Help My life is worthless...can anyone relate?

[beyondbreath]

Idk how I'm supposed to keep going when I feel like life is meaningless and pointless. Not only do I have 15+ yrs depression and anxiety disorder but I've recently realized my life has no meaning or purpose at all. I feel like a massive waste of space.



"Make your own meaning!" But that's not good enough. I look at all the millions of stars and reading a good book just isn't enough for me.


And I hate feeling this way not only because it hurts me but it's changing how I see other people too. I am not a person who sees the homeless and disabled and thinks hateful things. I have compassion and always have. But now I look at people, people of all kinds, and all I can think is what a waste of space and resources we all are....it's horrible. I don't recognize myself.



What am I supposed to do? How does one find happiness and meaning when you've been mentally ill for so long, done all the therapy, taken the meds, done the meditation? And you're still stuck?

 

[whyyyyyyyy]

I can relate. Still stuck, of limited use to others, not really having any fun on your own either, everything feels exhausting, including efforts to "make things right", so exhausting that you rightly question whether it's really worth doing, yet continuing to be strung along, dragging through life, because despite it not being all that, I'm still too attached to life, even in this state of being, to have the courage to die. It feels like the answer in this situation is to either go on a bold, spontaneous adventure that will transform you, or just kill yourself. Or grind in the middle, in limbo, which is what I'm doing.

I wish there were a clear answer, it's the uncertainty about making the right choice while desperately craving relief that is tough. That's a very persistent background pain.

Yeah, what is this all going to amount to? Will things ever get better? Or am I just an absolute fool who's also destined for a worse and worse life. Maybe a terrible afterlife too.

So yes, I relate

 

[Lions303]

Im sorry things are really tough right now. I dont think those thoughts are horrible, they're just thoughts. I really wish I could say 'oh you just do this and this and everything is amazing again' but no. Having said that, like any 'problem' firstly recognizing something is happening is the best first step. Is there anything you like doing? Any hobbies? Interests or anything? Just anything thats for yourself from yourself?

 

[beyondbreath]

Im sorry things are really tough right now. I dont think those thoughts are horrible, they're just thoughts. I really wish I could say 'oh you just do this and this and everything is amazing again' but no. Having said that, like any 'problem' firstly recognizing something is happening is the best first step. Is there anything you like doing? Any hobbies? Interests or anything? Just anything thats for yourself from yourself?

Yes and no. The issue is I do have an anhedonia problem and exhaustion. I do like to read and write and I have been reading a bit more lately which is good. But, and I'm not trying to be difficult here just honest, my hobbies make me feel worthless still. Because what even am I contributing by enjoying a good book, ya know?

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Yes and no. The issue is I do have an anhedonia problem and exhaustion. I do like to read and write and I have been reading a bit more lately which is good. But, and I'm not trying to be difficult here just honest, my hobbies make me feel worthless still. Because what even am I contribut

Idk how I'm supposed to keep going when I feel like life is meaningless and pointless. Not only do I have 15+ yrs depression and anxiety disorder but I've recently realized my life has no meaning or purpose at all. I feel like a massive waste of space.



"Make your own meaning!" But that's not good enough. I look at all the millions of stars and reading a good book just isn't enough for me.


And I hate feeling this way not only because it hurts me but it's changing how I see other people too. I am not a person who sees the homeless and disabled and thinks hateful things. I have compassion and always have. But now I look at people, people of all kinds, and all I can think is what a waste of space and resources we all are....it's horrible. I don't recognize myself.



What am I supposed to do? How does one find happiness and meaning when you've been mentally ill for so long, done all the therapy, taken the meds, done the meditation? And you're still stuck?

Hey I don't mean this in a weird way but I apologize if you take it as such because I am not very good with my words. You need a massage whether you go to a parlor or something you need the focus on you in a way in which you do not have to reciprocate the attention. I know this might sound like some pseudo hogwash but your shoulders and your neck and your back basically retain a lot of the stress from your nervous system and I'm not going to infodump how we have brain cells in our heart and other areas of our body but you can look it up.

People suck. And you seem like someone who gives a lot of love and doesn't get it back, and I could be way off. But you definitely deserve to you have someone listen to you on a one-on-one. Unfortunately digitally you're probably only going to make yourself feel more ostracized. I get that you feel messed up and you feel like everyone's messed up... Yeah, they pretty much are.

But everything is a paradox even if that doesn't make sense. Pleasure and Pain are interwoven and you really can't experience one without the other and the same goes with mental stimulants like reading books, if you can't enjoy nature for 5 minutes you can't enjoy a book. It would be good to talk to close friends or someone you can trust who can help you try something new even something on like a bucket list of yours. You got a break the chain of the rut you're in.
I will say the problem with overthinking things and having compassion is we idealize a perfect world while completely ignoring reality which is parasitic and symbiotic and comorbid. That's why we're taught to be wary of people who play on our emotions because it's something we're all susceptible to whether we realize it or not.