Death is love
0phelia
- Feb 11, 2023
- 13
i didn't ask to be born. whatever i did in a past life to deserve being sucked into this shitty world in the early 2000s, i don't know what i did to deserve it.
i was considered a "gifted kid" when i was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old. it was 2006, they were still using "functioning" labels then, and i was diagnosed as high-functioning. so much potential was wasted when i developed issues a little over a decade later.
when i was a kid, my parents fought many times, which basically guaranteed that i was gonna develop issues later in life. i lost an online friend of mine to suicide in 2014. i cried about it for over a year, for those past 10 years i felt like i could've saved her. all of that just proves my point.
then i, the "gifted kid", started going off the rails in 8th grade, when i developed mental issues and as a result, started doing shittier in school. the summer after i finished 8th grade left me a traumatized, jaded wreck. it pretty had set up how i would spend high school: being an angry, jaded, crying wreck who tries to act all smug and shit so people won't worry about me. i had a meltdown over an episode of my favourite web show. how pathetic is that? i was a very jaded teenager. all of that proves my point.
a good friend of mine i had for 7 years, who was once very supportive and sweet to me, turned out to be a fucking monster. this only further proves my point.
i got fucking gr00med and sexually harassed, both irl and online. i feel like it's all my fault.
i was in a relationship with someone i loved. they turned out to be grooming someone behind my back, doing everything in their power to hide it from me. they loved the person she groomed and a gay man (who clearly didn't like them back) more than me. i wasted my money on gifts for that bitch. i gave my virginity to them. this only further proves my point on my life being a joke. that's always what my first time is gonna be.
i've had intrusive thoughts telling me that my life is a joke and that my death will be the punchline. i had a nightmare last night where i lost everything and everyone i cared about. i feel like they're right, and i feel like i should just fucking die after that so i can save myself the pain of that dream becoming a reality.
i was considered a "gifted kid" when i was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old. it was 2006, they were still using "functioning" labels then, and i was diagnosed as high-functioning. so much potential was wasted when i developed issues a little over a decade later.
when i was a kid, my parents fought many times, which basically guaranteed that i was gonna develop issues later in life. i lost an online friend of mine to suicide in 2014. i cried about it for over a year, for those past 10 years i felt like i could've saved her. all of that just proves my point.
then i, the "gifted kid", started going off the rails in 8th grade, when i developed mental issues and as a result, started doing shittier in school. the summer after i finished 8th grade left me a traumatized, jaded wreck. it pretty had set up how i would spend high school: being an angry, jaded, crying wreck who tries to act all smug and shit so people won't worry about me. i had a meltdown over an episode of my favourite web show. how pathetic is that? i was a very jaded teenager. all of that proves my point.
a good friend of mine i had for 7 years, who was once very supportive and sweet to me, turned out to be a fucking monster. this only further proves my point.
i got fucking gr00med and sexually harassed, both irl and online. i feel like it's all my fault.
i was in a relationship with someone i loved. they turned out to be grooming someone behind my back, doing everything in their power to hide it from me. they loved the person she groomed and a gay man (who clearly didn't like them back) more than me. i wasted my money on gifts for that bitch. i gave my virginity to them. this only further proves my point on my life being a joke. that's always what my first time is gonna be.
i've had intrusive thoughts telling me that my life is a joke and that my death will be the punchline. i had a nightmare last night where i lost everything and everyone i cared about. i feel like they're right, and i feel like i should just fucking die after that so i can save myself the pain of that dream becoming a reality.
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