All my life i have been really uncomfortable around people. I feel like i don't connect with anyone.
I can't even think properly when i talk to people i don't know, and It takes me ages to get comfortable around someone. I've always had friends, but usually they have been kinda shallow friendships.
I've never opened up to anyone except this one girl i met at school. We we're best friends for 3-4 years and my feelings for her grew so strong, i'd literally die for her if it came to it. I couldn't think about anything but her 24/7, and just being with her made me the happiest guy on earth.
Anyhow, she didn't have the same feelings for me and we drifted apart.
We lost contact 6 years ago and it still haunts me. I still can't stop thinking about her. I know there's other fish in the sea, but my mind won't let me see it that way. Being in love has been a catastrophe to my life for years, and it keeps on lingering. And i feel so pathetic for it, i mean this should be a teenager issue. It's so unreasonable, but i cannot convince my emotions.
I realize i am a highly sensitive person, when i were young i would cry for anything, which was really emberassing for a boy. Now that i am an adult, i am still the same, i have just gotten very good at hiding it and bottling it all up.
I have come to realize this world is not for me. I have to be around people i feel uncomfortable with for 8h a day just to live a life as a lonely, anxiety-ridden, emotional wreck. I have decided i'm going to end it soon. I have thought long and hard about this, i really wanted to see the james webb telescope launch before i die, but fuck it. I'll ctb in 2-3 weeks, maybe sooner.
I can't even think properly when i talk to people i don't know, and It takes me ages to get comfortable around someone. I've always had friends, but usually they have been kinda shallow friendships.
I've never opened up to anyone except this one girl i met at school. We we're best friends for 3-4 years and my feelings for her grew so strong, i'd literally die for her if it came to it. I couldn't think about anything but her 24/7, and just being with her made me the happiest guy on earth.
Anyhow, she didn't have the same feelings for me and we drifted apart.
We lost contact 6 years ago and it still haunts me. I still can't stop thinking about her. I know there's other fish in the sea, but my mind won't let me see it that way. Being in love has been a catastrophe to my life for years, and it keeps on lingering. And i feel so pathetic for it, i mean this should be a teenager issue. It's so unreasonable, but i cannot convince my emotions.
I realize i am a highly sensitive person, when i were young i would cry for anything, which was really emberassing for a boy. Now that i am an adult, i am still the same, i have just gotten very good at hiding it and bottling it all up.
I have come to realize this world is not for me. I have to be around people i feel uncomfortable with for 8h a day just to live a life as a lonely, anxiety-ridden, emotional wreck. I have decided i'm going to end it soon. I have thought long and hard about this, i really wanted to see the james webb telescope launch before i die, but fuck it. I'll ctb in 2-3 weeks, maybe sooner.
