Life did gave me some opportunities.

[dandan]

Life was good to me.
Not the best dad, but okay
well not okay, actually I hated him
and I do believe some of my present situation he's somehow to blame.

either way,
life was good,
I had amazing opportunities to live a lovely wonderful joyful life
but it was me,
who unconsciously without wanting
threw it away
and I'm responsible for living a life I dont like
and im somewhat a coward cause I might rather ctb than living with my mistakes and consequences
or perhaps im only barking like a mad dog who wont bite, who wont CTB by his own means
SI kicks in...
I dont want to die, but I want to live....
but I dont like my situation
can I change it?
Sure if I knew what to do , what do I want, and how to do it...
im trying to find this things...

What do I want?
what to do to get it...
how to get it...

fuck
or is it just plain hard
will I end up using N?

sparks, confusion and complaints

 

[tor100]

I don't know what to do in that situation but you can use the trick, you can try 6-12 month very hard to change yourself/(your situation) and ask yourself do you want to continue living, your goal is just to maximize probability that after 6-12 month of trying you can say: yes I want want to continue living.

 

[dandan]

I don't know what to do in that situation but you can use the trick, you can try 6-12 month very hard to change yourself/(your situation) and ask yourself do you want to continue living, your goal is just to maximize probability that after 6-12 month of trying you can say: yes I want want to continue living.

N expires March 2020, guess I have some time