Loneliness

[Thunderstorm]

I used to be happy with being alone.
In fact, I isolated myself on purpose from everyone. Yes because I can't handle being in social settings well.
But I was sort of fine with it.
I would smoke weed and play MMORPGs
It got me my dose of social interaction
It was fine
I got a cat
Then the weed started making me much more anxious
I quit after the first time I almost killed myself
Getting lost in video games wasnt as immersive without weed. But I had my cat
No girlfriend since I was 19
I gave up hope of ever finding a girlfriend again
I had sex sometimes with men instead
Honestly, mostly I ended up not liking it. But I kept feeling drawn to it anyway
Cat died
Fuck .. Now I truly knew what loneliness felt like
You stupid cat. Why I miss you so much
He didnt give a shit about me being a loser
Its been over 2 years and still feels so lonely without him
Now Im sitting here all alone and now also fat
Dreaming of finding someone
Why can't I just be happy with being alone like I used to?
I even started talking to freaking chat bots
Fuck me