my mom is so quick to call me abusive but still believes my dad didn’t abuse us even tho he did

[l0stc4use]

i'm not sure which category to post this so if it's wrong mods can move it.

but i thought of this today. my mom has called me abusive because i argue with her a lot and ruined christmas last year by getting upset that my sister and her boyfriend are transphobic. but she still tells me she doesn't think my dad abused us even though he neglected me and my sister as kids and was the textbook definition of emotionally abusive. it hurts. but i still question if maybe she is right and i am a horrible person. i try to do my best and treat everybody with kindness

 

[LoiteringClouds]

First of all, I'm no expert but I'm sure you are NOT a horrible person.
Abusers often downplay damages done on victims and shift the blame.
Can you distance yourself from your mom emotionally? It seems to be a toxic relationship (but again I'm not an expert. )

If you need to vent, keep posting here!
I wish you the best

 

[SamTam33]

Even if I didn't agree with her assessment, I'd tell her that if I'm abusive then I must've inherited it from my dad (and it's her fault for picking him to make babies with).

I've gotten into the habit of reminding my parents that whatever they don't like about me - came from them.

We didn't make ourselves. Who did the "ingredients" come from?

It infuriates the hell out of them because it's the truth.

Parents love to assume that all of your good traits came from them and the bad ones manifested out of thin air.

Nope. That's not even remotely how it works.

 

[H.O.Xan]

Isn't this gaslighting? Or projection. Either way, do u have a way to b independent of this situation?