Venting my 6 year relationship ended today.

[maybe_rabies]

We were together since we were 19 and were each others' first "real" relationship. Now we are 25 and our lives are going in different directions. I knew for a while that this would happen because things had been bad for a long time. But we went through so much together and I used to think he was the one good and stable thing in my life.

He doesn't know how suicidal I am. I was hiding my feelings from him for a long time. My dad has cancer and lives across the country from me, and his chemo isn't going well. I'm trying to be strong because I don't want to hurt my family. People regularly tell me how strong and resilient I am because despite all this, I still get up and work so fucking hard every day.

I'm tired of working hard, and I'm tired of being emotionally strong. I don't think I can ever love another person. Nothing matters to me anymore.

 

[Uncounted1846]

Thanks for opening up. I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship ending on top of your dad's chemo not taking. It all sounds like it's piling up on you. Life is a cruel fiend, isn't it?

 

[BullsDon'tFly]

Breakups are so tough, combining one with your family situation... I don't really know how I would endure them both.
I'm sending you a virtual hug for being able to mantain the facade of a normal lifestyle while inside you're crumbling. I really hope everything works in the better way for you, whatever it'll be.

I think you'll eventually be able to love someone else if you feel ready to accept a new person, if you think that love as a feeling is more important than the man you're loving right now. But I also understand the inability to let go. Currently during my third big breakup and it seems this time I have no trust left for me as a lover, for others as partners. I thought that having had the previous two would have got me "stronger" and used to the next... how silly I was.

 

[hopelessghost]

I'm sorry for everything you're going through. You'll find love again, and it will be beautiful
Just keep your standards high ok? Don't let depression take your standards down