Hello everyone, I am new to the site and I came here to share my thoughts about my most recent decision to commit suicide. I have contemplated suicide in the past, but this is the very first time that I feel resolute about it. My mind is completely made up, and I joined this site so that I could express my feelings openly with others, without judgment.
My current thoughts cover a range of topics, so I would like to thank everyone who takes the time to read my post!
First, I would like to explain a bit about why I have come to this decision. I am currently in school, trying to earn my diploma. I feel that things have been constantly setting me back, and I have been working very hard in an effort to improve myself and make life a little easier. I am very tired, and I have made this choice not because it is easier, but because the struggles I have faced in life are not something I want to continue to endure any longer. I met a man while studying, and he has helped me so much, and I feel that I owe him a lot. I don't know if he will ever read this after I'm gone, but if he does, I hope he knows how much he has helped me, and how much I love him. He is also going through a lot at the moment, and while I would never encourage him to commit suicide himself, I hope that he finds peace somehow.
I have been researching methods of painless suicide for many years, and I have finally discovered the best method that I have current access to. My method will be charcoal burning. I feel that I will face some difficulties when attempting to carry out my plan. I live with my mom, who does not have a car of her own at the moment, and so she very seldom leaves the home. I will have to order the items I need online, to carry out my suicide. I am worried about my mom being curious if she discovers the items upon delivery, and asking questions. I am hoping to time the delivery appropriately so I can be discreet, and then carry out my plan in the bathroom when no one is home.
Any information that someone could share about this method, or other similar methods, would be very appreciated! I do not consider this to be encouragement in any way. I only want to learn as much as I can before I attempt to carry out this plan. The reason is because I wish to have a safe, successful execution of my plan. I do not wish for any other people to be harmed by this method, and I would like to know if there are any suggestions for precautions I should take to avoid this?
I want to leave letters for everyone who is important to me in my life, to hopefully help explain the reason for my decision and to ensure them that it is not their fault. Hopefully it will give them closure and help them to not grieve for me too much.
The last thing on my mind regarding my decision, are my religious beliefs. I am a Christian. I have heard many times throughout my life that suicide is an unforgivable sin, but I have a different belief than other Christians. During the last funeral that I attended for one of my grandparents, the pastor said that a person's soul goes back to God when they die. I heard him say that it is a warm and loving feeling, far better than anything that can be experienced on this Earth. Some Christians say that the decision to take your life is unforgivable because God gives life, and only he has the power or authority to take it. Sadly, many people die every day. Their lives are taken by accidents or illnesses, and I don't think that God has anything to do with any of that. There are many lives that are taken every day, that God did not take. I feel that it is God who takes your soul, not your life. Life is a gift. I don't feel like I have any power over my life, which is one reason I dislike it so much. But I am grateful for the gift I was given by God, and all of the good things that have happened in it so far. At the moment I take it, I would like God to know that I was grateful for having been given the chance, and that I am sorry that I failed so miserably at it. Now I just feel tired and weary of how so many people are treated with unkindness in this world, and I want God to take my soul to a place where it can be at peace.
My current thoughts cover a range of topics, so I would like to thank everyone who takes the time to read my post!
First, I would like to explain a bit about why I have come to this decision. I am currently in school, trying to earn my diploma. I feel that things have been constantly setting me back, and I have been working very hard in an effort to improve myself and make life a little easier. I am very tired, and I have made this choice not because it is easier, but because the struggles I have faced in life are not something I want to continue to endure any longer. I met a man while studying, and he has helped me so much, and I feel that I owe him a lot. I don't know if he will ever read this after I'm gone, but if he does, I hope he knows how much he has helped me, and how much I love him. He is also going through a lot at the moment, and while I would never encourage him to commit suicide himself, I hope that he finds peace somehow.
I have been researching methods of painless suicide for many years, and I have finally discovered the best method that I have current access to. My method will be charcoal burning. I feel that I will face some difficulties when attempting to carry out my plan. I live with my mom, who does not have a car of her own at the moment, and so she very seldom leaves the home. I will have to order the items I need online, to carry out my suicide. I am worried about my mom being curious if she discovers the items upon delivery, and asking questions. I am hoping to time the delivery appropriately so I can be discreet, and then carry out my plan in the bathroom when no one is home.
Any information that someone could share about this method, or other similar methods, would be very appreciated! I do not consider this to be encouragement in any way. I only want to learn as much as I can before I attempt to carry out this plan. The reason is because I wish to have a safe, successful execution of my plan. I do not wish for any other people to be harmed by this method, and I would like to know if there are any suggestions for precautions I should take to avoid this?
I want to leave letters for everyone who is important to me in my life, to hopefully help explain the reason for my decision and to ensure them that it is not their fault. Hopefully it will give them closure and help them to not grieve for me too much.
The last thing on my mind regarding my decision, are my religious beliefs. I am a Christian. I have heard many times throughout my life that suicide is an unforgivable sin, but I have a different belief than other Christians. During the last funeral that I attended for one of my grandparents, the pastor said that a person's soul goes back to God when they die. I heard him say that it is a warm and loving feeling, far better than anything that can be experienced on this Earth. Some Christians say that the decision to take your life is unforgivable because God gives life, and only he has the power or authority to take it. Sadly, many people die every day. Their lives are taken by accidents or illnesses, and I don't think that God has anything to do with any of that. There are many lives that are taken every day, that God did not take. I feel that it is God who takes your soul, not your life. Life is a gift. I don't feel like I have any power over my life, which is one reason I dislike it so much. But I am grateful for the gift I was given by God, and all of the good things that have happened in it so far. At the moment I take it, I would like God to know that I was grateful for having been given the chance, and that I am sorry that I failed so miserably at it. Now I just feel tired and weary of how so many people are treated with unkindness in this world, and I want God to take my soul to a place where it can be at peace.
