Giraffey
Your Orange Crush
- Mar 7, 2020
- 439
I consider my last ex-partner to be as close to the embodiment of a soul-mate as one could dream, and even though we are no longer together due to tragic circumstances discussed elsewhere, I still feel that sentiment deeply. We haven't spoken for months, but she messaged me this evening from a hospital bed needing reassurance. She has severe emetophobia (fear of vomiting) and was afraid of the side-effects from the anaesthetic; I seem to be something of an 'authority' on nausea and vomiting, and so logically she reached out for reassurance and advice.
She apologised to me for the unfairness of simply popping back up into my life and asking for practical and emotional reassurance but I told her that was nonsense; I promised her when we first met that no matter what happened between us, I would always be there for her. When we last spoke I was treating her in my gut clinic for chronic nausea; up until I suffered a breakdown in my ability to cope with the redefinition of our relationship as a distant friendship. Still, she made some amazing progress under my guidance and I felt a surge of pride and relief when she told me that she hadn't relapsed back into illness.
Simultaneously, my heart is breaking. She is suffering and I cannot be there for her in the way that she needs. I feel as though my breakdown forced me to honestly confront the reality that we could never be together again; even in the circumstances, her presence in my life has a beneficial effect on my mental health and vice versa; still, I struggle to decipher the complex web of emotions that our renewed contact this evening has unearthed.
I'm also physically exhausted this evening, I spent the entire day sleeping and I still don't think my mind is back in the groove.
I'm sorry that this post doesn't really go anywhere; I think that I just needed to express and articulate those thoughts. If only my emotions weren't so interminably intricate
She apologised to me for the unfairness of simply popping back up into my life and asking for practical and emotional reassurance but I told her that was nonsense; I promised her when we first met that no matter what happened between us, I would always be there for her. When we last spoke I was treating her in my gut clinic for chronic nausea; up until I suffered a breakdown in my ability to cope with the redefinition of our relationship as a distant friendship. Still, she made some amazing progress under my guidance and I felt a surge of pride and relief when she told me that she hadn't relapsed back into illness.
Simultaneously, my heart is breaking. She is suffering and I cannot be there for her in the way that she needs. I feel as though my breakdown forced me to honestly confront the reality that we could never be together again; even in the circumstances, her presence in my life has a beneficial effect on my mental health and vice versa; still, I struggle to decipher the complex web of emotions that our renewed contact this evening has unearthed.
I'm also physically exhausted this evening, I spent the entire day sleeping and I still don't think my mind is back in the groove.
I'm sorry that this post doesn't really go anywhere; I think that I just needed to express and articulate those thoughts. If only my emotions weren't so interminably intricate
