selfhazard
Let me get better or let me end it.
- Feb 6, 2024
- 12
On October 11th, I failed to bleed myself out after SI kicked in and I begged my sister for help (I had momentarily lost feeling in my wrist and felt extremely lightheaded which caused some sort of panic to bubble up inside of me). After receiving medical attention and 10 stitches in my wrist I was allowed to return home, and ever since then my mere existence has been riddled with regret and humiliation. I'm incapable of putting on socks or shoes, brushing my hair, lifting slightly heavy items, opening bottles, etc. without asking for help. I'm not and never was the type of person to rely on others for assistance, so all of this feels incredibly shameful. I've never felt more disgusted with myself. All I want is to go back in time, lock my bedroom door, and find a way to quiet or calm myself so that everything could have just ended in that moment.
