Just my thoughts

[Death is beautiful]

dude, I'm so tired, I don't have a single desire to fix anything and take action. I want to take something, whatever it is (sn,n,f, whatever) and drive a few dozen kilometers away, When I first registered on this site, being clinically depressed, I kept stalling, thinking that if I had N, if I had the perfect method and other things but now I just want to take some method and go to a single apartment to be alone with my thoughts and in a moment of despair just use my method. The longer I live, the more I understand things, not a year goes by that I am in one way or another in despair and a shitty state, no matter how good I am, surprisingly, the last year has been the most intense and interesting in my life, I was abroad for the first time, found the most profitable job of my life, I restored my social ties for the first time since the 20th year, but I don't give a shit, every 2-3 months I come to despair, I realized that this is just a state of mind, I don't like life, its structure, all its complexities and laws, death is much better. Maybe this year I will do so, get a good method and go to a rented apartment and wait for the state of despair. If you really want ctb, then the method of reliability and peacefulness of which you are sure, as well as solitude with your thoughts, will lead to ctb pretty quickly

 

[cryone]

i understand you.

The longer I live, the more I understand things

yes, and the bleak nature of the world becomes more and more exposed.
I am also living in what ostensibly is my "peak"....but i too can't give any more fucks. i dont know why. i have almost everything I ever wanted, but I guess nothing is as good as how it used to seem.

I realized that this is just a state of mind, I don't like life, its structure, all its complexities and laws,

this aswell. ties into what you said earlier. ive come to understand society more....and it has disgusted me. i also don't want to work a job until im old and then waste away after I retire.