chill for a bit. I still need to figure out angle and stuff. What has been happening so far is that I get closer and closer every time and keep learning. I think I am going to use this forum to research during the next month what angle/orientation/shot I might want so as much is decided in advance as possible.
And I will have the printed bus schedule and enough money to get back if it doesn't work out. And I am going to see my therapist and talk to my doctor about switching to a psych doctor instead of the therapist and regular doctor combo on Monday (I have appointments with both). So we'll see how that goes, but it's comforting to have a plan for me.
That's all I have put together for now. Just basically threw it together after being stopped today. Happy to be here on the forum! Hope everyone who reads enjoys my contributions for the next month or so ~~
I am brand new to the forum, so please don't be mean!
Just wanted to share my current plan as I was stopped today by my boyfriend. Not looking for advice or anything, just want to be able to speak my mind for once without judgement. (My boyfriend always tries to make me promise I will not CTB when I share my thoughts with him)
I want to be one with the beach. I love the beach. This, in a way, all started when my rapist/stalker was able to follow me to the beach (IN A WHOLE OTHER COUNTRY!) and I was okay because I was still on the beach and I couldn't even feel his presence even though he was still following. I felt free and I want to feel that way forever and ever. I hardly ever feel like that ever since the day he came to find me and raped me in my apartment.
This weekend I went to the coast to CTB on the beach. I found out about a bus last week that takes you to a coastal town. I live about two hours drive and last year I tried to drive by borrowing my dad's car but I got impatient/impulsive/idk and crashed it on my way. It was sort of an accident but regardless I learned I can't really drive on the day I am going. So I am going to catch a literal bus :D hence my user! This time I caught the literal bus (haha) but made the mistake of bringing my phone so my boyfriend was able to call me and convince me not to go to the beach and he is coming to get me from the coastal town I went to tomorrow. I got a motel room...
Which is fine because I was planning to do something for his birthday anyways and now that I think of it, I'd rather not miss that. I want to make him happy on his birthday, which is the first of next month. I am going to focus on trying to organize something. And then probably I will sleep over for a night or two and on the 3rd or 4th I will catch the literal bus to the coast. Hopefully the 3rd. He will probably be sick of me by then and want to kick me out of his apartment anyway. He needs more space than me and I am doing my best to accommodate that in the relationship.
Anyways my potential plan for now:
My first step was making an account on here so I could tell someone about this (because I like to talk to people a lot so if I didn't, I would probably tell someone IRL). check!

Next I am going to look into guns after I get back to town tomorrow. I found out you can order one online and pick up in store in my location, which is good because a big part of what has stopped me so far is having to talk to the store staff about what gun I might want. I know SN is popular on SS, but I think this is just my journey. I already kind of have my heart set on this method. I am going to browse and order a handgun online and go in-store to pick it up. At some point during the month of July.
And I am going to look into concealed handgun license. I need to be able to transport the gun to the beach and I would prefer to do it legally just in case something goes wrong on my way. I have researched the course and the cost. I have a link to the course and I have the money saved for both a gun and the certificate that enables legal concealed carry.
I have taken a gun class before but I might want to take another just to get comfortable with using it. Again, really set on this method.
I really want to be enjoying July as much as I possibly can throughout all of this. So I'm going to try to enjoy myself. Not do things that I don't find soothing. Just skip stressful activities. The statue of limitations is almost up for filing a civil suit against my rapist. I don't want to see that not go through after the devastation of not being able to pursue a criminal case (the police are dumb), so I'm just going to not. I'm not going to call lawyers or whatever unless it makes me feel good and I really want to, not out of responsibility but actual enjoyment. I'm going to try to apply this to everything in life. If I don't feel like I'm going to enjoy a workday, I will just skip. Or a social event. Etc. This is really important to me.
I will also be planning gud birthday for BF. I am thinking about trying for a surprise party. I need to apologize to his friend Austin for being mean and invite him and his girlfriend and also some other of his friends that he does political stuff with. I am planning on my head sorta but I will be talking to people the rest of the month.
I am just gonna go ahead and keep doing everything on my calendar that I've already committed to like going to the dentist and stuff so people don't think something is up. And like keep going to the library and checking out books like normal, even up to the few days before. Just act like life will go on type beat. That is my plan regarding that.
On the day of (hopefully the 3rd of August), I will be taking the 11:35 bus from the station. I will go to my parents' house in the morning (either sleep there the night before or arrive at like 9 or 10). I will pack up the following items into my mini black backpack (these items will be prepped in the week(s) leading up so I don't have to scramble morning of):
- money/notes of a specified number and denomination I have noted separately from this post
- a printed version of the bus schedule
- some form of personal identification for whoever finds me
- a list of emergency phone numbers
- house keys in case of emergency/something goes wrong
- snacks which can be easily concealed (it's against bus rules to eat but I need to, so)
- an mp3 player (I have a red retro one I need to find and charge it)
- headphones or earbuds
- gun (obviously) + concealed carry license if I get one
- note, which I wrote for today (sad)
AND NO PHONE! My big mistake this time was bringing my phone so I was able to be contacted which is what stopped me.
I will take the 11:05am bus to the station. I will leave at 10:50am so I can make sure I catch it since the stop is around a 10 minute walk South of my parents' house. I will get off downtown, walk to the other bus station where the intercity bus system stops. Then I'll get on that one at 11:35am. Then I'll get off downtown in the coastal town I'm in right now. I will take a taxi to the beach. That is why I have those specific denominations so I can be sure I can pay the taxi driver properly. I think I will try to arrange the taxi a few days ahead of time if I can/they allow that. To relieve pressure from myself on the day. I have learned from past 'attempts' that on the day it is easy to be stopped if you have to make any kind of decisions. I am trying to eliminate decisions as much as I can this time so I can just make the only decision that matters.
After I get to the beach, I will sit on the beach and chill for a bit. I still need to figure out angle and stuff. What has been happening so far is that I get closer and closer every time and keep learning. I think I am going to use this forum to research during the next month what angle/orientation/shot I might want so as much is decided in advance as possible.
And I will have the printed bus schedule and enough money to get back if it doesn't work out. And I am going to see my therapist and talk to my doctor about switching to a psych doctor instead of the therapist and regular doctor combo on Monday (I have appointments with both). So we'll see how that goes, but it's comforting to have a plan for me.
That's all I have put together for now. Just basically threw it together after being stopped today. Happy to be here on the forum! Hope everyone who reads enjoys my contributions for the next month or so ~~