Merlay
you need to die if you want to go to heaven
- Oct 24, 2020
- 32
You know what scares me?
That is, I know how to do better. I know how to stop this. I know how to change my view, my perspective, on what's happening right now. I know how to change my mindset, to not to worry about everything. I know how to steer away from this hatred and rage. I know how to get out from this shitty hole I've dug for myself. I have an idea how to move forward.
What I lack is the capacity.
Because I am always coming back to that dark place.
And you know what scares me more?
This dark place. . . It feels home.
And I am wanting to stay here more.
That's why I keep running away. I keep busying myself. I tried reaching out to all of my friends, because they're all the small glimmer of light that's keeping me in this world.
But no matter what I do, no matter where I go, no matter how far I run away, the dark is just keeps getting closer and closer.
Or, maybe, the reason it keeps getting closer and closer is that I stopped running.
I finally stopped running.
That is, I know how to do better. I know how to stop this. I know how to change my view, my perspective, on what's happening right now. I know how to change my mindset, to not to worry about everything. I know how to steer away from this hatred and rage. I know how to get out from this shitty hole I've dug for myself. I have an idea how to move forward.
What I lack is the capacity.
Because I am always coming back to that dark place.
And you know what scares me more?
This dark place. . . It feels home.
And I am wanting to stay here more.
That's why I keep running away. I keep busying myself. I tried reaching out to all of my friends, because they're all the small glimmer of light that's keeping me in this world.
But no matter what I do, no matter where I go, no matter how far I run away, the dark is just keeps getting closer and closer.
Or, maybe, the reason it keeps getting closer and closer is that I stopped running.
I finally stopped running.
