ImpairedLowlife
Empty and hollow
- Aug 3, 2020
- 367
I remember the day it started, in June 2018 I've made my first tiny cut. I thought it wasn't gonna continue, I did it more out of curiosity, than pain (although my mental health was already pretty fucked).
Now, little over 6 years later here I'm again. After relatively clear time (doing this once every few months) I've sliced my arms again. As title said, I think it'll never truly go away.
At this point it almost feels silly, even tho I'm not using it to seek attention or manipulate anybody. There's a dumb agenda about it only being used by teens to seek attention and manipulate. I know it's dumb and obviously wrong, but my self esteem tells me it's right in my case. Although I'm not even in my teens anymore. It just feels pathetic. Even more pathetic because I still can't go deep enough. All of the cuts seem to shallow, to "safe". I wish I could be braver and make deeper cuts, leaving bigger scars.
Welp, now I gotta wear long-sleeves, even tho it's pretty hot. Sucks.
Sorry if this text is just a dumb mess.
Now, little over 6 years later here I'm again. After relatively clear time (doing this once every few months) I've sliced my arms again. As title said, I think it'll never truly go away.
At this point it almost feels silly, even tho I'm not using it to seek attention or manipulate anybody. There's a dumb agenda about it only being used by teens to seek attention and manipulate. I know it's dumb and obviously wrong, but my self esteem tells me it's right in my case. Although I'm not even in my teens anymore. It just feels pathetic. Even more pathetic because I still can't go deep enough. All of the cuts seem to shallow, to "safe". I wish I could be braver and make deeper cuts, leaving bigger scars.
Welp, now I gotta wear long-sleeves, even tho it's pretty hot. Sucks.
Sorry if this text is just a dumb mess.
Just like I am.
