Venting my life is so hopeless

[BlizzardSnow]

idek why im writing this but like i dont have anyone to tell to and ive been thinking ab it for a while so yea. my life is so hopeless and i cant see a future for myself, every job path i think about is sad and depressing and i feel like in no situation would i be even remotely happy in job i could reasonably get and idek what im doing. My parents have been talking and nagging about it but i really dont know and i feel like the only way is to ctb cuz else im just gonna end up homeless on the road or just miserable. it doesnt help that im bad at everything i do, i was not good at anything and probably will never be and ugly. maybe if i looked better it would be a small boost to reconsider and maybe delay my ctb, though it probably wouldnt stop it, it would probably help. but i dont. i have friends and family, but theyre going to get over it eventually and its not like im even useful or anything and im practically just being a burden on my parents so my ctb wouldnt even really harm anyone. in fact it would help them out (at least for my family) because its one less mouth to feed. i feel like they'll be sad but its honestly better for them if they realize it or not. i dont even have a partner or anything, only friends and im sure they will get over it eventually (and way faster a partner would, and since i dont have that im not that worried about that part). i want to ctb soon or asap, at least get my sn as its probably only going to be harder to come by as time goes on but its not working. i feel like eventually there will be a time where all the options i might have rn for a more preferrable route to ctb wont be available anymore so idk what to do. I know its bad to go along with a method you are unsure of but i feel like hanging may be the only option as i technically have everything i need, which is a rope. I dont have an area to hang though which is an issue but i might start looking into hanging more and maybe i can find a spot, if i cant then im actually screwed because i really cant think of another reliable way that I can do. I would use a gun as a last last resort because i don't really want to but i dont even have access to one and jumping too possibly but i also dont have access to a high enough building. i really dont know what to do aahhh i want to ctb so bad i really cant wait anymore but i cant idk im so lost sorry this was so long im probablly going to delete this or smth before i hopefully find a way to and ctb soon so no one sees it incase they find my SaSu acc somehow

 

[four_walls_girl]

Aaah are you me? T_T being good at nothing but desperately wanting to be sucks so bad, especially cause it makes getting a job a million times harder (not like I actually want to work anyways tho :p) Sounds like your brains been really tough on you too ( ; _ ; )/~~~

 

[BlizzardSnow]

Aaah are you me? T_T being good at nothing but desperately wanting to be sucks so bad, especially cause it makes getting a job a million times harder (not like I actually want to work anyways tho :p) Sounds like your brains been really tough on you too ( ; _ ; )/~~~

YEA ik like i swear like theres so many ppl better than me at lik everything i do so i cant stand out so why even try?? i did so many extracurricular stuff as a kid like dance skate art and a bunch of other stuff but nothing rly stuck i acc tried everything and im no good at sports either life is so unfair like everyone else has aalll these things and ion have shit :(

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I also have no skills and there is a good chance that I won't end up graduating from university, tbh (I'm still trying to come to terms with it). The only potential alternative I can think of is moving in with my bf, the downside of which being that he is from the US (that country is going to be going to shit under Trump) and the fact that my parents won't be happy to find out about him (he is a lot older than me, lol). I don't even really want to get a job in the first place since the only job that somewhat appeals to me is maybe being a librarian and my university doesn't offer the courses needed for that. I don't want to be a clinician and in no way do I think I'd do well in research, so I'm kind of stuck. I'm too ugly to profit off of my appearance and I don't think I even like the idea of doing so. If only my parents used protection,cthen I wouldn't be here having to stress out over this bullshit. I love them but I also resent them for having me.

 

[brickedup]

bro you are literally me.. i wanna ctb so my friends and family can have it better. they dont gaf either. i have a bf but if i suicide "well it happened". no body gives a flying fuck about me and im useless asf. i relate to you sm hopefully everything goes well for you though