Venting My Self Harm Scars Shame

[No_Body]

i started cutting myself very early in life, at age 14, but even earlier during childhood i was harming myself in different ways, i always had scars on my arm, and the self harm became worse the more i grew up

started using different methods, deep cuts and burning myself with cigarette buds, i felt so ashamed of those scars, so ashamed. i always felt like a pussy because i am supposed to be a man but i got scars like this.

i have been judged for them, fake friends who have caught a glimpse, and they give you this stare, this disgusting weird look they give when you know they are judging you hard.

i haven't worn a short sleeve t-shirt in over 10 years of my life, even wear hoodies during the summer, when it is excruciatingly hot, and people ask "why don't you wear a t-shirt" i fucking hate people man, idiots

so because of that i went abroad and mutilated myself even further, i paid a plastic surgeon to perform a skin graft on me, because i couldn't live my life always worrying about who saw them, and what not

i think the anxiety lessened after that, but the results of the surgery aren't the best, any idiot can see there were self harm scars underneath it

just today i got reminded of it because i had sexual intercourse with someone and they kept starring at it, my arm looks disgusting, and so does my thigh where the skin got taken from.

i fucking mutilated myself

i am still in recovery phases, i think i will try get a tattoo cover up or something, certain scars just can't go away i guess, i learned that the hard way

 

[EternallyCold]

I get it. It must be frustrating and hurtful to have people make assumptions or judge you coz of your scars. It's great that you took steps to address that issue and had surgery to lessen the scarring even tho it's unfortunate the results didn't meet your expectations. Covering the scars with a tattoo could also help you feel more comfortable and confident in your body. But remember, your scars do not define you and are nothing to be ashamed of, they're a symbol of your strength and how much you've gone through. Fuck what other people think of them, your worth as a person is not defined by your scars or appearance

 

[Deepdense]

A tattoo would probably be the best as long as the skin is evened out. Even if it isn't it shouldn't be too big of a deal. You could also just use make up over it or get laser therapy. But if you want to go full masochist mode, you can get something like a soldering iron and burn the skin over. You'd have to be insane to do this, but a burn scar is easy to explain if you're vague. Burns are also generally more acceptable scars to have. You probably shouldn't do this though.

 

[violetforever]

why did you go for a skin graft instead of laser? asking out of genuine curiosity as someone who started cutting at 11 and has a fairly noticeable scar on each wrist. i haven't thought of removing mine though because no one has been bold enough to say anything to me either. i guess i am used to people looking at me in some way since i'm skinny and underweight.

 

[No_Body]

why did you go for a skin graft instead of laser? asking out of genuine curiosity as someone who started cutting at 11 and has a fairly noticeable scar on each wrist. i haven't thought of removing mine though because no one has been bold enough to say anything to me either. i guess i am used to people looking at me in some way since i'm skinny and underweight.

i had scars that were very deep, keloid scars. laser wouldn't really work on me

 

[BoundlessF8]

I always just ignore people or smirk as I make up stories whenever they ask about the scars. It's none of their business. Shallow people don't understand nor do they deserve a look inside when all they see are the scars and not the person. Scars show depth imo, regardless of how they got there. We are all carrying burdens inside, sometimes those burdens are great enough that scars are the end result. You've survived a depth of the human experience that most people never touch. That's not something to be ashamed of.

 

[No_Body]

I always just ignore people or smirk as I make up stories whenever they ask about the scars. It's none of their business. Shallow people don't understand nor do they deserve a look inside when all they see are the scars and not the person. Scars show depth imo, regardless of how they got there. We are all carrying burdens inside, sometimes those burdens are great enough that scars are the end result. You've survived a depth of the human experience that most people never touch. That's not something to be ashamed of.

i understand… but it is hard re-wiring your brain to care less of other's opinion about you

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Lightweight merino longsleeve shirts are pretty good even in warm weather if you need to hide them but not like, overheat.

Source; personal experience.

 

[BoundlessF8]

i understand… but it is hard re-wiring your brain to care less of other's opinion about you

Absolutely. We're conditioned our entire lives to hold the opinions of others in our heads. It still affects me sometimes too. I hope you can find a way to be comfortable with the scars whether it be getting tattoos, seeing a dermatologist to addess the scarring or accepting them. You are not a pussy.

 

[Mint Floss]

I love my scars, to be honest. It's a beautiful representation my of pain externalized. There's something terribly real about them. Never understood why people hate them.

I always liked this line from fight club...

I just don't want to die without a few scars, I say. It's nothing any more to have a beautiful stock body. You see those cars that are completely stock cherry, right out of a dealer's show room in 1955, I always think, what a waste. (48)