BlueberrySylv
a very meower
- Dec 31, 2024
- 52
well...i have been way less active here recently as i just been getting slowly better and more irl. so i kinda stopped coming here to not remind myself of what had happened.
to summarize i took less than 1mg of sn, got scared from the symptoms i was having and told my mom and i went to er for a while.
afterwards i went under psyciatrist hand and i started anti depressants.
slowly i started feeling better, i started 50mg of sertraline and 25mg of imipramine which after 1 month the sertraline got upped to 100mg and ever since im still on it.
so how am i now? what am i feeling and am i better?
well. yes, much much better than when i was 5 months ago. thoughts of ctb and sn and other things were not going out of my mind. i was extremely depressed. didnt study didnt bother moving out of the bed and didnt bother with anything unless i was forced to.
but only 1 week of being on anti deps i started feeling completely numb. my emotions got squished down into nothingness and while many people are extremely uncomfortable with this. personally i LOVED it. the feeling of not feeling sad nor happy nor excited nor stressed. or any emotion was like a blessing to me after what i had been through in that hospital and all those mental breakdowns i had.
though it didnt last long, after like week 3 my emotions was dampened but they came back. i started feeling more and less numb. but i was starting to feel things.
though it wasnt bad it was neutral sadness happyness it was. normal.
all this is while i was trying my best to be more...active to get myself out of this depression as i didnt wanted to get back into it, and trying to keep hopeful about this.
after 2 months of being under these medication i got kinda used to it and now its kinda hard for me to even tell if im on any medication. or if they do anything to me, im too used to them now.
but it really did help me. a lot as well. i went from non-functional person to partially functional. i draw sometimes now and i read books, im playing games again.
issues exist still and things like loneliness and some other personality issues that are inside me itself are still present but it doesnt make me AS sad as before, though it does make me still stressed and just generally bringing me down.
so despite many people in here not having good experince with anti depressants. for me it was pretty good!
and i will and always suggest anyone who has such major depression to try them out. at least for 3 months.
also for those who are intrested in anti depressants and cant go to a psyciatrist to get prescribed any. please look into a medication called "5-HTP" its a form of anti depressants that in most places should not need a prescription to be bought.
and as a final note if anyone is curious what book im reading ( and just cause i want to talk about it :3), im reading a book called "house of leaves" its a novel puzzle and psycological horror book. its so good.
and if you kept up until here and read all this, much love from me <3
to summarize i took less than 1mg of sn, got scared from the symptoms i was having and told my mom and i went to er for a while.
afterwards i went under psyciatrist hand and i started anti depressants.
slowly i started feeling better, i started 50mg of sertraline and 25mg of imipramine which after 1 month the sertraline got upped to 100mg and ever since im still on it.
so how am i now? what am i feeling and am i better?
well. yes, much much better than when i was 5 months ago. thoughts of ctb and sn and other things were not going out of my mind. i was extremely depressed. didnt study didnt bother moving out of the bed and didnt bother with anything unless i was forced to.
but only 1 week of being on anti deps i started feeling completely numb. my emotions got squished down into nothingness and while many people are extremely uncomfortable with this. personally i LOVED it. the feeling of not feeling sad nor happy nor excited nor stressed. or any emotion was like a blessing to me after what i had been through in that hospital and all those mental breakdowns i had.
though it didnt last long, after like week 3 my emotions was dampened but they came back. i started feeling more and less numb. but i was starting to feel things.
though it wasnt bad it was neutral sadness happyness it was. normal.
all this is while i was trying my best to be more...active to get myself out of this depression as i didnt wanted to get back into it, and trying to keep hopeful about this.
after 2 months of being under these medication i got kinda used to it and now its kinda hard for me to even tell if im on any medication. or if they do anything to me, im too used to them now.
but it really did help me. a lot as well. i went from non-functional person to partially functional. i draw sometimes now and i read books, im playing games again.
issues exist still and things like loneliness and some other personality issues that are inside me itself are still present but it doesnt make me AS sad as before, though it does make me still stressed and just generally bringing me down.
so despite many people in here not having good experince with anti depressants. for me it was pretty good!
and i will and always suggest anyone who has such major depression to try them out. at least for 3 months.
also for those who are intrested in anti depressants and cant go to a psyciatrist to get prescribed any. please look into a medication called "5-HTP" its a form of anti depressants that in most places should not need a prescription to be bought.
and as a final note if anyone is curious what book im reading ( and just cause i want to talk about it :3), im reading a book called "house of leaves" its a novel puzzle and psycological horror book. its so good.
and if you kept up until here and read all this, much love from me <3
