Venting My (almost lethal) suicide attempt

[Ayeitsalaska]

I've tried to kill myself by killing my liver. It almost worked. I lost consciousness. I overdosed on tyelonol. It wasn't painful for me.
My liver is fine now. It's been over a year since I tried anything.
I'm 19 years old. 2020 was supposed to be the best year of my life however I don't think I can create a happy life for myself anymore.
I keep trying. Keep failing.
I've been suicidal since I was 5, first attempt at 6, second attempt at 7.
I have figured out a strong method, I am almost positive it would kill me.
i still feel hesitant for some reason, i don't understand why i feel hesitant.
i deleted facebook and snap chat off my phone. blocking out my best friend and any of my other "friends" (I don't think I have any). he was supposed to meet me tonight but he let me down.
i can't solve my problems, life is an endless experience of misery, pain, loss, grief, lowliness.
I asked my mom today what she thought would happen if I killed myself she said she thought angels will surround me and I wouldn't go to hell or be punished.
i'm just hestiant to do this.
I would sign myself into the hospital....but I've gone to the mental hospital about 20 times and it really is a holding cell...not helpful whatsoever
I want to kill myself so bad. I am just scared. scared of failure.

 

[Farmmaa]

You're still so young.
I wish you would try to find the help you need to be happy before you turn to this

 

[Ayeitsalaska]

can't find anything...
mushrooms really helps more than anything actually but im not allowed to use them.....

 

[Zoltiel]

It sounds like you've lived a very difficult life and I have compassion for you. Yes I am scared of failure too, so choose your method wisely.