Looking for tips for my self improvement book club. First meet is soon!

[Jack_Nimble]

I'm not hardly nervous, but a tad bit maybe. If I have anything to be nervous about it would be others looking to me to lead, which I DO NOT WANT TO DO! Yet I started this group, I must be something of a lead at least at first until others step up to share that with me. IF that ever happens. I'd like to consider myself more a facilitator than a leader in this situation.

Why am I doing this if I super don't want to lead? Honestly I feel like I don't have much of a choice here. Even though I know it is clearly, obviously a choice. I miss the community of religion where most people there loved each other and wanted to be better. But after years of in depth study I am convinced religion is not only false but is damaging to mental well-being. I've searched and searched for so many years for meaningful community. Depression support groups in person are quite difficult to come by! Hence my feeling of not having a choice here. I can't keep living so lonely like. I'm sure my depressive cycles will continue if I can't find meaningful community. I can't relate to my family and have little interactions with my parents who are the only two I even speak to.

I know I can't be the only one. Surely there's many others out there with similar feelings yes??

I used meetup.com to start up the group. In 2 days on Sunday is our first meet. It's a self-improvement/educational book club. No fiction or politics or religion is allowed.

I guess....I'm hoping that those who show up are very suggestive of the topics or specific books they'd like to first read into. I don't want it to be me picking the first topic or couple of books. Which is the main reason I'm making this thread. Looking for suggestions on what to select first if I have to do that.

Haven't had a first meet yet and already five members including myself. So I am hopeful this can become a community. I intend to implement social meets as well. If things go well I may make flyers and drop them at therapist offices. If you live in the Michiana area and this interests you, please do let me know or just find us on meetup.com. The spoiler thing below is the description I used to attract members.

I am open to any and all suggestions about how you would like such a group to operate if you were to attend.

Thanks for reading this.

Spoiler: Group description

Seeking founding members!
Are you tired of therapists just telling you to develop healthy habits instead of getting to the root of your actual issues and improving your perspective? Tired of knowing few or no other people who actively wish to self reflect and put themselves in the shoes of others for the benifit of us all? I know I sure am! Hello there. My name is Jared.

I seek to build a group (community even?) of people who wish to do better, feel better. People who intend to not just read the entire book but also apply it to their lives. I feel it could even be benificial for us to even have group social outings, events outside of the meets for book discussion.

A few examples of books I've appreciated are How to Win Friends and Influence People,Dopamine Nation, Good Energy, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (currently reading myself), No Mr Nice Guy, Eat This and Live, The Depression Cure.

Not all self-help books are good. So I'd like to emphasize that when the group chooses books we ought to consider reviews of the book from regular folk and professionals alike. I feel that not every book we read needs to be about mental health or relations with others. Could be topics such as healthy eating or practical skills (like crochet or vehicle maintence lol) if the group did so choose. Perhaps founding members could nominate books for the group to vote on for the next read. Or perhaps any member with a certain amount of time in membership could nominate a book.

I'm open to ideas of how the group could be run. I do NOT wish to run it by myself or make all the decisions myself. However I do have my non-negotiables. I will have no part in a book club promoting politics or religion. To be clear that means no books focused solely on either of those topics. I'm kinda thinking we could do monthly meets where we discuss the book we've read that month. I feel that resturaunts or parks would be good meeting places. Rooms can also be reserved at libraries. I'm very open to suggestion.

Please shoot me a message if you have any interest in what I've described. Please also let me know if you would like to be part of group organization as a founding member or if you would rather just attend. Thank you!

 

[ebg]

I want to applaud you for the great initiative and challenging your discomfort with leading a group ^_^ You have what is most important in life - initiative. One suggestion I have is that the focus may be a bit broad. I have learned that having a good structure is very conducive to the success of any initiative. But that will become developed as time goes on. For clubs at my university, they all need a constitution that outlines the mission of the club, executive positions and their responsibilities, how to handle club elections, etc. There's a meditation place in my town that does has weekly meditation sessions and weekly book club meetings the day after. Maybe you could implement a short meditation session before each meeting? To help with funding, you could offer the sessions for free but accept donations (to help with renting a meeting space, initiatives within the club, etc.) I was thinking too that there could be a talking session, where everyone brings up whatever is on their mind. Please update us on how it goes! Good luck

 

[Hvergelmir]

I am open to any and all suggestions about how you would like such a group to operate if you were to attend.

I suggest that you keep posting updates here. I think quite a few people could be interested in your book recommendations and the insights you get.
Likewise I think you might get valuable feedback and ideas from people, here.

If I were to recommend a book that I think would be universally applicable, it would be 'the Art of Learning' by Josh Waitzkin.
I'm a bit afraid of recommending self help resources, because it's so much about timing and personal preference. I don't want to help pushing pseudo scientific nonsense, but neither to I believe in dry science for self reflection and change.
I think the book is a pretty safe bet, though. It's not about self help, but an interesting story which happened to help me deal with burnout and related depression 10-15 years ago.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Bad news. The one person who did show up has since removed herself from group on meetup. Even though it was just me and one other person who showed up I really felt it went well, and I still think it did. It started with her asking why I was doing this. I had said I wanted a community of people who wanted to do better without religion being the main focus. She agreed. We talked about our failed attempts to locally find community in the past.

I mentioned I deal with depression. She mentioned CPTSD and suggested I may deal with that as well. Which was a real downer to read about honestly. It did seem quite fitting for myself but also it kinda seemed like just a more complex explanation of my cause of depression.

She and I talked for an hour and fifteen minutes. We did talk about some books including The Art of Learning. She said let's keep in touch on meetup. I said yeah we can pick a book or two within the next couple of days. Then I checked meetup this morning and she has removed herself from group.

There are three other members in the group online. One other RSVPed but didn't make it. Another comment e saying she couldn't make it that day but wanted to know what book was selected so she could keep up. I'm considering messaging her letting her know that no book was selected and the one who showed up has left group. Then asking her if there is a topic she would like to read into. I'm really not sure if that's a good idea though.

I'm crying a little bit now. Not just cause of this. But I've been mentally going downhill the past few weeks. Been prob more than a year since I've declined idk really. I figure I'll prob get over this within a few hours. I'm waiting to hear back today from a job I've accepted about what day I will start. I also have a job interview with another company this afternoon.

There is someone in a dating app I'm supposed to meet this Saturday. I really feel the need to message her and let her know I'm in no shape for dating. I feel that would be more honest. It's that or ghost her. I feel meeting her would be dishonest and misleading.

I'm just so sick of living. So sick of it.

I'm incredibly desperate for reliable non religious non political community. I'm considering checking out my local Universal Unitarianism church. I don't think they're really either of those things but idk. Can't hurt to check em out once I suppose.

Maybe now is a prime time for me to read The Art of Learning. Also considering Transcendental Meditation.

I just think there is no fixing or even helping my broken brain. Maybe I'm wrong but I think that requires other people in my life. Which is hard to find especially considering my fear of abandonment leading to avoidance.

Thank you for reading. I hope I don't sound selfish.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I'm considering messaging her letting her know that no book was selected and the one who showed up has left group. Then asking her if there is a topic she would like to read into.

Sounds transparent and honest.

With a niche group like this, I'm not surprised that it went the way it did.
The one who did show up might very well, simply have lost faith in the "group", with just you two showing up. There could also be any number of personal reasons. Ghosting is sadly the way most people prefer to leave things nowadays.

You have to decide for yourself if the focus of the group is too niche to work with or not.
I have some experience with starting very niche online gaming groups. Attendance is generally very low, and it often takes some time for an established core group to form.
Also consider joining an established group, that you find interesting. It could be anything, not even related to your core interests.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Welp...still nothing for forming my group. Perhaps I should set another date for a group meet. That seems to attract folks. People do often search on MeetUp for upcoming events.

Had a new member join on meetup. He made a comment about a book he was reading and asked if anyone else was attending a particular online event. I liked his comment. And I asked what the event was. His response was to simply leave group.

Makes no darned sense to me. Ugh arg. Whatevs. I was very sad about it temporarily. It just says so much about how most of society seems to be strongly against the idea of learning to become a better person towards others.

I really liked that he was a man cause I figure a group like this will probably attract more women than men and I'm sure the women will want to see some men there. So it drove me to further look into Intentional Community websites. Found one that allows ya to fill out a lengthy detailed profile for free. But of course I expect nothing to come from that.

It costs thirty bucks a month to be a group organizer on MeetUp. For now I'll just keep it up and keep trying.

If I were to recommend a book that I think would be universally applicable, it would be 'the Art of Learning' by Josh Waitzkin.

You might be interested to know he just appeared on the Andrew Huberman podcast.

 

[Dot]

FYI thre r onlne meetng grps whch d/ nt inclde relign etc

Sme of thm hve in-persn cmmuntis also

Online Support and Recovery Meeting Groups

Many people who cannot access or afford standard therapy might find some help in video meetings and classes with online support groups and organisations. This information is not designed to be a replacement for professional therapy but for many will also be much better than nothng. Some of...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[heavysoul]

Hey jack_nimble, I just want to say that I think I understand your feeling of rejection in this whole saga because I've been looking for friends and potential relationships lately, really anyone to talk to because I keep feeling lonely. I've liked numerous accounts on dating apps, to which I either get zero matches or I get a match and try to start a conversation but the person doesn't respond or they eventually stop responding. It's really frustrating when you put in so much hope and effort and get so excited every time you get that notification telling you that you got a match. Like why don't they care like I do? Is there something wrong with me? Why won't the universe attract people with the same passions to me?

So yeah, your frustration when you're putting in so much effort into this group and finding members only for them to ghost you absolutely makes sense and resonates with me.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

FYI thre r onlne meetng grps whch d/ nt inclde relign etc

Sme of thm hve in-persn cmmuntis also

Online Support and Recovery Meeting Groups

Many people who cannot access or afford standard therapy might find some help in video meetings and classes with online support groups and organisations. This information is not designed to be a replacement for professional therapy but for many will also be much better than nothng. Some of...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I really appreciate that. I've already exhausted searching that and there is no in person in my area in Northern Indiana except a Nami that doesn't fit my schedule. So I'm setting my group for Sunday afternoons instead of a late weekday evening like most support groups. Since there is no in person support group available to me I'm trying to create something similar but definitely different. I don't wanna limit it to just mental illness or addiction or any other specific problem. Just a group of anyone with or without any issue who wants to do better. With no religion nor political involvement or avocation. Only two other large ideas like this exist that I can find. Sunday Assembly and Universal Unitarianism. There is no Sunday Assembly near me. I have yet to check out my local Universal Unitarianism church cause they just seem far to focused on spirituality and way too proud of being super far left. Maybe I could try to start a Sunday Assembly around here. I figured I couldn't cause I have no place to host it but idk. Maybe coffee shops until/if group outgrows that. Idk

Thank you Dot

Hey jack_nimble, I just want to say that I think I understand your feeling of rejection in this whole saga because I've been looking for friends and potential relationships lately, really anyone to talk to because I keep feeling lonely. I've liked numerous accounts on dating apps, to which I either get zero matches or I get a match and try to start a conversation but the person doesn't respond or they eventually stop responding. It's really frustrating when you put in so much hope and effort and get so excited every time you get that notification telling you that you got a match. Like why don't they care like I do? Is there something wrong with me? Why won't the universe attract people with the same passions to me?

So yeah, your frustration when you're putting in so much effort into this group and finding members only for them to ghost you absolutely makes sense and resonates with me.

I totally feel you. I feel the pain. I have experience with dating apps also. I have a different kind of approach. If you'd like to start a thread about how dating apps here and how to minimalize negative mental health effects I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to participate in that.
I've set a other group meet for three weeks from now. Maybe me trying to start it around the holidays make it more difficult for people to attend or for them to even be bored enough to look for stuff/community.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Well I'm happy to announce I have a new in person attending member so that makes two of us :P . Thanks for the tip about being patient. Took a few months to get just one person. I plan to run it with her a few months. Just to hammer out a good structure and make sure we figure it out and sort any issues that may arise. Then I'll make flyers to post around the area and perhaps hand out to therapists so they can recommend it to their clients.

The new attendee is someone I met from bumble (dating app). She straight away wanted to see if our big relationship goals aligned. They do not. I personally do not like to make sure our big goals align from the beginning. Because over time thoughts and feelings change and compromise happens. But I respect those who do want to figure that out right away and I'm happy to oblige. I'm actually really thankful for it because that puts us in the platonic zone and she is very interested in a self-improvement book club. That really helps me get the book club off the ground. I would rather have that than a date truthfully :D.

Anywho.....I've shortened the group description. To sound simpler and more confident. It will be revised again and probably about a month. Were first reqding the book Cues: Master The Secret of Charismatic Communication by Vanessa Van Edwards. We will take what we learn from that book to optimize the wording of the group description and then the flyers we will make. Our next book will be It Begins With You by Jillian Turecki.

If anyone here lives in the Michiana Area (Indiana/Michigan State line) I encourage you to message me and join our group of you do so desire.

 

[Hvergelmir]

Your name is censored in one post, and uncensored in the second. (Are you unintentionally revealing your name? I'd probably censor the entire member section, photos and all.)

I wish you best of luck getting the group off the ground. Sounds like you're off to a good start, so far. The beginning tend to be the hardest.

 

[Grav]

The group sounds really interesting. Good luck on it and keep pushing on.

 

[Jorvak]

Bad news. The one person who did show up has since removed herself from group on meetup. Even though it was just me and one other person who showed up I really felt it went well, and I still think it did. It started with her asking why I was doing this. I had said I wanted a community of people who wanted to do better without religion being the main focus. She agreed. We talked about our failed attempts to locally find community in the past.

I mentioned I deal with depression. She mentioned CPTSD and suggested I may deal with that as well. Which was a real downer to read about honestly. It did seem quite fitting for myself but also it kinda seemed like just a more complex explanation of my cause of depression.

She and I talked for an hour and fifteen minutes. We did talk about some books including The Art of Learning. She said let's keep in touch on meetup. I said yeah we can pick a book or two within the next couple of days. Then I checked meetup this morning and she has removed herself from group.

There are three other members in the group online. One other RSVPed but didn't make it. Another comment e saying she couldn't make it that day but wanted to know what book was selected so she could keep up. I'm considering messaging her letting her know that no book was selected and the one who showed up has left group. Then asking her if there is a topic she would like to read into. I'm really not sure if that's a good idea though.

I'm crying a little bit now. Not just cause of this. But I've been mentally going downhill the past few weeks. Been prob more than a year since I've declined idk really. I figure I'll prob get over this within a few hours. I'm waiting to hear back today from a job I've accepted about what day I will start. I also have a job interview with another company this afternoon.

There is someone in a dating app I'm supposed to meet this Saturday. I really feel the need to message her and let her know I'm in no shape for dating. I feel that would be more honest. It's that or ghost her. I feel meeting her would be dishonest and misleading.

I'm just so sick of living. So sick of it.

I'm incredibly desperate for reliable non religious non political community. I'm considering checking out my local Universal Unitarianism church. I don't think they're really either of those things but idk. Can't hurt to check em out once I suppose.

Maybe now is a prime time for me to read The Art of Learning. Also considering Transcendental Meditation.

I just think there is no fixing or even helping my broken brain. Maybe I'm wrong but I think that requires other people in my life. Which is hard to find especially considering my fear of abandonment leading to avoidance.

Thank you for reading. I hope I don't sound selfish.

That really sucks. The person who showed up expressed frustration with finding a group that is similar to what you want, but for some reason didn't have the patience to wait for it to grow. Forming things takes time and patience. I can't comment onto her motivations for leaving the group, but considering she has CPTSD, it's possible she went into a major slump of depression afterwards, and thought she coudn't uphold trying to form a new social community.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

Your name is censored in one post, and uncensored in the second. (Are you unintentionally revealing your name? I'd probably censor the entire member section, photos and all.)

I wish you best of luck getting the group off the ground. Sounds like you're off to a good start, so far. The beginning tend to be the hardest.

Thanks for pointing that out. Also, whatevs I suppose.

That really sucks. The person who showed up expressed frustration with finding a group that is similar to what you want, but for some reason didn't have the patience to wait for it to grow. Forming things takes time and patience. I can't comment onto her motivations for leaving the group, but considering she has CPTSD, it's possible she went into a major slump of depression afterwards, and thought she coudn't uphold trying to form a new social community.

Yeah it's unfortunate but whatevs. To be expected with mental health issues really. I actually feel highly uncertain about marketing it to therapists offices. I feel like that could bring in drama. But also I feel that's kinda the best place to market. Cause most people in therapy are actually consciously making an effort to do better and become more self aware. I have very mixed feelings about taking that step tbh. I also feel like I know it's the right thing to do. Just wanna run the group a few months first make sure it has a solid structure before seriously marketing it.

 

[Grav]

If you're seeing a threrapist maybe mention it to them casually? They may direct others to it to explore.

 

[Jack_Nimble]

If I were seeing a therapist I would even ask for advice! Lol. But my current health insurance has a behavioral office visit copay or $60 so I'm not seeing a therapist. I'm also feeling pretty good and motivated. But yeah. Maybe I could go to one temporarily just to ask about this....Or maybe there's a forum online somewhere where I can solicit tips and advice from multiple therapists??? If anyone one knows of and forums that therapists frequent please let me know!