bornintoagrave
Member
- Nov 17, 2020
- 22
I'm a compulsive liar.
My life is so fucking boring and dull that I realized early in life that people like me more if I make up stories about myself. So that's what I've always done.
I've lied to everyone I've ever known. Nobody knows me. Two people have come close, but even those two I've lied to.
I feel like a total fucking psychopath.
It's probably "borderline" or some shit, as my mom had the same thing, but fuck, I hate myself. I didn't always, but the more I realize this is who I am the more ashamed of myself I am.
If I wasn't so lazy and apathetic I could probably be a decent novelist. Well, on second thought, probably not. My stories aren't even very compelling.
What bothers me more is that people actually like me, the real me, but it's mostly the superficial me. I'm one of those people that are liked before I even do anything, but then I always fuck it up.
A lot of people think I'm sexually appealing. I'm 100% asexual so this has no value to me. But Jesus, you'd think I was a goddamn pin up model by how people throw themselves at me. Men and women. It sounds pretty great to a lot of people, but I hate it. I hate being liked just for how I look. So that's why I invent stories, I guess, to focus the attention elsewhere.
But every single time someone asks me a certain question for which I don't have an interesting answer, I panic, I lie, and the lie snowballs. It's stupid and a waste of time. But I can't stop.
I have an unusual life. I'm tempted to lie here, but I'll just leave it at that. My life is almost more unbelievable than my stories, but it's full of pain and weirdness, so I avoid it.
I feel like I'm constantly being used and I'm a garbage friend. I don't understand why people like me at all. When people show interest I assume it's either because of my looks or my money. I don't feel like I've ever had a genuine friend.
This is just a rant. Sorry. There's no real point here.
My life is so fucking boring and dull that I realized early in life that people like me more if I make up stories about myself. So that's what I've always done.
I've lied to everyone I've ever known. Nobody knows me. Two people have come close, but even those two I've lied to.
I feel like a total fucking psychopath.
It's probably "borderline" or some shit, as my mom had the same thing, but fuck, I hate myself. I didn't always, but the more I realize this is who I am the more ashamed of myself I am.
If I wasn't so lazy and apathetic I could probably be a decent novelist. Well, on second thought, probably not. My stories aren't even very compelling.
What bothers me more is that people actually like me, the real me, but it's mostly the superficial me. I'm one of those people that are liked before I even do anything, but then I always fuck it up.
A lot of people think I'm sexually appealing. I'm 100% asexual so this has no value to me. But Jesus, you'd think I was a goddamn pin up model by how people throw themselves at me. Men and women. It sounds pretty great to a lot of people, but I hate it. I hate being liked just for how I look. So that's why I invent stories, I guess, to focus the attention elsewhere.
But every single time someone asks me a certain question for which I don't have an interesting answer, I panic, I lie, and the lie snowballs. It's stupid and a waste of time. But I can't stop.
I have an unusual life. I'm tempted to lie here, but I'll just leave it at that. My life is almost more unbelievable than my stories, but it's full of pain and weirdness, so I avoid it.
I feel like I'm constantly being used and I'm a garbage friend. I don't understand why people like me at all. When people show interest I assume it's either because of my looks or my money. I don't feel like I've ever had a genuine friend.
This is just a rant. Sorry. There's no real point here.
