sadpigeon
sad pigeon
- May 10, 2025
- 19
i was born with a rare condition that caused only half of my heart to develop, so i was constantly in and out of hospitals growing up for constant appointments. i also have had a spinal fracture for over a year now that isn't healing, and it makes it even harder to live and gives me constant pain. the only way it would heal is most likely by surgery, but that would just be more suffering that i don't want.
i developed severe anxiety at only 6, and my father began to become very abusive to me and the rest of my family, this was most likely brought on by the stress of having a special needs child. my mother and father were constantly fighting, and my father never wanted to be around me.
i was never much of a good looking guy either. i grew up with terrible body dysmorphia that began at the very beginning of 1st grade, and it only got worse as i got older and uglier. even though i wore sunscreen and protected my skin, i had terrible premature aging, so right now at 18 i look 40. my body is also terribly misshapen, i have comically bad proportions that will keep me single forever (which is fine, i am aro-ace) i have a large stomach and large amounts of back fat but yet i have no ass, it's like a flat board that sits below rows of heavy sand bags. my jaw is uncomfortably crooked, so not only does it disfigure me but it also causes me pain. i've begged for treatment but my mother is too busy with work to take me to the dentist, and my dad is a deadbeat who doesn't want anything to do with me (my parents are divorced now)
i am not sure what i am going to do to ctb, i wanted to go out by sodium nitrite, but it is illegal to buy pure quantities of it in my state and i also can't afford to fork over a hundred dollars to kill myself, so now i am thinking of a self blood chokehold. i'm not sure when ill do it, i have a lot of things coming up in the coming months but im honestly too depressed and sore to care about them.
i developed severe anxiety at only 6, and my father began to become very abusive to me and the rest of my family, this was most likely brought on by the stress of having a special needs child. my mother and father were constantly fighting, and my father never wanted to be around me.
i was never much of a good looking guy either. i grew up with terrible body dysmorphia that began at the very beginning of 1st grade, and it only got worse as i got older and uglier. even though i wore sunscreen and protected my skin, i had terrible premature aging, so right now at 18 i look 40. my body is also terribly misshapen, i have comically bad proportions that will keep me single forever (which is fine, i am aro-ace) i have a large stomach and large amounts of back fat but yet i have no ass, it's like a flat board that sits below rows of heavy sand bags. my jaw is uncomfortably crooked, so not only does it disfigure me but it also causes me pain. i've begged for treatment but my mother is too busy with work to take me to the dentist, and my dad is a deadbeat who doesn't want anything to do with me (my parents are divorced now)
i am not sure what i am going to do to ctb, i wanted to go out by sodium nitrite, but it is illegal to buy pure quantities of it in my state and i also can't afford to fork over a hundred dollars to kill myself, so now i am thinking of a self blood chokehold. i'm not sure when ill do it, i have a lot of things coming up in the coming months but im honestly too depressed and sore to care about them.
