Venting Leaving behind

[pdyduc]

Im afraid of leaving behind my body for my partner to find. I dont want him to come home from work to find me, and I don't want my body to be found where ever I did the deed.

I feel like I'm drowning and my head is barely above water here. I have one close friend, but I still feel alone. I feel like there is something genuinely fundamentally wrong with me. I dont think that I can ever be happy like regular people do, how do people enjoy things? Make plans for the future? Have things that they do after work? My life revolves around being a cog in the machine but I'm too afraid to do anything about it. What could I do anyways?

Death feels inescapable. As it is. However, the thought that I can take my own future into my hands and leave is scarier. I really am not happy being alive.

 

[I want to end it]

You could leave a note inside the front door saying that you've done it? It gives him warning before he finds you.

 

[Silvermorning]

I dont think that I can ever be happy like regular people do, how do people enjoy things? Make plans for the future? Have things that they do after work?

In my experience, there are two groups:

those that learn to live (truly) alone and get comfortable in their skin ,which is way harder than it sounds, takes years to master the art of resignation..

or those that have a strong support system, friendships, family, etc

Depression its a vicious circle though, the lower we are, the harder it seems to attain anything. "Enjoying" life is a routine like any other, and as in any sport, the muscle not exercised starts to waste.

Depression is the worse.

 

[pdyduc]

In my experience, there are two groups:

those that learn to live (truly) alone and get comfortable in their skin ,which is way harder than it sounds, takes years to master the art of resignation..

or those that have a strong support system, friendships, family, etc

Depression its a vicious circle though, the lower we are, the harder it seems to attain anything. "Enjoying" life is a routine like any other, and as in any sport, the muscle not exercised starts to waste.

Depression is the worse.

I completely agree that it's the worst. The question for me is weather to work through it or not. I dont know how others do it.