Discussion Manager commented on my sh scars

[Blueberry Panic]

I just recently started a new job and my manager commented on my sh scars ... she basically said she didn't want to see any new ones or whatever.... which actually really pissed me off for some reason.
I just wanted to know other users thoughts on this...

 

[glowing.purple.aura]

I'm so sorry, that's absolutely awful. People's lack of empathy is so fucking scary and causes me to be paranoid about being judged non-stop. The way there wasn't any concern whatsoever for your well-being, and made your SH out to be some inconvenience... I don't know if I would've been able to resist myself from saying something crazy like "I'm going to carve your name on me next" if I was in that situation (but that's just me!!!).

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

She should not have left such a comment unless you cut yourself during the working time or your job requires good hygiene. I'm sorry you were treated like this. Your anger is right.

 

[blackIronPrison]

I have a couple really gnarly sh scars that will never go away at this point, its already painful enough to wake up everyday and see one my least favorite aspects of myself literally grafted on my body i think if a functional stranger even acknowledged them i would reflexively be permanently outwardly hostile towards them

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I have a couple really gnarly sh scars that will never go away at this point, its already painful enough to wake up everyday and see one my least favorite aspects of myself literally grafted on my body i think if a functional stranger even acknowledged them i would reflexively be permanently outwardly hostile towards them

I'm actually ok with my scars , I find them to be beautiful in a way . But I'm mentally ill and that's not exactly something people usually agree with.

 

[CumbriaCTB]

Does it piss you off because it's essentially people telling you what you should(n't) do with your body when they have no business saying so? That's how it is for me, at least.

Respect my bodily autonomy!

 

[faith.collapsing]

It is your body and you can do anything to it as you please. Your new manager may have just been trying to say this in hopes to prevent you from committing more SH, it's all in the tone of their voice. Well, I assume that they don't know about your situation so I understand why it felt like a direct attack on you to comment on your coping mechanisms.

I'm actually ok with my scars , I find them to be beautiful in a way . But I'm mentally ill and that's not exactly something people usually agree with.

Yes! I can relate to this. I find my scars beautiful, in some sense. I like how they look and it may sound absurd to some but they stand as a reminder of my struggles, a beautiful feeling that I cannot yet explain and cannot experience doing anything else lingers as I look upon them. It just feels right.

 

[Lions303]

Thats awful on the manager to say and you're right to be pissed off about it. Im really sorry it happened, its inappropriate & she has no right to make any comment. Id say take it to HR but they will be on the companies side and not yours. I know its easier said then done but all id say is to not react and kill any comments with kindness

 

[TBONTB]

I think it's rude. But I think businesses aren't designed for empathy and support and the boss may be worried about some aspect of performance if you struggle with mental health.

My feeling is to make work about bringing home a pay check so you can pursue your recovery, or hobbies. Or whatever it is you'd like to pursue.

 

[Iamatiredlad]

It's inappropriate. I don't make a means to hide my scars, but to bring it up in a public space like a work environment is just plain wrong

 

[SparkleWater]

if shes fat tell her "well I dont wanna see you getting any fatter" and see how she reacts

 

[TBONTB]

if shes fat tell her "well I dont wanna see you getting any fatter" and see how she reacts

Ouch. Us fat people have feelings too.

 

[qwert3948]

i wish people could just completely ignore and pretend they're not there. i'm not talking about my sh scars with a stranger, man. don't even bother. (and even if they weren't a stranger, i still wouldn't)
i get sometimes it comes from a 'good place', but personally i just wish people understood it has nothing to do w them and they have no right to comment on it.

 

[theboy]

Depends
He told you this to avoid having problems or his store having problems.

But if I had visible cuts, I would want someone to ask
Are you okay? :/

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Depends
He told you this to avoid having problems or his store having problems.

But if I had visible cuts, I would want someone to ask
Are you okay? :/

Doesn't matter , it's not against any rule they have in place . She was just being nosy imo ...

 

[tooBadTooLate]

So, she didn't give any words for relief, or even a "sorry about that", but rather that she didn't want to see any new scars? I suppose managers tend to be lacking in empathy these days. Fuck her.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I feel if a stranger or someone you barely know has obvious self-harm marks or scars then the best etiquette is just to say nothing.

 

[westerly_merlin]

I had similar from a friend, she has loads of old (and some no so old) SH scars.

One day she spotted a group of 3 parallel scars on my arm and called me out about them. I shrugged them off as an accident but she just told me not to lie to her and then had a go at me for SH.

The more I think about that incident the more it feels like she was pissed that I had SH when that was her thing. Over the next few weeks she would make a point of asking (not in a nice way) if I "had more scars?".

I would have hoped that she of all people would have understood that SH is a personal thing and have had some empathy with me.

Needles to say we are not friends anymore.