Masking and dissatisfaction

[vig919]

I feel completely fake AF. The masking and dissociation is basically everyday.

How..do you keep yourself engaged enough and maintain a proper expectation? I usually just bombard whomever I am talking with questions that keep them talking about themselves. What are y'all doing to maintain a socially acceptable "face"?

 

[ManOfTheYear]

I masked away any personality for the sake of others in my younger years though thats how I even originally gained a personality as before I didnt have any identity, then one day I realized why am I doing this for people who don't even stick around. I started living my life the way I wanted, started to ignore then eventually geniuely stopped caring how others react when I shine. No more stopping my laughing or cute voices or hyper activity, stopped sitting in silence, stopped conforming to this weird social animal like hyarchy just cause others reactions. I want to have fun now, with or without others consent. Now I recently lost the person I was and am relearning who I was/am again. I understand how you feel. So I started off regaining my sense of self by forcing myself to do things I have interest in now/before. Started gardening, and making crafts for the spoopy season. :3 Slowly I'm regaining. So why aren't you? Why are you letting others hold your personality hostage for the sake of their wolve pack like behavior? You are exhausting yourself and that will not stop, the only thing that will stop this cycle is to stop playing the cycle. Change YOUR outcome, live YOUR life.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I avoid people where I can. I'm only friends with other pessimistic people. I'm really grateful for this forum, where I'm able to be honest.

Phone calls and worse- seeing family on occassion can be difficult. Fortunately- the same as you- they can be distracted by questions. They'll also talk about their own lives in great detail. Sometimes we'll end up on small talk. I vary really, when it comes to masking. When I'm stressed, I find it much harder to mask.

I'm lucky though really. I live and work alone so- a lot of the time, I'm spared the effort.

 

[vig919]

I masked away any personality for the sake of others in my younger years though thats how I even originally gained a personality as before I didnt have any identity, then one day I realized why am I doing this for people who don't even stick around. I started living my life the way I wanted, started to ignore then eventually geniuely stopped caring how others react when I shine. No more stopping my laughing or cute voices or hyper activity, stopped sitting in silence, stopped conforming to this weird social animal like hyarchy just cause others reactions. I want to have fun now, with or without others consent. Now I recently lost the person I was and am relearning who I was/am again. I understand how you feel. So I started off regaining my sense of self by forcing myself to do things I have interest in now/before. Started gardening, and making crafts for the spoopy season. :3 Slowly I'm regaining. So why aren't you? Why are you letting others hold your personality hostage for the sake of their wolve pack like behavior? You are exhausting yourself and that will not stop, the only thing that will stop this cycle is to stop playing the cycle. Change YOUR outcome, live YOUR life.

I will agree with most of what you're saying if I think about it. I'm definitely exhausting myself. Maybe even to the point of no return. My voice doesn't sound the same...when I hear myself talk..and when I look in the mirror I'm not sure who that is.

I just know I can't tell people how depressed I am without trauma dumping.

If that makes sense

I avoid people where I can. I'm only friends with other pessimistic people. I'm really grateful for this forum, where I'm able to be honest.

Phone calls and worse- seeing family on occassion can be difficult. Fortunately- the same as you- they can be distracted by questions. They'll also talk about their own lives in great detail. Sometimes we'll end up on small talk. I vary really, when it comes to masking. When I'm stressed, I find it much harder to mask.

I'm lucky though really. I live and work alone so- a lot of the time, I'm spared the effort.

Good point...I think I'm masking..or at least trying to act "normal".

Probably failing.

 

[ManOfTheYear]

I will agree with most of what you're saying if I think about it. I'm definitely exhausting myself. Maybe even to the point of no return. My voice doesn't sound the same...when I hear myself talk..and when I look in the mirror I'm not sure who that is.

I just know I can't tell people how depressed I am without trauma dumping.

If that makes sense

Good point...I think I'm masking..or at least trying to act "normal".

Probably failing.

And its a fucked reality that the pain you have gone through; just a fraction of that pain; whats being told having an effect and imprinting on others leaving often no help. You shouldn't be shamed from speaking out. If you need some to talk to, I do not find that as trauma dumping. :3

 

[twitter]

I feel completely fake AF. The masking and dissociation is basically everyday.

How..do you keep yourself engaged enough and maintain a proper expectation? I usually just bombard whomever I am talking with questions that keep them talking about themselves. What are y'all doing to maintain a socially acceptable "face"?

I avoid people where I can. I'm only friends with other pessimistic people. I'm really grateful for this forum, where I'm able to be honest.

Phone calls and worse- seeing family on occassion can be difficult. Fortunately- the same as you- they can be distracted by questions. They'll also talk about their own lives in great detail. Sometimes we'll end up on small talk. I vary really, when it comes to masking. When I'm stressed, I find it much harder to mask.

I'm lucky though really. I live and work alone so- a lot of the time, I'm spared the effort.

i feel you both greatly, especially @Forever Sleep. I hate most kinds of interactions with people, i never anwser phone calls and would rather a quick exchange of texts.

I can't imagine going on without any kinds of anonymous forums - and i've been on a lot. It's the only places in my entire life where i haven't been faking everything.