New member, please help me

[ijbolijbol8979]

Hi everyone,
I've been a lurker on this site for a little bit when I was at my lowest.
I decided to finally make myself an account because I once again, hit my lowest after 3 years. I want to kill myself, but i'm scared. I have a dog I don't want to harm, a mom, and a sister. I'm scared about regretting it.
Recently, a guy I've been talking to stopped talking to me out of nowhere. The once happiness he filled my life with is gone. And im struggling so much to get over it. He just disappeared without saying anything to me, not one word, and unadded me on everything.
Am I gonna kill myself over him? Probably. Yeah. Is it stupid? Yeah, definitely.
I am in so much pain, and my anti depressants isnt helping much either. I miss him. So much.

I need help. How do I land myself in the emergency room for a while? Just to get away from college, from work, from my life. I want to kill myself, I really do, but i'm so scared. Please help me. How do I get myself in the ER with moderate pain? I don't want to do anything harsh like cut a vein or something. I just want to be away from everyone.

 

[dune7263]

if you are feeling suicidal then call your emergency number and they will transfer you to a mental health team

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

I also don't have access to my anti depressants for an overdose. I attempted that before and my mom has taken it away from me.

 

[endpages]

That sounds like a really rough situation! I'm sorry you had to go through that. It happens so often these days unfortunately (people just randomly ghosting you). It's totally natural to be feeling the way you do, even though it's painful.

In addition to calling the emergency number, or as an alternative, you could always just go to the ER without hurting yourself and tell them you're feeling suicidal. There's usually a social worker there you can talk to. They will probably give you some options for mental health facilities in the area that you could stay at for a few days or longer where you'd have access to daily therapy, daily medication management/adjustments, and other mental health help. I can't say if it would actually be helpful or not. It depends on the person. Some people find it helps a lot, so it's worth a try if you've never been to one. I think it would be voluntary unless you had actually attempted to end your life.

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

That sounds like a really rough situation! I'm sorry you had to go through that. It happens so often these days unfortunately (people just randomly ghosting you). It's totally natural to be feeling the way you do, even though it's painful.

In addition to calling the emergency number, or as an alternative, you could always just go to the ER without hurting yourself and tell them you're feeling suicidal. There's usually a social worker there you can talk to. They will probably give you some options for mental health facilities in the area that you could stay at for a few days or longer where you'd have access to daily therapy, daily medication management/adjustments, and other mental health help. I can't say if it would actually be helpful or not. It depends on the person. Some people find it helps a lot, so it's worth a try if you've never been to one. I think it would be voluntary unless you had actually attempted to end your life.

The thing is, I heard so many scary situations about these mental institutions being more harmful than good. I'm taking 40mg of paroxetine and therapy every week but even then, i still feel so much pain. Its like i wish i was in a coma. Plus I am not sure if my mom would be on-board for that.

 

[The_Hunter]

Hi everyone,
I've been a lurker on this site for a little bit when I was at my lowest.
I decided to finally make myself an account because I once again, hit my lowest after 3 years. I want to kill myself, but i'm scared. I have a dog I don't want to harm, a mom, and a sister. I'm scared about regretting it.
Recently, a guy I've been talking to stopped talking to me out of nowhere. The once happiness he filled my life with is gone. And im struggling so much to get over it. He just disappeared without saying anything to me, not one word, and unadded me on everything.
Am I gonna kill myself over him? Probably. Yeah. Is it stupid? Yeah, definitely.
I am in so much pain, and my anti depressants isnt helping much either. I miss him. So much.

I need help. How do I land myself in the emergency room for a while? Just to get away from college, from work, from my life. I want to kill myself, I really do, but i'm so scared. Please help me. How do I get myself in the ER with moderate pain? I don't want to do anything harsh like cut a vein or something. I just want to be away from everyone.

It's very possible that maybe you don't have to kill yourself!! And maybe you just want a breather from all the insanity you're in right now, and you feel death is the ideal path for that right now. But I promise you, your fear is valid. You don't have to do this, if it fills you wtih fear and uncertainty to do so.

One musn't leave major regrets behind; if there's too much weighing against the option of suicide, then one ought not to die just yet. Suicide is always there; but untied loose ends remain loose forever.

It seems you're in a lot of pain and confusion right now--hang in there! I promise you this period of insanity will pass, and you WILL feel better despite how hellish it is right now. I truly cannot fathom what you are feeling right now, and I give you my utmost hugs for that

Suicide should not be done on impulse; it can only be the result of careful deliberation done in a clear state of mind. I feel you're just totally overloaded right now and just want some peace and ease. That is very human and valid, I understand that. But it looks like your current desire to end things comes from the unbearable pain you experience right now. I completely understand and intensely validate your wish to just be alone for a bit, to be alone and relaxed in the ER without anyone to bother you.

But it seems you just want a break, not a complete leave forever.

I can feel how stressed you are from your words. I think it's worth waiting 24 hours and seeing where things go from here. I feel it's not ideal to make such a weighty decision if you feel you're too scared to do it. Please don't force yourself to do things you don't want to. Giving you the biggest of [digital] hugs in your current feels. It is hell to feel insane. This too, shall pass.

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

It's very possible that maybe you don't have to kill yourself!! And maybe you just want a breather from all the insanity you're in right now, and you feel death is the ideal path for that right now. But I promise you, your fear is valid. You don't have to do this, if it fills you wtih fear and uncertainty to do so.

One musn't leave major regrets behind; if there's too much weighing against the option of suicide, then one ought not to die just yet. Suicide is always there; but untied loose ends remain loose forever.

It seems you're in a lot of pain and confusion right now--hang in there! I promise you this period of insanity will pass, and you WILL feel better despite how hellish it is right now. I truly cannot fathom what you are feeling right now, and I give you my utmost hugs for that

Suicide should not be done on impulse; it can only be the result of careful deliberation done in a clear state of mind. I feel you're just totally overloaded right now and just want some peace and ease. That is very human and valid, I understand that. But it looks like your current desire to end things comes from the unbearable pain you experience right now. I completely understand and intensely validate your wish to just be alone for a bit, to be alone and relaxed in the ER without anyone to bother you.

But it seems you just want a break, not a complete leave forever.

I can feel how stressed you are from your words. I think it's worth waiting 24 hours and seeing where things go from here. I feel it's not ideal to make such a weighty decision if you feel you're too scared to do it. Please don't force yourself to do things you don't want to. Giving you the biggest of [digital] hugs in your current feels. It is hell to feel insane. This too, shall pass.

Thank you so much. Honestly I came here to find ways I can harm myself to land in the ER, but I didn't expect everyone to be so understanding and kind!
Right now its hard to function without the guy I love, who disappeared, I even talked to his sisters about it and they said that he doesn't hate anyone, he carries his own trauma.
But I wish he would have told me something. Anything.
Right now I think it is stupid for me to commit suicide, but I still want a place where I can get help and be alone. And being in an institution seems the best bet.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

How do I get myself in the ER with moderate pain?

The thing is, I heard so many scary situations about these mental institutions being more harmful than good.

Yeah, you'll be sent to psychward either way. If you don't want to risk being placed in a psych ward and you also don't want to die from your attempt (which I'm assuming based on the whole "how do I get myself in the ER" question) then your only option is to not attempt at all. That's the only surefire way to avoid the possibility of being sent to grippy sock jail.

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

Yeah, you'll be sent to psychward either way. If you don't want to risk being placed in a psych ward and you also don't want to die from your attempt (which I'm assuming based on the whole "how do I get myself in the ER" question) then your only option is to not attempt at all. That's the only surefire way to avoid the possibility of being sent to grippy sock jail.

Grippy sock jail
I am at a conundrum then, I don't know what I should do :(

 

[platypus77]

I wish I could be with you, are you open to try some quick distress tolerance exercises?

 

[EternalShore]

welcome! :) I'm sorry that all that has brought you here~ >_< I hope you're able to experience warmth from others here~ :) People here are very nice! ^_^
I wish I could help you but unless someone here has some genius idea about how to fabricate something while also making it not hurt that much and not have lasting effects, I don't think much is going to work~ >_< regardless, before you do anything like getting warded, keep in mind your responsibilities first! >_< If you're going to get sent out in a far worse place than you entered, then it's not good at all! D: Someone else in another thread talked about how they got fired for being stuck in the hospital~
I hope you can find someone like him again soon~ :( someone that will actually stay with you this time and truly will care for you! >_< finding love is so hard! :/ especially when people are so selfish and don't know what good things they have until they leave them! :/

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

I wish I could be with you, are you open to try some quick distress tolerance exercises?

What are those?
Also it's currently 12:30 am and I have work at 9

 

[platypus77]

Let's try some grounding exercises. Talk to me
Focus on describing nearby objects in detail (color, texture, size).
Identify 5 things you see

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

welcome! :) I'm sorry that all that has brought you here~ >_< I hope you're able to experience warmth from others here~ :) People here are very nice! ^_^
I wish I could help you but unless someone here has some genius idea about how to fabricate something while also making it not hurt that much and not have lasting effects, I don't think much is going to work~ >_< regardless, before you do anything like getting warded, keep in mind your responsibilities first! >_< If you're going to get sent out in a far worse place than you entered, then it's not good at all! D: Someone else in another thread talked about how they got fired for being stuck in the hospital~
I hope you can find someone like him again soon~ :( someone that will actually stay with you this time and truly will care for you! >_< finding love is so hard! :/ especially when people are so selfish and don't know what good things they have until they leave them! :/

Honestly I don't care if I get fired since the job isn't that all great for me and my current situation.
I really trusted this guy and I just wished he would have said ANYTHING to me before leaving like that :(

 

[platypus77]

Honestly I don't care if I get fired since the job isn't that all great for me and my current situation.
I really trusted this guy and I just wished he would have said ANYTHING to me before leaving like that :(

Don't worry about it now, let's focus on you first

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

Let's try some grounding exercises. Talk to me
Focus on describing nearby objects in detail (color, texture, size).
Identify 5 things you see

Alright. Five things I see,
My growlithe plushie, he's orange, soft but also a little rough. Fat too
My pc setup, its black and pink, its smooth and hard to the touch
My childhood plushie, he's a dog, brown, a white circle on one eye, a little rugged from wear and tear + black stitches as eyes since my doggo ripped his eyes out when she was a puppy
Speaking of, I see my dog's grey bed, its circular and really soft.
Finally, I see my window to the outside. Its dark and quiet, also cold!

 

[platypus77]

Great!!!

4 things you feel

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

Great!!!

4 things you feel

I feel lonely, i would play video games with this guy everyday, even waiting when he would get off work
I feel sad, he's gone, and didn't say one word to me
I feel confused. Why would he leave suddenly? Everything was going okay, and his last message to me was on monday, telling me to have a good night.
I feel calmer than I was before. So many people here are so nice!!

 

[platypus77]

I'm with you in this.

3 things you hear

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

I'm with you with this.

3 things you hear

I hear the heating unit going off, its a humming noise
I hear myself breathing
I hear my sister walking to her room

 

[platypus77]

Good job!

2 things you smell

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

Good job!

2 things you smell

I smell my hair, i showered a bit earlier, it smells like shampoo

I smell my blanket, it smells like my dog lol

 

[platypus77]

You're doing great!

1 thing you taste

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

You're doing great!

1 thing you taste

My saliva and my nail from me biting my nails right now

 

[platypus77]

How are you feeling? Calmer?

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

How are you feeling?

So much calmer now. Like my thoughts aren't racing as much!

 

[platypus77]

Wow, you did great!
Do you have access to ice or cold water?

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

Wow, you did great!
Do you have access to ice or cold water?

I sure do

 

[platypus77]

Go grab some.
Hold ice packs or splash cold water on your face.
This activates the mammalian dive reflex and calms the nervous system.

 

[ijbolijbol8979]

I'm on it. Thank you so much for helping me calm down, this is better than the cutting i did earlier.