Rachel74
Enlightened
- Sep 7, 2019
- 1,716
I don't know what happened today but it's been awful. I got to work shouted at people then cried. I sent a message to my partner saying I wanted to die. He's trying to teach a class as well as keep me calm. He says I love you. I feel a bit calmer then the alarm kept going off at work again I started crying. I got home to find my pup Daisy had broken into the bathroom and ransacked the place and taken a bleach bottle and it was all over the bed. I sat in the bathroom and cried, call my partner said please come home, I said I can't as he's prep duty with students until 8.00 (he teaches in a private boarding school) I said by the time you get home I'll be dead. An hour as passed he didn't come home. He then called me to say you know what Rachel I've had enough myself, the last few months I've thought of ending my life but I love you too much.
I've been wrapped up in my own misery to not see that he is suffering. He hates his job and hates teaching but it was what he was qualified to do when he left the Air Force. My survival instinct kicked in and made me look hard at myself. Don't give up on my treatment and try to get out of this horrible black depression.
I sometimes forget the pain he's suffered. His wife humiliated him when they broke up and she found out he was on a swinging site. She got pictures and sent them to all of his family, friends and the school he was teaching at. He got arrested as she said that one picture she found was with a flat chested woman and said it was a girl. She told his kids who didn't want to have anything to do with him, friends didn't and the school suspended him while a police investigation was taking place. Luckily the police realised the malice of his ex but this really did kill him inside. He sued his last school and got some money but the love of teaching had gone. After 10 years his daughter still doesn't want to know but he continues paying for her and it's just so sad.
I'm not saying don't commit suicide but please think like I have to what your actions before it might do to others. He's already been destroyed once and I can't do it again even though I so don't want to live.
I've been wrapped up in my own misery to not see that he is suffering. He hates his job and hates teaching but it was what he was qualified to do when he left the Air Force. My survival instinct kicked in and made me look hard at myself. Don't give up on my treatment and try to get out of this horrible black depression.
I sometimes forget the pain he's suffered. His wife humiliated him when they broke up and she found out he was on a swinging site. She got pictures and sent them to all of his family, friends and the school he was teaching at. He got arrested as she said that one picture she found was with a flat chested woman and said it was a girl. She told his kids who didn't want to have anything to do with him, friends didn't and the school suspended him while a police investigation was taking place. Luckily the police realised the malice of his ex but this really did kill him inside. He sued his last school and got some money but the love of teaching had gone. After 10 years his daughter still doesn't want to know but he continues paying for her and it's just so sad.
I'm not saying don't commit suicide but please think like I have to what your actions before it might do to others. He's already been destroyed once and I can't do it again even though I so don't want to live.
