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de_sparrow

de_sparrow

NowIKnow
Jan 25, 2020
2
Hi. I have just joined and am relieved to have found a place to be amongst others, even if meeting here isn't under the best circumstances. I am in my 40's and for as long as I can remember, I have never been "happy". At one point I was successful and high-functioning, however, due to increasing emotional and physical pain (stenosis in neck due to degenerative disk disease and trauma)it is all I can do to care for my three dogs, whom I love so very dearly that they are most of the reason why I am still here.
Been in therapy off and on since age of 15, and prescribed everything from Amitriptoline at 16 to Cymbalta at 35. Currently taking Wellbutrin for depression and Xanax for anxiety, and am also prescribed pain medication. Ironically, I am very careful in taking pain meds after I learned the hard way not to go through them too soon.
Opiate withdrawal is so bad that trying to CTB via O.D. scares the bejeez out of me. If I tried and failed, I would be screwed.
I have self medicated all my life as well.
My outside support network is nill with the exception of my childhood friend who knows, but doesn't really get how serious I am. My boyfriend and I have drifted apart, and when I expressed to him—let's just say that he compares himself to Homer Simpson. He and I are total opposites as far as depth goes. The most he said was that maybe I should talk to someone. That's what brought me here.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: MsMaudlin, MysticPerception and Maravillosa
H

HadEnough1974

I try to be funny...
Jan 14, 2020
684
I don't know if I should say welcome to the forum or I'm sorry that you're here. Either way, we are here to support you.
 
G

Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,015
Hello, and welcome. It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot. I'm glad to hear you're reaching out for support. It's hard living with so much physical pain and depression long term. I hope you find happiness and peace here.
 
H

HadEnough1974

I try to be funny...
Jan 14, 2020
684
Cymbalta is very difficult to get off of. Withdrawal causes restless legs. They deliberately don't make lower doses. I had to open the capsule and every day remove one more grain. They are tiny. Took me 6 months to get off it.
 

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