mood swings in tandem with suicidal ideation

[finish.me]

been having extremely hard feelings and seriously considering killing myself like really genuinely weighing my options but when it first came to the forefront of my mind a week or two ago ive been having these intense, scary mood swings. Crying everyday, losing my shit laughing at something completely unrelated thats not even objectively funny, anger that makes me want to get fucking revenge, paranoia, guilt. Heres an actual example that fucking happened yesterday: I was hanging out with my friend in the student lounge, got really really horribly upset and sad because a queens of the stone age song came on and left, slashed myself up in the bathroom, cleaned up and came back and when i sat down a demi lovato song came on in the middle of this playlist someone was playing on the other side of the room and it made me laugh until i actually started hyperventilating, when we left my friend walked a little faster than me and kind of left me to pack my things and catch up and for some reason it felt like they were being inconsiderate by not staying with/next to me and it PISSED me the fuck off, like they were doing it intentionally and i was just walking stewing in anger the way back to our room. when we got back i ended up jsut playing tetris on the laptop feeling completely fucking numb. i cried a couple more times yesterday before falling asleep. I want to die so badly but i still feel bound to certain stupid bullshit

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I cannot imagine how hard it must be, what you are going through. I wish you relief.

 

[theboy]

I hope you are well these days. The cuts in the skin are pains that our soul feels