idontgiveadvicehere
Member
- Nov 19, 2021
- 35
Hey guys. 23F, Eastern Time. I'm strongly considering CTB (because moderate/severe lifelong OCD). I've been extremely suicidal off and on since 2021. I can't talk to people irl about this for fear of them stopping me. I want to be neither stopped nor encouraged. I just want a shoulder to cry on about this, and talk about the morality/philosophy of my suicide. Someone who is kind and compassionate. :( (whether Discord or on here) ... I feel so sad that this is how it's going to end. Especially for my dog, she won't understand. I'm usually an open person, I'm dying to come clean with the bf and I know he'd move heaven and earth for me, but I can't tell him. I'm still going to work and honestly I'm scared driving because I've stopped cold turkey probably 6or7+ meds. I'm barely taking my meds or eating anymore, I'm considering cancelling my therapy, and I'm going to be making arrangements for CTB soon. I really feel bad about life ending this way. I believe life is sacred and I feel like I'm throwing in the towel. I feel bad for a lot of religious reasons, and I have a lot of mixed feelings. But I know sooner or later I'm going to have another severe panic attack and be deeply traumatized again. I'd rather die first. I absolutely 100% cannot go through that pain again. Even though sometimes I feel good about life, I feel with every step back I get closer and closer to doing it. I've already had two attempts and I know what I'm doing (mostly). It's just a matter of time at this point... I just want an existence of peace and serenity, not this life that's been full of anxiety and panic since the beginning.
Unfortunately, I am NOT looking for someone who is planning on or strongly considering committing suicide in the near future. Ironically, as much as I want to do it, when someone I know wants to do it, all I want to do is help them get better so they don't do it. I can't share what I know, either. I'm sorry... you've been warned. (Plus I just don't have the bandwidth to be there for someone in the same boat as me, mine is already sinking...)
Thanks for reading and feel free to hmu. Wishing you the best
Unfortunately, I am NOT looking for someone who is planning on or strongly considering committing suicide in the near future. Ironically, as much as I want to do it, when someone I know wants to do it, all I want to do is help them get better so they don't do it. I can't share what I know, either. I'm sorry... you've been warned. (Plus I just don't have the bandwidth to be there for someone in the same boat as me, mine is already sinking...)
Thanks for reading and feel free to hmu. Wishing you the best
