Venting My fear of getting old and having a painful death

[WanderingTiger]

I wanted to take a moment to express my fear of facing a painful death in the future. I struggle to see natural deaths as peaceful; instead, I am haunted by the thought of suffering from illnesses like cancer or enduring the painful realities of old age, such as heart attacks. Life already feels quite meaningless and empty to me, and I find it distressing to consider how society tends to discard us in old age, deeming us no longer useful. The idea of enduring all this suffering without the option of euthanasia terrifies me, and it intensifies my feelings of despair, making me contemplate suicide even more.

In a world that often seems indifferent to our struggles, the thought of facing a prolonged and painful decline is overwhelming. I wish for a sense of peace and acceptance, but instead, I am left grappling with these dark thoughts and fears about the future. It feels as though I am trapped in a cycle of anxiety and hopelessness, longing for an escape from the pain that life can bring.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this

 

[Electra]

That's actually so valid tho. It seems scary to grow old. Your body starts to give out, all the systems shut down...

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I could have written your post exactly! I am 55 years old so old age is coming for me sooner rather than later. I am terrified and suffer from major depression which is fueled by these thoughts. I just want to die now and avoid getting any older and suffering. And you are right, once we become elderly or disabled we are useless to society and nobody cares. Are you in the US?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting peace from the suffering, it's so horrific to me how there's no limit as to how much a human can suffer in this existence just to die in agony. Old age to me just sounds like terrible dreadful suffering and it terrifies me how a human can suffer for so long, I see so much cruelty in how the option to be euthanised is denied, it'd bring me so much peace to be able to permanently escape from all future suffering in an existence where I'm just waiting to die anyway. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you search for.

 

[WanderingTiger]

I could have written your post exactly! I am 55 years old so old age is coming for me sooner rather than later. I am terrified and suffer from major depression which is fueled by these thoughts. I just want to die now and avoid getting any older and suffering. And you are right, once we become elderly or disabled we are useless to society and nobody cares. Are you in the US?

I prefer not to disclose my country for privacy reasons, but I am not. It is truly very sad how society treats terminally ill individuals and those who are no longer deemed useful, almost as if they are no longer human. I deeply understand these feelings, and even though I have not yet reached that age, I wish you all the best.

 

[Fall_Apart]

I feel the same way. I am terrified of dying a natural death, especially when I see doctors who insist on medical treatments just to prolong the lives of elderly people, without realizing that they are prolonging excruciating suffering needlessly.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Spectacular post and a sentiment that I can only imagine that most of us here share. If we didn't fear pain and suffering, we'd all probably be dead by now.

This is a big reason as to why I don't understand why procreating is such a natural and common thing. Knowing that all children born will eventually have to face this very problem that you speak of. Why do we subject innocent lives to such a horrible inevitable experience?

 

[WanderingTiger]

I feel the same way. I am terrified of dying a natural death, especially when I see doctors who insist on medical treatments just to prolong the lives of elderly people, without realizing that they are prolonging excruciating suffering needlessly.

It's the same as what I think when I see terminal patients having their lives prolonged without any form of treatment, merely to maintain a non-existent quality of life, without the option to find their peace and escape further suffering.

 

[Kbeau]

I'm 55 (yeah, it's been a long tough life). Sometimes when I think I'm crazy for catching the bus, I remind myself that we're ALL going to die at some point.

Some will die peacefully in their sleep, but most won't. There will be decline, pain, suffering, disease, disability, loss of freedom and feelings of uselessness and hopelessness. Ideally I'm leaving a bit early, on my own terms, without pain, affairs wrapped up.

 

[Tobacco]

I also would like to avoid things like appearing in a LiveLeak video or something like that.

I told a psychologist about this because I had to go through some testing and for her it was very surprising because they value more the potential good in a life compared to the potential suffering.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I definitely feel the same. Honestly, not just very old age, illness and death frightens me. I'm also simply worried that as I age, it will be harder to do my job or, any job. Plus, I simply don't have the money saved to live a comfortable retirement.

I'm trying to get back into exercise to help myself and my diet needs a thorough look at. In a lot of ways though, I really resent it. I'm doing all this in order that I maintain myself as some sort of machine that is still capable of working to sustain a life I don't even want! It's utterly ridiculous when considered logically.

I agree though. I doubt natural deaths are all peaceful or even swift. But then, that is one of my motivating factors to CTB- to save myself from that.

 

[WanderingTiger]

I definitely feel the same. Honestly, not just very old age, illness and death frightens me. I'm also simply worried that as I age, it will be harder to do my job or, any job. Plus, I simply don't have the money saved to live a comfortable retirement.

I'm trying to get back into exercise to help myself and my diet needs a thorough look at. In a lot of ways though, I really resent it. I'm doing all this in order that I maintain myself as some sort of machine that is still capable of working to sustain a life I don't even want! It's utterly ridiculous when considered logically.

I agree though. I doubt natural deaths are all peaceful or even swift. But then, that is one of my motivating factors to CTB- to save myself from that.

I also fear all of this; honestly, I don't even know if I'll be able to live until old age due to some problems I have. My greatest fear is the pain and all the negative aspects that come with aging, rather than aging itself. I can't see myself being happy just living a traditional life and working my entire life to maintain a life that feels meaningless, where I feel empty, just to have money and survive. I see no need for that and I don't care about material things. In fact, I can only feel happy when I think about working in the healthcare field, where I would at least be helping people and caring for those who are more excluded from society, like psychiatric patients or terminally ill individuals. I would do all of this even for free, not for the money.
but when I look at this world, I always feel more inclined to end my suffering.

 

[Kbeau]

I could have written your post exactly! I am 55 years old so old age is coming for me sooner rather than later. I am terrified and suffer from major depression which is fueled by these thoughts. I just want to die now and avoid getting any older and suffering. And you are right, once we become elderly or disabled we are useless to society and nobody cares. Are you in the US?

I'm 55. Body is giving out. CTB is necessary for me and, what, at worst I'm leaving maybe 10, 15, 20 (painful) years early?

 

[greebo6]

Better to go before you get to that point.

 

[davidtorez]

I'm 43 right now and feel my body is much much older with my joint problems. Completely understand everyone's fear of getting older and all the great things that come with old age . My N is waiting for me in my fridge and has been since 2018, but my cowardice prevents me from taking action...

 

[Raven2]

I've been thinking along the same lines recently. I dont want to grow old with lots of health problems. The worse would be dementia for me. The women in my family live quite long aswell.
I think I'd rather bow out early if I'm honest. As a woman I dont even want to get to the menopause stage either, night sweats, insomnia, increased depression and anxiety..... no thanks I'd rather not go through that.
I see family members declining and it's sad to see them becoming less mobile.
I dont want to become frail and vulnerable.