Help motivation, sex drive and performance anxiety

[glasshammer]

making this thread for any struggling with maintaining sex drive on meds, or with their condition.

it is hard !!!! knowing someone is super beautiful and being intimate and close but lacking all of the brain chemicals i need to be comfortable enough to finish in front of another human being. i don't want this to leak into self doubt for other people. does anybody have any advice when it comes to this?

cheers,
-g

 

[DivineSpark]

My libido and sex drive is dead, thanks to medication.

 

[itsoverforme303]

Forget sex drive, I don't even have the drive to live day to day anymore.

 

[DivineSpark]

Forget sex drive, I don't even have the drive to live day to day anymore.

Yes, sex drive is least of our problems.

 

[identity0]

it could often be best to talk about it directly that youre worried about it. Otherwise they might think youre just not attracted to them or something. I suppose it's obvious but it can be difficult to do it or possible to not even realise it is happening

 

[wantingdignity]

What meds are you on? I'm curious about what meds do what.

I took Wellbutrin and Zoloft before and was told it could cause it. I'm on Lexapro now and still definitely have a sex drive. I'm on a fairly low dose since my body feels sick with any high amounts of medicine

I do have very vivid dreams though. I was already having some nightmares from ptsd، but the meds are making them much more vivid, even if they're just regular dreams

 

[ashesashes]

wow i didn't know this was a brain chemical thing. i'm not on meds but i've struggled with this my whole life.

 

[The Actual Devil]

wow i didn't know this was a brain chemical thing.

SSRIs, among others, can cause ED and decrease sexual pleasure, including the intensity of orgasms, iirc. What's especially frustrating is that even if you do get it up, you can lose the erection before you're done, making it impossible to finish.

for any struggling with maintaining sex drive on meds, or with their condition...does anybody have any advice when it comes to this?

I'm not sure what your gender is, and I can't see your profile to check there. And I can't speak on "being comfortable enough to finish" without thinking of it in terms of erectile dysfunction.
What I can speak on is the part of your question I quoted above, albeit written from a man's perspective. It may even somehow be useful to people of any gender. I hope it at least helps somebody.

I mean no bullshit when I say this: exercise helped me. I've heard that any kind can help, but when I was on a lot of meds, weightlifting especially helped me. At least get your heart rate up high and sweat a lot.
Just a word of warning for those not in the know: after a heavy workout, a lot of men report not being able to perform until after a decent rest and preferably a meal. It's sometimes called 'gym dick' (sort of like 'whiskey dick'), but that term can also refer to workout induced temporary shrinkage (akin to being in the cold, aka it goes back to normal soon, don't worry). I'd give it an hour. And unless she's got a stink fetish, she'll be grateful you took the time to shower, anyway.
Certain supplements allegedly help with erections while others hinder, but that's a rabbit hole for another day. I will say, for me, a creatine and weightlifting combo worked wonders.
Ensure you're eating well by getting all your daily nutrition, and treat yourself to extra protein.
Avoid things that can otherwise exacerbate ED, such as not getting enough sleep and being overstressed (easier said than done, I know). Also, drugs like nicotine, alcohol, and opioids are all bad for your ability to get and maintain erections, especially when on meds for your mental health. Ask your doctor about caffeine (and weed, CBD, THC, hallucinogens, etc., if you're into them).
Also, when trying to maximize sexual performance for a partner--I know this sounds like common sense--but stop masturbating. At least abstain from masturbating on and before the days you want to be able to perform. We're all getting older each day, and refractory periods increase naturally over time/with age.
And for the love of everything: avoid those HORSESHIT anti-science claims that make you obsess over your testosterone levels. Listen to your doctor about that stuff. If you want to push it, you can ask for bloodwork to be part of your regular checkups (if it isn't already) and share your concerns with your doc. And remember: getting a second opinion means going to a different doctor, not listening to grifters or strangers on the Internet. Except for me, I'm cool. Seriously, though, you've got this, people.

 

[raindrops]

making this thread for any struggling with maintaining sex drive on meds, or with their condition.

it is hard !!!! knowing someone is super beautiful and being intimate and close but lacking all of the brain chemicals i need to be comfortable enough to finish in front of another human being. i don't want this to leak into self doubt for other people. does anybody have any advice when it comes to this?

cheers,
-g

I've never truly had one. Tried everything to get one. Look into celibacy. Stay celibate.

 

[RoseGirl]

Sex is fun but isn't really something to obsess over. Most of the time nowerdays i don't end up finishing and I'm oki w that. Uhm if it is effecting u uhm generally after abt a month of stopping anti depressants ur sex drive will return. Uhm aside from that working out being and being at a healthy bmi should also help.
Uhm mainly avoid unhealthy food and work out and ur body will eventually meet a weight that it's comfortable at. This differs for everyone uhm some ppl r naturally more chubby then others and it's not something to obsess over.

 

[glasshammer]

thank you for all of these informative responses. got some work to get through but will be sure to get back to all of you asap