My Introduction Post :)

[cme-dme]

Hello, this is my first post! I discovered this forum after accidentally going down a rabbit hole learning about the Usenet newsgroup alt.suicide.holiday. I've been depressed and have had suicidal thoughts since probably the age of 10. I am your typical socially isolated autistic computer nerd. I dropped out of college a year ago and have been living the same day over and over ever since. I have online friends that I am very close with that stops me from getting too lonely but online friends can only help so much. I live with my parents and work 3 days a week at a local business. If I worked anything more than that I'd become extremely burned out. I also suffer from intense bouts of gender dysphoria which occasionally decides to make my life living hell.

Life is okay for right now but I know that this 'lifestyle' is not sustainable. I wouldn't say I'm actively suicidal but I do have suicidal thoughts often and have recently been having a bad depressive episode. I wish I had it in me to kill myself because I don't want to see what my future becomes. Becoming even more of a failure and waste of money and resources as well as disappointing my friends and family is not something I want to live to see; Neither is working more than I can handle just to get by. It seems beneficial in the long run for everybody, my family in particular if I just ended everything now instead of later. This post has gone on for quite a while but I'm excited to spend time here! Everyone here deserves happiness.

 

[before20]

Welcome! I hope you find some use and solace in the site.

 

[human909]

Welcome to the site! I hope you find this site useful.

 

[cme-dme]

The site keeps going down...Good thing I wrote my post on my laptop before posting it here just in case it didn't send. I have joined in strange times it seems.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Hello and welcome to the community, from other posts it seems there were some issues with the site. It doesn't happen all the time

 

[Waiting for death]

Welcome friend !!!

 

[cme-dme]

Dang the activity on this forum is crazy. It's quite impressive.
Two newbie questions:
1. Why can't I view other users profiles?
2. Why do people say CTB? I've never heard that acronym anywhere before. Is there an origin or reasoning behind its use?

 

[femcelloser]

Dang the activity on this forum is crazy. It's quite impressive.
Two newbie questions:
1. Why can't I view other users profiles?
2. Why do people say CTB? I've never heard that acronym anywhere before. Is there an origin or reasoning behind its use?

For the first question. You gotta have more activity on your account to be able to see others profiles. Send dms. Use the search function. Stuff like that. Try replying to people ! Having good conversation will surely help you hit that post threshold. For the second question. I think it's just a more comforting way to say you're ending your life? Especially since some people may be sensitive to saying "I am going to commit suicide" or some shit like "i shall blow my brains out" like. It's just nicer to have a 3 letter acronym for all that stuff lol. Plus I think this place just lives off codewords

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

Dang the activity on this forum is crazy. It's quite impressive.
Two newbie questions:
1. Why can't I view other users profiles?
2. Why do people say CTB? I've never heard that acronym anywhere before. Is there an origin or reasoning behind its use?

CTB means 'catch the bus' or some use it for 'cease to breathe'. I believe the etymology behind 'catch the bus' is that it'd be used when literally catching the bus to some cliffs (I forget where specifically, I apologize) and jumping.

 

[cme-dme]

For the first question. You gotta have more activity on your account to be able to see others profiles. Send dms. Use the search function. Stuff like that. Try replying to people ! Having good conversation will surely help you hit that post threshold. For the second question. I think it's just a more comforting way to say you're ending your life? Especially since some people may be sensitive to saying "I am going to commit suicide" or some shit like "i shall blow my brains out" like. It's just nicer to have a 3 letter acronym for all that stuff lol. Plus I think this place just lives off codewords

Yeah there is all these code words and while I know this place isn't a cult, the code words don't exactly help with that image pfft. It's not necessarily a bad thing though!
I have no problem saying I want to kill myself or be more direct like that, I mostly asked because I wasn't sure if my directness would upset other members.

CTB means 'catch the bus' or some use it for 'cease to breathe'. I believe the etymology behind 'catch the bus' is that it'd be used when literally catching the bus to some cliffs (I forget where specifically, I apologize) and jumping.

In my head it means "Cick the bucket" ... It made more sense in my head lol
I think I just unlocked viewing profiles and search, that was pretty easy :)

 

[femcelloser]

Yeah there is all these code words and while I know this place isn't a cult, the code words don't exactly help with that image pfft. It's not necessarily a bad thing though!
I have no problem saying I want to kill myself or be more direct like that, I mostly asked because I wasn't sure if my directness would upset other members.

In my head it means "Cick the bucket" ... It made more sense in my head lol
I think I just unlocked viewing profiles and search, that was pretty easy :)

Oh i still say cock and balls torture to myself whenever I read it idk why

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

In my head it means "Cick the bucket" ... It made more sense in my head lol

Hahah I was the same way!! until I thought about it, and I realized… wait a minute… kick doesn't start with a 'c'. (*´Д｀*)

 

[inconstantprayer]

Hello, this is my first post! I discovered this forum after accidentally going down a rabbit hole learning about the Usenet newsgroup alt.suicide.holiday. I've been depressed and have had suicidal thoughts since probably the age of 10. I am your typical socially isolated autistic computer nerd. I dropped out of college a year ago and have been living the same day over and over ever since. I have online friends that I am very close with that stops me from getting too lonely but online friends can only help so much. I live with my parents and work 3 days a week at a local business. If I worked anything more than that I'd become extremely burned out. I also suffer from intense bouts of gender dysphoria which occasionally decides to make my life living hell.

Life is okay for right now but I know that this 'lifestyle' is not sustainable. I wouldn't say I'm actively suicidal but I do have suicidal thoughts often and have recently been having a bad depressive episode. I wish I had it in me to kill myself because I don't want to see what my future becomes. Becoming even more of a failure and waste of money and resources as well as disappointing my friends and family is not something I want to live to see; Neither is working more than I can handle just to get by. It seems beneficial in the long run for everybody, my family in particular if I just ended everything now instead of later. This post has gone on for quite a while but I'm excited to spend time here! Everyone here deserves happiness.

Welcome here.

May you find what you are looking for, and be a help to others on the same journey through this darkness.